<rambling about kpop shtuff>
Ever since HOT broke up *sniff* I had been anticipating what their separate projects would sound like and if I would like them. Well, Kangta came out first, and him being the lead singer of the now defunct group, he definitely had the best chances of succeeding. Plus I think he had the most fans, although personally I think he looks kind of gay. His album turned out to be more jazzy but it was impressive nonetheless. Moon HeeJun, the only other member besides Kangta to remain with SM Entertainment, came out with his solo album next. He was like the second lead singer in HOT and was known for some of his dancing. I figured his album would probably be more metal-rock-ish since that's the kind of genre he produced when HOT wrote songs on their other albums. I was right. His album isn't that great, but it's not completely bad.

Lee JaeWon, Tony An, and Jang WooHyuk (my personal favorite) were left out in the cold by SM and signed with Yegam instead, thus sealing the end of HOT's fate. I was mostly anticipating this album, not only because of my....devotion?...uhhh maybe not that much...LIKE of these members (ok, not really JaeWon) and my curiousity at what kind of sounds this trio could come up with. I mean, Tony was more like third string singer/rapper in HOT, WooHyuk was known more for his screaming/rapping/deep talking and dancing [better than HeeJun!], and JaeWon....uhhh, I never really noticed him much...I don't think anyone really did. Well, their album has finally been released under the group name JTL (JangTonyLee) and I really like their sound the best out of them all. Why? I'm not quite sure, but their songs are just a bit catchier and beebopish. More boybandish? just a tad. And Tony's singing isn't really THAT bad. And I'm not biased just because I liked Woohyuk the best. It's just too bad they all had to split up....but it's not like HOT's sounds were getting any better anyway. I like this JTL =)
</rambling about kpop shtuff>

Like you guys really care right? lol

Grant is painting my toenails right as i type this. It's his first time. haha. Pictures will be forthcoming since yay! I gave him a card reader for xmas so now he is using his digicam....or at least i am. hehehe.

update: he says, and i quote "little toes are easy." hahahha. he's redoing the big toes for the THIRD time!!

finally! i've been up for an hour searching for a stupid patch for my dreamweaver. yay! i finally found it. hehehe

Merry Christmas!!

I am sooooo tired. I finished baking cookies for people finally last night and gave the last of it to my coworkers. Yet for some extremely retarded reason I felt compelled to make just one more batch of cookie dough so I could make for my family. Why? I don't know. They don't deserve it, well, at least my mom doesn't. She kept guilt tripping me the last week saying i care more about friends than family just because I wouldn't give her a damn cookie every time I pulled new ones from the oven. Like the fact that these were gifts while her own gift was under the tree meant nothing to her. shit. I even gave her some since I had extra and I still get no respect.

Wait..this wasn't supposed to be another rant about my mom. That normally goes into my journal. haha I really hate how my regular journal has turned into more of a dumping ground of negativity while this blog serves as my everyday stuffs now. hmm...

anyway, I'm just really tired. I've been working a lot and getting last minute things done. Macy's has really good sales! People were going buckwild on the photo frames/boxes/etc the other day. 50% off already marked down stuffs. Gosh I knew there was a reason I loved that store so much. haha And then now that it's vacation I'm trying to work a little extra so I get to work again tomorrow and friday. oh woopie. I even have to wake up earlier since it's a different store and it's farther. wooo. I just have to keep repeating to myself that "it's for the money." ;P

Oh, and thanks to those who wrote me about that last post. It's nice to know there are people out there who care enough to kick me in the ass to get me back on track. =)

Just got back from a great Christmas party at Grant's house. It was for his school classmates with their secret santa and everything. It was a lot of fun and I got to talk to a lot of people, but still, negative things always have to happen at some point right? Well, basically it was this one girl who i'm usually really cool with and on great terms with, but because i took her clothes pin [it was this game where you're not supposed to say a certain word ("yeah") or else people can take away your pins] early in the game she basically shit listed me and talked smack all night. Yeah I played along but to do it for the whole night was just a bit excessive. Let's not get into the drama with the prize drawings. Funny how I didn't get home till now though, 1:30 am!!

Now I have this uneasy feeling for some reason. Seeing grant together with one of his classmates made me wonder...why is he with me? We don't match...they match. It's such a silly thing to think about but for some reason it just struck me today. Its not like I've never seen her before. *sigh* I have too many insecurities and i just have to stop this nonsense. =/

oh yeah...YAY for being done with my semester!! =)

Had pretty good stone pot bi bim bap tonight from Sorabol because MC made me crave it. dangit! But anyway, grant didn't seem to care for it much and add to that the fact that I order with my eyes and not my stomach so I ordered an extra side dish of what i thought was the raw fish dish I wanted to try but turned out to be some skate dish instead. Either way it was way too spicy and overpriced and I didn't enjoy it in the least. I am beating myself up about as we speak. ugh. I hate when that happens. And I hate when I choose a place and the food and grant's not impressed. *sigh* That's like my goal now.

And did you know [of course you don't cuz i haven't told you yet duh] that i had to return my "perfect" gift that i got for Grant's mom because his dad got her the EXACT SAME salad spinner today and just gave it to her, no wrapping no nothing. Grant meant to tell his dad yesterday after he heard him talking about getting one but grant didn't and so today it was already too late. I even got that gift last month - a whole month before Christmas! gah! Yes, I'm pretty pissed about this but it's not like I can do anything about it now. Grant didn't do what he was supposed to do and now i'm suffering. Do you know how much i wanted to get that PERFECT gift? I feel like I have to redeem myself or something just because I'm not Mormon. geez. So now I have to use my $50 macy's gc so i can afford to get another gift that costs three times as much as the original perfect gift. boohar.

i think i'll be mad at grant, at least for the next few hours. hmph

yay! it's almost payday! well, that's like one of the only things I have to look forward to this week.

at least my final is almost here. [and i'm happy about this?] almost done. yay!

I want this camera.

It's like that one thing you know you'll probably never get because well, you can't, yet you want it so badly anyway.

okay, i really have to get back to studying now. bleh

Congrats to Paul, and Becky of course, on their new son! yay! He's so cute! [the baby...but Paul could be too. hehe]

here's a question: Has anyone ever seen a baby that WASN'T cute? I think i've seen one, but anyone else out there?

Yay! gg posted a soap pic. Here are mine: one with a whale, and one with a turtle.

It's been a while since grant and i made these, but i never took pictures of them. and now that i look at them again, the color kind of bled so I better use these or something. Who knew making soap could be so fun right? ;P

have you ever had doubts but then tried to convince yourself that you're probably imagining things and thinking of only the bad things when the good things probably outweight the bad? And then you think...maybe you're just convincing yourself because you don't want to be wrong and have all your efforts and sacrifices be for nothing?

That's what i'm wondering about right now. I don't like it.

Cute kissy asian flash thing (its in korean but you'll still get it ;P). dunno what else to call it. haha

thanks for the link philling!

my room is a complete disaster area right now. I don't think it has ever been this bad. EVER! I really need to clean up, especially since I finally just finished my SPED assignments. yay! Only one final on Wednesday to go! WOOHOO!

*sigh* my poor room.

ACK! A friend of mine is getting married in June! ACK!^2 Is this the beginning of the period in my life where everyone one of my friends gets married, leaving me alone in the dust of non-married life? uhh..maybe not. Especially when you consider the fact that my best friend got married....4 years ago. DAMN! Married for four years already and look at me. Oh well, I'm still young right? [and just watch me keep saying that for the next 10 years. lol] I'm so happy for all my soon-to-be married and married friends. YAY!

dammit. to sum up..if i can remember it all...

been gone a few days. stressed, tired, working, baking, sleeping.
finished xmas cards, packed a gift to the mainland (yeah, just a tad late), went to the post office whee! then went searching for cookie cutters. dammit

made doughs friday and baked russian tea cookies while watching jurassic park III again. Found that the smell of molassas, and hence the entire raw gingerbread cookie dough, made me nauseous, so I definitely won't be making that again. Besides, the gingerbread cut outs were a pain in the ass and made me spend hours making a huge batch. I didn't know it would be so damn big! Next time [wait, what next time?] i'll reduce the recipe.

must decorate gingerbread men, finish assignments, watch Alias [YAY!] and catch up on sleep. Speaking of which...I must go now.

Oh wait...my main point...I guess I'm mistaken when it comes to mixers with paddle attachments. i must be so deprived because it seems like many people have them. *sniff* I'm all underprivileged. haha. Jealous is more like it.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dammitalltohell. I just lost my freaking post!!!!!!!!

The canadian boy is gone and now life is back to normal unfortunately. Mom is being super bitch so I'm running away tonight. No cookie baking for me. I'm very very sad. The cookies were to be the highlight of my week. T_T

so i'm finally done [for this week at least] and now I'm looking up cookie recipes. I'm going to bake tons tonight! yay! Anyway, I look at marthastewart.com [only because i had it linked from a while back for some reason] and I look at their gingerbread recipe and in the directions it says, "In an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar until fluffy." Okay...is it just me or who the f**k has an electric mixer with a paddle attachment?! I swear, MS mainly caters to the upper class..i mean, who really has time to do any of the shtuff she comes up with? ugh. Better keep looking. heh.

hmm....six hours till my paper is due and i'm probaby a little more than half done. Let's see if I can do this ultimate of procrastination feats! hehe pray for me please? ;P

ugh. i have too much work to do. actually, I just have a paper due tomorrow and I'm only starting now. woo. Then my mom's friend's son is here now for a couple days and I feel really sorry for him because he's just been indoors all morning. He should be out doing the tourist thing! But unfortunately for him, my mom is the one that would take him around. I'd do it if only I didn't have all this shit work to do. oh well.

Hope yall are having a great Tuesday!

dude....

Hawaii gave BYU a beat down! muahahaha. Of course, it wasn't the best of games and UH really needs to learn some humility [is that the word I'm looking for? hmmm]. Such show offs I swear. As if they didn't fumble the ball how many damn times. Still though, I couldn't believe it when the game first started with an immediate touchdown [manager was listening to the game all day at work so i was forced to too. heh]. But damn...72-45? I think I would have preferred a low scoring close game instead. But at least we whooped our rivals and kept them from staying undefeated. That's all that really matters.

That...and the fact that his sister goes to BYU. Oh how sweet it is. =P

I want to be domestic. I want my own place where I can cook and pretend to clean now!

Yes, and isn't that so relevant and smoothly transitioned from the strange and odd post below. hmm...

I think it's time to go to sleep finally. I haven't been up this late in months!

Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. It doesn't really matter if I succeed at everything I do. It doesn't really matter what other people think of me. It doesn't even matter if someone dislikes me. Yet I continue to be sensitive to outside perspectives and opinions. I sometimes alter the way I act because of it. Am I not true to myself? I could argue that catering to others is my inner self, but who wants to admit something so foolish? I wish it weren't so. I wish I didn't care about what people say or think. I wish I didn't harbor ill feelings towards those who have wronged me in the past. I have learned that grudges do not benefit anyone, yet I continue to hold onto them, if only deep inside my heart. Over time, all of this eats away at my happiness and my true self. Sometimes I wonder who I am now. I thought I knew, but it only seems like a faded image in my dreams.

I wish I didn't worry about others, but I do. I carry the burden from it always. And there is no changing that. It cannot be helped. But sometimes I just wonder...why?

I love Christmas time, mostly because of all the Christmas songs. It makes me feel all warm inside.

I downloaded a couple songs from the S.M. Christmas albums (Korean) and put two of my more favorite songs together in one file for you to download. The first is a Korean version of Panis Angelicus by Yoo Young Jin and the other is "Waiting for a White Christmas" I think it's called "Chang Bakkeul Bayo" in korean. My korean font sucks sometimes and I forgot to romanize it when I dled it so I'm not 100% sure. ;P That one is by all the S.M. singers. Both are from the second Xmas album from last year. Check out the new 3rd one too. [can't find a good link so you're on your own for that one] Now does anyone know where I can get the main song from the first album?

btw...S.M. stands for Soo Man [if i remember correctly], the founder of S.M. Entertainment, which manages kpop singers like S.E.S, Shinhwa, Kangta, etc. and not something of a sexual nature...you perverts!
[gosh, what are you people gonna do with all this useless information?]

Oh, and I don't suggest dial-up peeps try dling the file. Are there still people on dial-up anyway?

Well, I finished my portfolio finally [i found out last night that it's only a formative check though. dammit] and even my log #5 on assessment. Too bad I don't have time to finish my damn observation journal. I'm on Day #16 of 24 and they're getting pretty damn wordy. Fuck it. I'm turing it in next week.

And i'm changing my foundations topic to vouchers because while educational aims: past present and future would be an interesting and wordy [since i need to get to at least 8 pages] topic/argument to delve into, I just don't have the time to research it and shit so instead I'll do something else I remember being somewhat knowledgable about and strongly opposed to last election season. bleh.

Why can't I just be done? I only have like 5 days to write all my cards and get shit bought and wrapped so I can mail them all by the deadline so they get to Japan and the mainland in time! dammit!! Living in the middle of the pacific really sucks sometimes. Thank God for Amazon at least. ;P

www.colorgenics.com

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share .But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously..and you so are right in so doing so... You are a very sensitive person -

The way things are ... you are under considerable stress ... and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone .... and you are right ... move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual...pretending that you are stoical...indifferent, that is to pain or pleasure. But this is not so...for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions...and perhaps repent in leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real "you". The you that you would like to be. ...

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety.You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress ... You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault. You have been misled and abused by those that you trusted. But you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification?.

You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself... To find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time...

...so true so true. *sigh*

erg. Portfolio is due tomorrow and I've been trying to put it all together. I still need to write up my narratives and reflections for all my artifacts but I'm just too tired! I swear my brain stops functioning at around 12. ugh. I'm getting so old. So now I have to do that tomorrow in addition to my log 5 that I didn't do last week and my journal that I haven't been typing up since halloween. Joy joy. bleh. After that I can start researching my foundations paper. whee! At least today was my last day at OP. I told my students and some actually seemed genuinely sad. boohoo! I was getting a little sad!! Gonna miss them, especially period 3!!

okay, time to sleep now. So. very. tired. zzzzzzzzz...

Just like everyone else...I was curious...

If I were a work of art, I would be Sandro Botticelli's Birth of Venus. Apparently, that means...

"I am a beautiful and alluring composition, not afraid to show off a good deal of bare flesh. People surround me and gaze at me with the adulation due a goddess and friendly breezes gently push me along my path in life."

LMAO!!!

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

i'm bored. I have to go to the high school to teach a lesson in a few minutes. Tomorrow is my last day [yay! shhhh] I dunno what to get my mentor teacher though. Any ideas? Anyway, i dunno why i'm writing in here now. This is a pointless entry so don't mind me. I just thought I should write in here since I haven't in a bit. Okay, off I go. ta ta!

ps....Alias kicked butt tonight! and the previews look exciting. But I bet you the mole they've discovered is actually her dad! I dunno. I like thinking of these twists. My reason? Because all the guy said was that the target was "Bristow." hello? duh!

or maybe not. I just like making things more complicated than they really are. And most of the time I'm wrong. *sigh* Looks like this time is no different. lol yeah, i'm a dork. @________________@

I'm so excited and happy! I recently got an email from a long lost internet friend. She was the first internet person that I ever met up with. Wait. Strike that. I met people at the HOT concert here but she was the first internet friend that I actually met on a more personal basis and on my own. yeah. She lived in Berkeley and it was from that meeting, or more like the subsequent return trip "home" (back to rose's dorm) that I acquired "many traumatic memories of (colma) to last me a lifetime." Read my recap of that day here.

Anyhoo...I got the email a few days ago and now I find out that she's now engaged and will be in hawaii for a short while during the Christmas holiday! I'm so excited that I'm gonna get to see my dongsaeng again!! She's the one that first introduced me to Berkeley (the town, not the school) and Jello flan! I so wish I could've met up with her when I actually lived up there last year, but it turns out she moved back to Korea about a year ago. !!! So many changes and I'm so jealous! Korea!! hehehe. And it all started because we were both in an H.O.T chatroom at the same time. hahahah

Stranger things *have* happened. ;P

Dang, I really need to put these longer posts into my journal instead. *shrug* I'm lazy. Bear with me until finals are over please? =) Yay! 21 more days till pauline is here and 23 more days till Christmas! ACK! >o.O<

I've been MIA for a little bit mainly because I got sick. Bleh. First it was just the sinuses, then it moved into my throat, and then into my chest. After that you know its all down hill from there. Because it was in my chest I couldn't breathe as freely and I got tired really fast. Just walking a little bit was exhausting. On Thursday, after walking around the mall for a bit we came home so I could write my paper and go to school but first I had to nap a little because I was so tired. Next thing I know I wake up an hour later with a bad headache and I'm super hot. I was so dizzy that I took an advil, turned on the AC and went back to sleep. 2 more hours later and I see Grant still downloading drifting videos on my computer and I notice that my seminar had already started. *shrug* oh well, at least I felt better.

So we went back to the mall and walked around the other phase, picked up a shirt, then came home to make soap. Yep, I had purchased a soap kit earlier in the day and grant got all excited about the possibilities. But dang! That shit is hard work! My first attempts turned out a little wrinkled, lumpy, or color bled. But hey, we were experimenting with some things. I didn't use the whole kit yet but so far we have some pretty cute hearts withing hearts, a turtle that looks like its underwater, and a whale within a clear block. I'd show you pictures but I don't have a digicam and it won't be another 25 days till grant get's a card reader for his *wink* shhh don't tell him. of course you know the card reader is mostly gonna be for me anyway. haha. ;P

There's a sister of someone I know that I really do not like. I met her for the first time the other week and everything was fine at first but after a while she'd just say some pretty blunt things and me being the sensitive person that I am, I was kind of hurt a couple times. Thank god she's going back to school soon so I won't have to see her again for a while. But I just feel kinda bad for not liking her. I mean, aren't I supposed to like the siblings of friends? well..not all the time I guess, but I just feel bad in this instance.

Tonight she answered the phone and asked who was calling [I hate it when people do this to me to begin with. like why be so dang nosy?] and I said "Maria" but apparently I said it in this "voice" because as she was getting my friend I heard her say "she all said *whiny voice* 'Maria' and used a different voice. haha" Like wtf? I'm sick yo. My voice may sound different and I normally don't say my name to begin with so lay off with the fucking critiques of how I talk and shit. geez. Makes me want to smack her upside the head!

*breathe*cough*hack*
sorry, had to vent. At least she's leaving soon...
voice my ass!

Ryan died in the hospital while reciting his vows to Victoria! WAH! so sad! And I liked his character so much!

I normally don't watch Young and the Restless very often but damn, this shit scene was sad yo!

Wooha!

First [and most important] lesson went very well...except for the fact that I ran out of time at the very very end. *shrug* Plus it's been pouring and dreary all day so the kids were kinda antsy.

Yay! Now all I gotta worry about is my methods lesson. Shouldn't be THAT hard right? *crossing fingers*

Time for ramen now. mmmm =)

Tomorrow is my much afeared double lesson day. Actually, the second lesson isn't so bad since it's just my classmates (all 5 of them). But tomorrow I give my very first lesson to my actual high school algebra class. WAH! Very scary! And don't ask why I waited until the end of the semester to do my first lesson. I'm just smart like that. Next week, my last week observing, I am giving my second lesson. Yes. Very smart indeed. >o.O<

Okay..time for me to freak out now...bye!

dammi!t!!! I forgot to watch Alias!!! wah! boohar. *sniff*

due to all this damn work, the next 3 weeks are surely going to SUCK!!!

i'm currently running on 5 hours of sleep, some pepsi, some mountain dew, and a glazed donut. also take into account that i've had only about 10 hours of sleep this whole weekend and i think i'm getting sick again.

not a good diet but fuckit. i'm tired. i'm taking a nap dammit. g'nite.

one lesson plan down, one to go. i just love how i have 2 lessons to give in one day. wheee.

now if only my hair would dry so i could go to sleep. dangit!

Went shopping yesterday...twice. Why twice? well, let me tell you my little story for the day...

Going to the crowded mall the morning after thanksgiving can be such a stressful time, especially when you're looking really hard for covered parking. But that stress is nothing compared to that of having your bf accidentally hitting a curb slightly while making a turn in the crowded parking structure. This event alone is enough to cause massive amounts of swearing and yelling due to a (slightly) scratched and dented rim. So we find parking quickly after deciding that covered parking isn't gonna happen and we proceed to the stores. Now here we are, one person being super pissed off that he didn't see the curb and the other person feeling like it was all her fault since it was her idea in the first place to go to the damn mall. Neither of us want to be there anymore but what else are we gonna do? So we walk into Waldenbooks and in about 10 minutes, give or take a few, i'm sobbing in the middle of the [extremely small and disappointing] children's section. Yeah...not good at all.

But wait...it gets better! After walking around for a couple hours and getting a few feelings out, we leave the mall having only purchased a box of christmas cards. We then drive speed along the freeway to 99 Ranch Market. Him taking his aggression out on the road and me taking it out on my kleenex. We finally get to the parking lot [after picking up a bulb for his car] and have a little heart to heart. Don't you love heart to heart talks in the middle of public places? There's nothing like crying there either! So yeah..then we had korean food and boba and then went home and he had to go to work.

Not having my shopping needs satisfied at all during the day I decided to just fuck it and go again by myself. Bought a gift at Alas...hit ward warehouse and almost bought a few things but decided to wait until after xmas [gosh i love cinnamon girl! *sniff*] and finally hit Comp USA for part of another gift. Considered buying myself some gifts too but those will have to wait a bit too. Altogether I didn't buy much of anything but I basically know what i'm getting everyone already. I'm just waiting a week or two until it's actually December. I mean, what fun is it to get a present at the beginning of December knowing that you have to wait like 25 freaking days until you can find out what the hell's inside?! Well, that's just how I'd feel. ^_~ So yeah...gonna go shopping in a week or two and get it all done then...hopefully.

Now I have to finish up my lesson plans. whee! *sarcasm*

Thanksgiving lunch went great. Very relaxed and i felt really welcomed!

Dinner on the other hand...I dunno. Just didn't get the right vibe i guess. =/

miss my family =(

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!! May you have lots of food today and enjoy much company. =) mmmm food.

and thanks wahine for the idea. hehe. totally forgot about that! =)

dammit. i was just reminded by my mentor teacher that I should bring something to grant's family's house. err..families's houses. dammit. what the hell am i going to bring? i sure as hell can't cook very well, especially since i haven't cooked anything but ramen and scambled eggs since at least august. dangit. i'm screwed. any suggestions?

so i ended up getting SUPER pissed off by the time i got home. part of it is my fault but I just wish some people would do what I secretly wish they'd do dammit!

but i'm going to try refraining from blogging these bitching/whining sessions for a while and see where that gets me. It *is* the holiday season afterall right??

...maybe its PMS. yeah. that's probably it. I should just go into hiding for the next week or so.

we now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

currently digging the new G.O.D. 4th album, especially the third track, Dashi. I'm also digging the new album by Uhm Jung Hwa. Dunno why, but i've always liked the songs she comes out with.

now if only i could find a place to dl Lee Jung Hyun's 3rd album. I've been trying for forever! eesh.

[have i ever told you how i haven't bought any cds since i was last in korea in july of 1999? hehehe. i think i'm too cheap to buy them now lol]

dude!!!! i'm soooooo tired!!!! I was at work for 10.5 hours today just trying to catch up on stuff and figuring out why i was short $100+!!! argh. so tired. so tired. I've been up for 14 hours already and I still haven't started writing up my SPED assignment. /me is screwed. at least I still have tomorrow morning. And in 30 minutes alias starts. yay! at least there's a silver lining right?

...and harry potter was tight yo. especially liked the wizard's chess near the end. wasn't all that impressed by quiddich if only because it was basically how my mind imagined it. ^_______^ i love my imagination.

gosh. i think i would've preferred to just have my test in the early morning instead of this 2pm, waiting all day to take it, shtuff. it just prolongs the agony if you ask me. Not like i'm ready for it in the least. i took the practice test and pretty much bombed it. *sigh* hopefully i'll get lucky and i won't have to shell another hundred bucks out to retake it.

okay..i'm off to school! wish me luck...i'll need it.

thanks guys for putting up with me. i dunno. the last week seems to have been just stressful both in my personal life and in school. thankfully the personal stress has been resolved and the school stress should be a little less in like 5 hours when my test is over. my paper is also almost done and i'll only have a couple of other things to focus my attention on. i guess it helps when i focus and stop procrastinating. but yeah, thanks for putting up with my uhhh...weirdness? ;P

hey look. it's been a year since i've been here at bhurdie.blogspot.com. It's like the only stability I've had on the web for the past year since I decided to kick it from geocities to digirice and now to my own domain. these days i'm wondering why i'm still here but eh, why not? i just love taking up more useless webspace with my babbling...especially when i'm bored. gosh, i miss those days at work in SF when I was just so bored i blogged at least five times a day. hmm, kinda like today huh? ;P

I have this urge to go out to a *nice* restaurant all dressed up. I haven't had a chance to wear my strapy sandals in like a year!! That really is a shame. =( I want to wear my strappy sandals!! I want to wear them now!!! *tantrum*

this is obviously due to hw/test stress overload. just ignore me.

WAH!!! Min is scaring me!!! He says he thinks the girl who plays Hermione on HP is hot and that he'd b@ng her! WAH!!!! child pr0n!!!!! sick!!!! *running away crying*

it's so amazing how these months have flown by and Harry Potter is finally here! i'm so excited i can hardly contain myself! unfortunately for me, i'll have to wait until tomorrow evening...and all through my ucky test! just picture it..me trying to concentrate on case histories and knowing how to organize content knowledge for student learning but failing because i have harry potter on the brain. yeah, let's see if i can pass this one.

oh and isn't it nice trying to finally study for something [the day before!!] and falling asleep for 2 hours instead? yeah, i'd say i'm screwed too. ;P

so i lied and said i didn't feel very well just so i could skip out on the last period of the day. well, it was a half-truth. i honestly felt a little dizzy because i didn't have anything to snack on for lunch and plus my heart just doesn't want to be anywhere right now.

to me criticism hurts worse than any physical pain you could inflict. it tends to linger well after the initial blow. =/

Puffy eyes. How does one cover up puffy eyes in the morning?

so umm yeah...didn't get to study and i didn't get to read. got to cry for about an hour on the phone though.

now isn't that always fun?

I'm an idiot.

I started on a redesign. dammit. And yes, I still haven't finished my book yet. Only half way there.

Then I wanted to call Grant and it just ended in disaster. I basically ended the call being fed up and irritated at his behavior and we parted on not-so-sweet terms. I should've kept my mouth shut. Our call was almost over too!

At least we said the "i love you"s. *shrug*

I hate extended bouts of negativity sometimes. grrrr.

And yes, I am indeed an idiot. Glad we got that settled.

bored. bored. bored.

boingy. boingy. boingy.

Just spent the last hour procrastinating s'more. But I was having so much fun trying out Dreamweaver and selecting my cute little icons for my picture page. hehe. Have a looksee. The links don't work yet tho. Okay, back to the depressing book. I'm on the NYC chapter. Boo for so much sadness there today and lately.

<rant>
My sister is an idiot. Last night she lost her car keys at some club and early this morning I get woken up by my dad and sister yelling at each other because he needed her spare key to make copies but my sister didn't care and just wanted to sleep. What the fuck dude, I get yelled at by my parents not to wake her up when I just whisper and here they are fucking yelling at 6 AM!! I get no respect man. That's why I just say fuck it. The world doesn't revolve around my sister. It's her fault for having a job that makes her work late and its also her fault for staying out late and trying to sleep all day.

Then I find out from her site that she got pulled over a couple days ago when she was speeding and drunk and all she got was a warning. They should've suspended her license dammit!! She seriously needs to learn some responsibility. She doesn't even have a checking account to pay her own bills!!
</rant>

"..I only drive around the island when I'm depressed. Hmm, come to think of it, I haven't been depressed in a long time!"
"And that's a bad thing?"
"Oh no, just saying."

Too bad I only notice how long I've been content and happy when I'm slowly slipping back into the deep valley of sadness...

I am surrounded by negativity and I just can't escape the dark forces. I am drowning in it.

Hapa test. Can you tell who's hapa and who's not? Okay, so I only got a 66% but dammit! 12 out of 18 is pretty good I think! ...alright, its a damn shame. *hanging head*

link from hapachan's site

Chingoo ['friend'] was an interesting movie. I was a little disappointed in the fact that most of the movie was dark and it didn't really end on a happy note, but it was thought provoking nonetheless. Very graphic with violence and sex too. whew, I kinda felt like us Americans were somehow too conservative! haha or maybe not. However, I think I'm mostly disappointed because Grant didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted him to. Damn me for always hoping for too much in things I choose. Oh well, I'm glad I saw it. And I think they talked really funny. Anyone know if that's because of a southern dialect? i'm so unknowledgeable in these things.

yay! going to see chingoo tonight! even tho its raining and grant was really sick yesterday, but hey, we'll be indoors and he's a lot better today anyway. ^_~

but you gotta admit, he must really love me to go out when he's sick...and to go out to watch a korean film at that!

So here's what I don't get. Why do people still continue to use those stupid anonymizing programs to view my page? If they were gonna send me an evil email or evil gbook post maybe, but just to view it? It's not like I really care who visits my site. Sheesh. I mean, you really think you're that special for me to care? Not like I'd know anyway since all I really get is your isp and time zone. Dude, it could be anyone! Besides, even if I did know it was you, what could I do? Say, "oh look! so-and-so visited my page!" Yep, that's about it. wheee. So why care?

After that last post I ended up taking an hour nap. If Grant didn't call me up to tell me he was just gonna go home instead of staying at school and meeting me I probably would've slept right through my math class. whee.

And yay for my baby not going to camp anymore...but boo for it being because he's sick. =( Maybe now I can get him to go see Chingoo tomorrow at the film festival. [yay for subtitles!! but boo for not being able to see Gen Y Cops and other movies]

I'm so tired. I don't want to go to school now. I also need to clean my super messy room and put away day old washed laundry. bleh. My only thing to look forward to is seeing Grant. But dangit, I know he'll get out of class late again and then I'll have to go to class and I'll be irritated that I don't get the quality time with and I'll be even more pissed because it's the only time I get to see him and spend even a little time with him until friday afternoon. Damn his school camp.

See, I get irritated when I'm tired. Maybe I should jsut sleep and not go to class. ;P

wtf? alias isn't on. its that damned practice. boohar. =(

YAY! Alias is on tonight! I thankfully got to catch the rerun of the premire this past week thanks to ms. x...dear god where did she go? Does sd-6 have her? lol [yeah, i'm stupid like that] I'm all excited about seeing a new episode and getting on track with the rest of the world now. woohoo! maybe I should start working as a secret agent somewhere. Supposedly people with math degrees are intelligent enough right? Uhhh...right?

...not intelligent enough to stop procrastinating every weekend though.

yay for 3 emails in one day from people I don't normally get to hear from! I guess it really does help if I write them first huh. hahaha. hey, i'm trying. maybe you'll be next. muahahah

okay that was stupid. a sure sign that i need to sleep now so I can wake up in 6.25 hours. oh joy!

too bad so sad...;P

hmm...i think i say 'dammit' way too often. will have to try cutting back a little. we'll see how long this lasts. ;P

i'm getting sick. dammit!

*sigh* as always...thinking with my stomach...

Reading Min's blog made me miss the Cheesecake Factory. What I wouldn't give for some of their tiramisu cheesecake. =/

All I want to know is how much calories and fat boba has. Is that too much to ask?

First i see a rumor that 7 tapioca balls are 100 calories. Then I see another site saying their tropical fruit drinks are fat free. Can't someone just put the damn info somewhere?!

Organic Bubble Tea Popcorn? wtf?

These foods are just too weird!

Oh yeah..and Happy Halloweenie before it's too late! Hope you didn't eat too much candy!

I now have a craving for candy corn. dammit!

Today was a shitty traffic day. You'd swear everyone and their momma was on the road at the exact same time as me. And almost all of them don't know how to drive!! Freakin bastids kept me from getting to school on time! gah!!

On the way to G's house from school it took me practically 10 minutes to get from Kaiser Moanalua to the bottom of the hill by the Panasonic building, something that should normally only take a minute w/o traffic and up to 4-5 with normal traffic. At one point I think I was in one spot for at least a full minute before moving another 2 feet. And do you know why? Because stupid ass people who get into a 3 car fender-bender in the middle lane don't have the common sense to MOVE THEIR CARS TO THE FREAKING SIDE OF THE FREEWAY!!!!

Traffic is really bad for me though because after I finally get out of it, my natural instinct is to floor the gas and get as much speed out of my system as humanly possible, even if it means weaving through traffic. ugh.

I'm trying *really* hard not to snack as much as I'd like to. I always get the munchies and I have to do everything just to stop me from getting something from the kitchen. I think so far, one technique I'm mastering is going between the 2 fridges a couple times and each time holding the door open for a bit, staring inside and deciding that there is absolutely nothing worth eating right now. Of course I get irked inside but I just console myself that this is for the best.

You do know of course that there are bags of chips, bags of cookies, 2 pies, some pizza and tons of soda staring right back at me when I'm looking in. *sigh* I hate self-control.

Doesn't this look a bit disturbing to you? I mean, little kitties in buns?
from san-x

Gosh its weird. Now I actually have to think about the time difference. Its only 2 hours diff from cali right? and 5 from NY? I'm so glad I live in Hawaii. This daylight savings crap always gave me a headache. I still don't understand it fully.

good moooooooooooooorning!!!

ugh. i hate trying to wake myself up at 5 am

of to work now. byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Woop. 3 hours and a couple extensions and cleaning products for my computer later, I'm finally done with the room. I'm all proud.

And UH won against Fresno State while on national television. Can't get any better than that eh?

I'm procrastinating again but not because I want to. I *have* to satiate this need to rearrange my room. *sigh* We'll see if I can finish in a couple hours. *crossing fingers*

Dude, In reference to that invoice I got from that doctor, I just noticed that he charged $240 total just for examining me for less than 2 minutes and for just chatting with me for about 5-7 minutes! Dang. I am definitely going into the wrong line of work.

Not only do i have the urge to rearrange my room, I'm now thinking about "the scary 'r' word" as luckykat put it. It always happens about ever six months or so. Redesign? Am I crazy? As if I didn't have enough crap to keep me constantly playing catchup in life. Oh well, just watch..it'll still happen sometime in the next month. I certainly am crazy yo! [i just had this urge to end a sentence with 'yo!' hahaha]

Hilarious flash page. I love Colin Powell.

I can't believe it. I just got an invoice from that specialist doctor I saw for that little accident I had back in FEBRUARY!!

Now, I can understand that I need to pay the balance of whatever the insurance company didn't cover, but isn't the invoice a little late? I mean really. Okay, so they sent it back in September and the mail forwarding service in Berkeley SUCKS ASS!!! But still. Seven months is a long time to wait until sending it out. What's funny though is that it says my total is only just 30 days old (probably more now). Damn slow ass processing if you ask me.

So what happens when this guy delivers babies? Do they send the bill after the kid's first birthday?

I have this huge urge to rearrange my room again. I hate when this feeling hits me because more often than not I always end up doing it. More wasting of my time. wheee

And yay for not going to OP today. I know, I'm bad. But I can just blame it on my mom. She's the one that had jury duty. Sucks to be her. heh

Uhh yeah. You could say it's been a bad day.

Shit. You'd swear she thought she was God's gift to motherhood or some fucking crazy shit like that. Claiming she sacrifices every damn thing that could possibly make her happy just for me. Then she asks why I don't just move out then. Well I would you fucking loon if you didn't suck all my money away from me!!!

Dammit, I'll just taking the fucking bus if you think I'm not grateful. ERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!
I just finished my paper for Ed Foundations. I think this is the least amount of time I've let come between my finishing time and the beginning of class. 1.5 hours. Not bad eh? hehe

Not my fault this time though. Work and the early wake up is starting to take its toll. Feeling constantly drained and sleep deprived can't be a good thing. *yawn.* Maybe I should be like my weak ass sister who stayed home from school to sleep just because she got home late from work. heh.

Nah, too tempting. I'd never get anything done!!

Oh joy. Time to get ready for class. Ugh. That. is. the. boringest. class. EVER.

Yes, I did end up going to Morning Glory today. Dammit. I didn't buy any Mashimaro stuff though. They only really had Mashimaro stationary pads but I had already picked out a Kogepan one. haha. Then I picked up some Tarepanda stationary, a Kogepan eraser, and a packet of tissue. I love their packet tissue. lol

Too bad the prices at MG are like double the price in Korea. It irks me to see the korean price so clearly listed. I'd much rather live in ignorance sometimes. haha.

Yes, I did buy a whole bunch of useless stuff, but oh well, I'm happy. =P

Mashimaro is so cute!! Not as cute as my tarepanda, of course, but cute none the less. Makes me wanna go to Morning Glory to see if they have anything with him even though I'm so anti morning glory these days. It's so played out!!! But what a cutie. I wonder if they'll have tarepanda stuff too. hmmm. [just what I need...more stuff to blow my money away on ;P]

Tuesdays suck. But Wednesdays suck even harder. Of all my work/school days, I think I like Mondays the best, even though I destest my classes then too.

ARGH!! I don't want it to be Wednesday tomorrow. I hate being in the high school all day! Today was sooo bad since no one wanted to listen, especially in Algebra. ugh. shoot me now.

I have this little problem. Don't laugh at me okay? But I have this problem where I sometimes have trouble knowing whether I match or not. haha Ever since I was in Elementary school I have always had to ask my mom or sis [dad wouldn't know if it slapped him in the face] if I matched. I also had to ask what would match with certain peices of clothing. It's just not innate in my psyche or something. But also sometimes I think I have to be reassured by someone else because I already know it does or doesn't match. But I just hate it when I'm so hoping it matches [even though I may know better] and then my mom says it doesn't match. Sometimes I'll even not listen to her just because I'm stubborn like than and then I'll end up being paranoid the entire day that I'm not matching. haha

So now I'm wearing this light greyish-blue skirt and white top and wanted to know what kind of shoes would match. Considering I only really have black, her answer didn't really make me happy but yet I don't know what else I can do. My other clothes are in the wash and if they're not done within the hour I'll have no choice but to wear this. aish. I'm such a babo.

Have been feenin for some alterna-rock lately. Maybe I've become too saturated with the hip hop and R&B. bleh. So I've been tuning more to 101.9 and 97.5. Sometimes I'll hit up 96.3 but only if I don't mind that easy listening/ballad shtuff. heh.

So recently [as in less than 24 hours ago] I discovered Linkin Park. Well, technically I had heard of them before but this was my first time hearing their sound and actually paying attention to their video ["In the End"]. My thoughts? It was hella tight yo. I think they even have an Asian guy [Min, does that interest you? haha]. Anyway, I really like the singer and emcee/vocalist duo in their set up. It sorta makes for some lame parts in a video when one guy is doing his thing and the other guy is just chillin in the back but its the sound that matters right?

And today I also heard some Bush after like 4 years. Gosh I miss hearing Jhoel raving about Gavin. hahaaha. So yes, much downloading tonight. In addition, got some Nickelback - How You Remind Me, and Timbaland and Magoo - One and All (???). Usher - U Got It Bad, Genuwine - Differences, and Busta Rhymes - Break Your Neck are cool too. Hey, I didn't say I STOPPED listening to hip hop and shit. hehe

I always wonder why I bother reading some journals even though I know the person or their writing irritates me to no end. It must be some kind of sick pleasure of mine.

And you know you're thinking the same thing of me and my journal huh. heh

It's quite funny. Ironic really. After being such a [almost diehard] fan of H.O.T. [think top boy band in Korea like 2 years ago; now defunct] for years and not really wanting to admit that Sechskies [rival boy band for a while] was cool too, I can honestly say that the latter is probably my favorite Kpop group of all time right now..and probably forever. I sing a bunch of their slower songs at noraebang and one of my most favorite songs of all kpop is Moomohan Sarang from their 3rd album. Hilarious I tell you.

[but I'm still a fan of WooHyuk dangit! and don't you forget it! lol]

Of course, you probably won't really understand if you've never been into kpop.

Yes, this is what I do on Sunday nights when I'm procrastinating yet again. Oh, and if you notice multiple visits to your own pages, sorry, I'm trying to find things to distract myself. Kinda frustrating when people don't update around my schedule. hahaha jk. [i need coffee...or maybe a slurpee. mmmmm]

Here's my theory. People either love or hate signing guestbooks. Or maybe it's just me. I think I fall into the latter category and yet I still do at times and I even have one of my freakin own. I can't explain it. All I can say is that if I'm really bored or if I'm feeling extremely productive and in want of sharing my babble with others, then yes, I'll oblige. Or if they ask nicely. ["please won't you humor me?"] =) But really, I just find it funny for some strange reason. I just can't bring myself to do it even when I know I probably should. Same goes for email...

Okay, so maybe it's just my insanity. Nevermind.

Work drives me a little loony sometimes. I can say this and it's only my 3rd day of actually working. Great isn't it?

So I have to balance all this money and every single time so far I've managed to balance perfectly. Only thing is that before this wonderful feat happens I always manage to have some kind of screw up or another. Today, when my boss/trainer had to leave for like 2 hours to work at another store I managed to totally screw up my counts in my petty cash and my drawer. Never leave me alone again!! At least not in the next 2 weeks anyway. After trying to balance the petty cash like 5 different times I finally managed to get it to the total I was supposed to have. It's really quite amazing how I managed to count almost the exact same money and came out with 5 entirely different amounts! I started to think that the money would disappear if I put it into the safe! How utterly ridiculous. But hey, that's whay 'loony' means right? haha.

I'm a loon. Blame it on the 5 am wake up.

try bloggerbot its so cool! Blog thru IM!

Before I go to sleep...and it's not even 10 yet!!...things I've learned in the last 2 days:

- Love is a wonderful thing.

- Never just eat a pancake and grapes and expect that to hold you over for the entire day.

- Never get mad at your SO just because you think he/she stood you up and you've been waiting for their call for the last 3 hours. Maybe you forgot that he/she had to tutor. [oops]

- Staying in most of the afternoon reading magazines and watching tv will most likely give you a headache.

- My driving has become uber shitty [ie, heavy on the accelerator and not turning smoothly] so I'm being reformed into driving much less "recklessly"

- Sketcher's dressier shoes have rubber soles, but that rubber isn't really the kind that will prevent you from slipping on a wet/oily floor.

- Business at Waikele must suck now without much tourists. It sure was dead on a Thursday night.

- Red Lobster is good up until the salad and the appetiser. When you get your shrimp or crab, then it just becomes down right shitty.

- I feel naked without my watch.

- The people at the dry cleaning place next to Circuit City seemed just a tad bit rude.

- Although Gap had some great sale items, all I found were bottoms and despite my want, my need lies with tops. *sigh*

- I don't like the Forever 21 clothes as much these days. Pity.

- Poor Grant's bro got his wisdom teeth pulled and now can't eat very solid foods.

- The theaters at Pearl Highlands suck now. The theaters are too small, the seats are also too squishy, and they don't have the movable hand rests! This is what happens when you're spoiled and go to the Dole ones all the time.

- Serendipity is a great, entertaining, light hearted romantic movie.

- Right now I love Grant so much more than I did 5 minutes ago. More than 1 hour ago. And more than 1 day ago. It just keeps on growing.

YAY! I'm practically done with the paper and its almost time to go! Does this mean that is a good paper? Of course not. I've never been a good writer. Why should a cram fest be any different. hehehe.

Oh, and I'm very proud to say that on my second day of work I managed to balance everything perfectly for the second day in a row. Of course, there were a few problems before balancing, but that's not the point. Yes, I'm very proud. *beam* haha so cheezy.

Going to dinner at G's gram's and gramp's house for dinner. [YAY! I love them! They're so cute!]

So that leaves me with 1.5 hours to bs my way through this paper. #$@%! It never takes me less than at 2 hours to write something at least 2 pages long and full of meaningful, coherent content. Yeah, procrastination is my WORST habit.

Ok...philling is putting up a stink cuz I'm misrepresenting his opinions so here's his exact words:

Philling: hey man. i don't like iron monkey better just for the fighting
me: haha sure
me: you said it~
Philling: well that's not the main reason. i like the fighting better than the fighting in cthd
me: hahahah
me: so does this mean i have to rewrite what i said?
Philling: nah
Philling: you can just add somethign in your next entry
Philling: hehehe
me: lol
Philling: i can go over specifically what i didn't like in cthd ;P
me: ok. list it and i'll post it up
Philling: 1) dialogue in cthd seems... pretty strange (almost bad). this is probably a translation problem because the screen play was first written in english then translated to chinese
me: is that it?
Philling: 2) the story line also seemed ... how to put it mildly.. white-washed chinese storyline... kind of like what a non-chinese person thinks of chinese culture
Philling: specifically was the theme of undying honour and restricted love between chow yun fat and michelle yeoh
Philling: 3) the spoken mandarin was pretty bad... for once i woudl have prefered the actors to speak in their original dialect (meaning chow yun fat and michelle yeah) or actually have dubbers for them
Philling: 4) acting wise chow yun fat did ok.. but i thought this was one of michelle yeoh's lesser performances... i've never seen her so stoic and monotone (perhaps it's the mandarin)
Philling: notice how i didn't mention even the action yet ;P
me: hey phil...you think you could hurry up a little? i'm need to sleep real soon. [wake up in 6 hours]
Philling: i'll give you the rest later heheh
Philling: you can say... it's a continuing list
me: haha okay.
Philling: ok last part for today
Philling: 5) CTHD seems to struggle between two genres: action and drama. as an action film it suffers when you acknowledge what has been done before it and in other films... as a drama, it seems ok but still doesn't tally up much memorable scenes in my mind...

Dude, talk about overkill. And it's not even done yet. Dork huh. haha. Hi Phil!! lol

I'm wondering if Iron Monkey will be do well when it comes out here in the US. Philling bhurd sent me a bootleg copy [thanks phil!] and at first I thought it sucked. But that was only because the fricken subtitles went way too fast to enjoy it. When I finally got around to watching it [during an intese session of procrastination] I thought it was pretty enjoyable. It's mostly fighting and the story is kinda lame but it was still entertaining. Quite different from Crouching Tiger. No, I'm not saying CTHD was not enjoyable [i think only phil thought so] but this had way more fighting. Hence, phil loves this more than CTHD. Therefore causing me to wonder if American audiences will feel the same way.

And I wonder if they'll slow down the damn subtitles. aish.

...dude! This movie was made in 1993! and the little boy is actually a girl! I didn't know! hahaha

Going to your first day of work on only four hours of sleep is never a good thing. But hey, at least I balanced everything on my first day. woohoo.

Okay. Paper time. bleh.

Dangit. Did something stupid even though it seemed so right at the time. So tomorrow I'm gonna have to fix it after I have my orientation. Wheeee. This is *so* not gonna be fun.

On IM tonight, playfully arguing about money and stuff:

...
G: still comes out the same in the end
me: i guess
G: that's right
G: i know
me: yeah whatever. you THINK you know
G: no, i KNOW i know
G: haha
me: i KNOW you THINK you know but you really DON"T know
me: =P
me: hahah
G: okay, so i don't know sometimes,but I do KNOW i love you
G: haha
G: take that
me: aww. i LOVE you too
G: ha, see i know what i'm talking about

He's such a dork, but gosh he's so cute when he is!
cheezy!
^____^

Happy Chusok!
[dunno what they say in korean. hehe]
Yeah, I know I'm just a tad late.

Now I have this craving for yakgwa and songpyun. argh!

Wish I was from a "Korean" Korean family. Oh the torture of being 4th generation and so far removed from all those festive holidays! ;P

the journal is back!
whee!
oh boy! oh boy!

Don't get *too* excited now.
hehe

YAY!!!!

I FINALLY GOT A JOB!!!

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH! Dis paper stay killin me la dat. I like give up da kine already.

"Da kine = whateva you like say La dat = like that"

As if life couldn't get any more complex and packed full of trials, we now have a flea infestation in our house. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok..back to the hiatus. heh

Yes, the tragedy of the towers and the pentagon hurts.

What is hurting me more now is the way so many ignorant people just want to "get rid of them all." "Them" supposedly means those violent fanatics but the implied feeling is just to kill all Arabs. That in itself hurts and angers me. How can our country be full of such ignorant, racist people? Yesterday a man called the radio station calling for all of "them" to be shipped out of the US. After the Japanese internment 60 years ago you would think we would've learned.

With these things occurring, I'm starting to see the dark side of America and am wishing just a bit that I just lived somewhere else.
It's definitely a sad time.

I feel more American and more love for my country than I have ever in my life time.

It is a time for mourning, and it is disheartening that someone would try so very hard to tear apart the foundation and freedom of our country.

My prayers are with our country and all its citizens.

These are the only feelings I can express in words...

Met my mentor teacher today. It was okay but I just need to exude a little more confidence and uhh...personality i guess.

That and I need to make myself look at least 5 years older. She said "You look like a student." Ack!

Start the observing Wednesday. I'll be taking roll. Next week she mentioned something about me going over homework. Pray for me.

hehe

Did you know...

[regarding cats]

Tortoise-shell males are rare ones. This is due to the fact that the genes controlling the particular colour-form are carried on the X chromosomes, the red gene on one and the non-red gene on the other. The catch is that only females have two X chromosomes, so only females can display the red plus non-red tortoise-shell combination. Males have instead one X chromosome and one small Y chromosome, which means that on their single X they carry either the red OR the non-red gene, but cannot have both. Therefore they are either all over red tabby or all over black.

Tortoise-shell males are occasionally born, but are always born sterile. (They develop with the combination XXY.)

and did you know...

[re cats again]

97% of orange tabbies are in fact male. Usually the females are calicos. For a female to be orange, dad has to be orange, and mom has to be orange (100% chance of passing the O gene) or tortoise shell (she then has a 50/50 chance of passing on the O gene.)

My parents are back from a 3 day hiatus. dammit.

I have way unfinished homework that is due in 2 days. shit.

I haven't felt in the mood to share much recently. sorry.

till next time i guess...

I'm caught in the middle of an embittered battle between my mom and my aunt now. Why my mom has to pick fights with people in our family I'll never know, but why the hell do I always have to get dragged into it? shit.

Grant is my guardian angel. All he wants to do is take me away from all of this and make me happy. That was definitely the one thing I needed to hear tonight.

I'm alive and trying to do homework. bah. I think I'm still in vacation mode. Not a good thing.

Okay..back to toiling away. laters...

Dammit. I hate feeling bitter and irratated and all this negative shit.

Tonight my mom decided to give away all her jewlery. First it was going to my aunt. Then I protested and so I was to take what I wanted. But being the goddamn fair person I am, I opted to wait for my sister and then we'd split it. Well, even though I got the nicest one of it all, I'm still super bitter because I wasn't aggressive enough and my sister ended up with all the nice shit. She has a majority of it all and now I'm so very bitter at it all.

I'm so bitter and mad at myself not only because I feel cheated and jipped but also because I know I shouldn't be this materialistic over such stupid things.

ARGH!!!

Besides the lingering Starbucks craving, I also have this great need to go travelling again. Not just travelling though, I reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaally want to travel on a plane with someone I know, preferrably Grant. There's nothing like killing those 5+ hours with someone else. It sure as hell beats flying solo. That's the worst. So my sole reason for wanting to travel is because of the company. Go figure.

damn. it's pretty dang scary when you find a blog that belongs to your high school friend's younger sister. it's especially scary when you only remember that girl as a young, small, kinda chubby [but still cute!] kid and now you see her as this pretty high schooller that acts just like how you'd expect a high schooller to.

I feel old now. >O.o<

I suddenly have this huge craving for some starbucks. Say some white mocha? I'd even be happy with some steamed milk with a shot of vanilla. ooh. Or maybe a caramel frappuccino.

Dammit! I need to get out!!!

I'm going through a royal fix right now. It must be because of Princess Diana's death anniversary...

Did you know that Schlesweig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is genealogically the royal family's last name but the Queen gave a decree some years ago saying that it would be Windsor for royals with title from then on. Those without title would take on the name Mountbatten-Windsor.

That's so cool.

Oh! And I think that Prince William is like the ONLY white guy I find extremely attractive. He's a cutie. ^_^

...damn. I just found out that the princes can't marry anyone who's Roman Catholic but protestant, non-divorced Americans are technically okay. Maybe I should consider converting. hahaha

Being that time of the month [yes, I'm so sure all of you need to know that] I am quite bitter at what I have to go through. Dammit. Why can't men have the menstral cramps, the messy bleeding, and the worry of leaking and staining? But I am straying from the topic I wanted to discuss...

Why do some people feel the need to still have sex while the woman is on her rags? Does this not gross anyone out? I mean, it's hard enough to feel sexy and "in the mood" when cramps are making me feel like crap, but to have sex and put up with the nasty funk odor and mess?

Okay, I can sorta understand that maybe there's just no other time but the present that you can do the funky funky but uhh...if push comes to shove...I ain't gonna do it. Blech. This would be a good place to perform a little oral stimulation instead [for the guy of course!!]. My thinking is, if both of us can't be satisfied, at least one of us should.

In the end, it just really comes down to the gross factor for me. A little blood, maybe at the waaaaaaay end of a cycle, is manageable, but not a lot because you still have to deal with the smell. As a guy friend of mine stated, "it smells like bloody fish." I'm sure you didn't need to have that graphic visual put into your head, but at least now you can gauge the level of grossness that I feel this act attains. *shudder* So please...don't do it!!

Oh yes, another interesting thing happened today:

My math methods professor called me, and, after my mom finished yelling at me before handing me the phone, he asked me if I wanted to teach the math class which I was supposed to be observing this semester. Apparently the teacher I was to be paired with just found out her husband has leukemia. It's so sad. I'd gladly do it, but I honestly feel I'm not ready to teach, especially without ever observing a single math class. Wish I could help. Now I wonder which school I'll be placed at.

So here's the deal:

For every time I bite my nails, I owe a quarter to the piggy bank. Once that piggy bank reaches $3.50 [enough for a value meal] Grant is going to take me to McDonalds, will make me order the meal for him, and will make me watch him eat every last bite as we sit inside that McDs. This punishment goes against everything I believe in so hopefully it'll help me break the habit. If not, I won't be able to kiss him for days! At least he didn't stick with the original plan of forcing me to eat McDs. Oh the horror!

And yes, this deal was sealed with a kiss. hehehe ^_^

Grant is so cute. He came over today after his observation at the elementary school and brought lunch. Then we were chatting for a bit but I knew he was tired so I made him nap. Grant snores a little! hehehe. It's the cutest thing, especially when he wakes up occasionally and notices I'm watching him sleep. Then I caved in and napped for an hour with him. Napping is very nice, especially when it's with someone you love. ^_^;

Happie birsdays to many people out there. I know I'm gonna forget someone since I'm being really bad with my memory these days...

Tammy, Cyn, JP, Jay, and umm...I know there are probably tons more that have either long passed or I just plain forgot. That and I kinda feel weird about wishing people a happy birthday when I have never contacted them before and I only know OF them through their website. Am I just being weird?

But yeah, if I've not mentioned you, I'm sorry. *sticking out hand and waiting for a smack* =) Hope you all have great bdays!

Blackouts suck. Especially when they only allow you back online RIGHT AFTER the only person who can make your dreary day seem not so bad signs off.

dammit. I'm going to sleep. damn this humidity!

So how was my first day back to UH? Pretty shitty if you ask me. The parking security people were being shitheads and closed the parking structure off to everyone who did not have a parking pass. Dammitalltohell! It doesn't help that I was supposed to get my pass from my friend today [ended up not tho since she works in the food office and they were bogged down today so she had no time to get it]. I ended up searching for parking for at least an hour [in the middle of the day!!!!] and finally nabbed the last free spot in the public lot near Varsity theater. Shitheads - every single one of them. When I was talking to one of the guards there was even this other lady saying she was a teacher in the nursing school and they still wouldn't let her in. Even the teachers were getting screwed! I swear I was so pissed, especially since I was wearing pretty uncomfortable sandals [since i came from the burial, which was short and kind of awkward. my mom irked me again with her negative comments yet again, but that's a whole nother story] and I had to walk all the way to the admin building. It didn't help that a light rain had just fallen creating the utmost horrid humidity in conjunction with the hot asphalt and concrete around me. grrrr! I was so sweaty by the time I got to admissions & records.

But the good news is that I now have resident tuition! yay! I got the tax clearance today in town [and after all the shit i went through they now told me they HAD my refiled return dammit] and I finally got my residency settled. WOOHOO! Later, after my Ed foundations class I tried to fix my financial aid but the lady basically told me that I had to go back tomorrow to meet with an advisor since it was too late today. I waited in that gotdamn line for at least 30 minutes!!! SHIT!!!!!! I swear, I feel like I'm a freshman again! Nevermind the fact that I've already got my BA and I'm a grad student, I'm classified as a "new student" and as such I get treated like a stupid freshman with no priority whatsoever. dammit!

At least my classes were OKAY. The ed foundations course is severely over enrolled and some people just need to get the hell out. I would switch to the night class, but with my etec class I just can't anymore. boohoo. I also had my Special Ed class this evening and it seems like it'll be interesting. Our teacher is all about efficiency and has streamlined all the "housekeeping." I like it. And the good thing about the classes I had today? Well, all of my classes for that matter...is that they all only meet once a week! So these monday classes get hit with 2 holidays this semester. Next monday [woohoo!] and Veteran's Day in November [poor Cal doesn't get that day. hah! its one thing to make me happie ;P]. We'll see how my math class goes tomorrow.

Now i'm off to soak my blistering feet. *sob*

I think school starting tomorrow is taking its toll on my sanity. It's not the actually school work, but the fact that my schedule and his schedule won't really allow much time anymore. That sucks to the nth degree where n goes to infinity. I won't see him till Friday for sure and Wednesday night maybe. It doesn't help that I'm already really disappointed from not being able to go to the car show. I don't know why I let these little, stupid things get to me.

Tomorrow is the burial then class from 1-7. Hopefully I'll be able to fit in a trip to the tax office somewhere in between.

I'm also starting to wonder how much longer I can do this whole journal thing the way I do. I'll be a teacher soon and if students were to somehow find me, well, it wouldn't be too good for my professional career now would it? Needless to say, I'm very much reevaluating things. =/

I'm still alive and kicking for those of you wondering. I've just been a little busy and lazy the last few days or so. It's like, with less than one week of summer left, I'm busy all of a sudden. What's up with that? But ummm..I still owe people emails. Do not fear, I will write back! Hmm, I think that is more of a bad threat than a good promise. haha.

I now have a huge urge to go to Old Navy now so off I go to Ala Moana [the Pearl Highlands one is so ghetto now!]. wheeeeeeee!

Last night/this morning I woke up crying from a bad dream. From what I can remember, I just got frustrated from not being able to get these four annoying white guys out of my house. I guess you could call them unwanted house guests who just barged in and made themselves at home. I remember trying to physically pull one out the door and I was so weak all I did was stretch the guys shirt without budging him. I was so frustrated I was yelling at them and I just wanted them out of my house. I didn't know them and I felt so helpless. They just didn't give a shit. So then I broke down and cried and that's when I woke up. It was a very disconcerted feeling and I hate feeling like that. I still can't believe I woke up crying heavily though; it was the first time ever.

Then I went back to sleep, and woke up after having another dream dealing with a chinese dragon dance. I think there was a white couple in the dragon and after so long the front/head person would be removed and the next person would take over the head. I kept wondering if these white people would know how when it came to their turn.

Please don't think I have anything against white people. This was just a dream. As for the first one, I just hate rude people in general. I hate bad dreams.

Went hiking up Diamond Head yesterday with my friend Julie and her bf Jonathan, who were in town visiting. I am now slightly burnt, but my face has a nice tan glow to it. hehehe.

We then had the Sunday brunch at Sam Choy's restaurant. Damn that was good food. Swordfish poke...mmmm *drool* My favorite was the waffles though. My sweet tooth always gets the better of me. Mmmm...whip cream. =)

Fun was had by all and I'm glad I got to see Julie again after months. I doubt I'll see her for another year at least though. She really made me miss our time in Korea. I want to sing at noraebang, shop at Dongdaemun, and eat ddukbokkee and naengmyun again!! mmmm Naengmyun. *drool*

Seventeen days.
It took the best friend 17 days to remember the birthday.

Better late than never right? =P

I'm wallowing in self-pity again. Yeah, I know. It's never a good thing. Things are just sucking right now and I just wish I could get myself out of the house sometimes.

*sigh*

Don't you hate it when you're talking to someone and the conversation is just really awkward and not flowing smoothly? Well, that's just the kind of phone conversation I had with my friend Julie who's in town. She wanted to confirm meeting up on Sunday. Only problem was that I hadn't thought about what we were going to do exactly. I don't know why, but even though I've lived here for like 22 years, I can never think of anything to do for me or for others. So I settled for going with them to Diamond Head and then having lunch afterward. Not too bad of a plan, but the conversation was just not very good.

I think my social skills have gone down the tube. It's kind of depressing.

My paranoia is continuing especially after I tried shutting down a little while ago and it warned me that I would be cutting off like 3 people who were connected to my computer. WTF? I didn't have any ftps or any programs open at all. It's so freaky!

Hey, you'd be paranoid too if you had mean people harassing you.

So now I'm talking to my "techie guru" Lester and he's trying to assure me that its probably just something with my cable network and he's telling me to password protect my folders. But password protecting is such a fucking pain gosh dammit!!!!

Mean people, who make my life miserable, suck.

Okay, good night. err..good morning to you east coaster. ;P

The bad/strange/ucky dreams continue. I'm not gonna be graphic, cuz well, it's disturbing enough just thinking about it. But let me just say that it was like watching really bad gay porn. Not that I've ever watched gay porn in my life, but if I ever did, I'd say that what I "saw" this morning would've probably been classified as really bad and disgusting. *shudder* It was really gross!!!!

why me? =(

phunnie video.
damn, i'm glad I'm not a guy. ;P

I swear I learn something new about cars every time I talk to Grant. I already knew he could tell the difference between a manual and automatic car just by the sound, but yesterday I also learned that a car with a turbo has a certain sound too.

Last night I was telling our friend Tanya, who knows a lot more about sewing and cars than I'm sure most girls even care to know, that I now have all this information about cars in my head but I'm still figuring out how to organize it so I can actually remember it. I don't know if this is a good thing. It sure is hilarious though.

Hmm, is there a new Acura with 260 horsepower? Grant and Tanya were trying to figure out what it was since Tanya saw a commercial for it. She doesn't think it's the RSX since it only has 200.

See! If you had asked me this a year ago, would I have even cared? Would I even have known what a horsepower was? haha Scary I tell you.

dammit!!!!

I refiled my taxes 2 months ago and paid almost $500 just so I could fucking fix my residency status for tuition purposes but it still hasn't been processed and now i'm fucked. DAMMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

bored bored bored.
dunnoing what to doing.
window shopping?
driving around the island?
dudidu
pupipu

hmm, do i know someone from ucdavis?
sorry, i just get uber paranoid sometimes. heehee
email me?

I was going to make a journal entry out of this but I felt it better not to. Besides, I've been feeling really lazy this whole weekend so tough. hehe

I came across this website [www.findthegspot.com] today while reading up on stuff. Take that as you will but I thought it was pretty damn funny. I dunno if I would open it up at work but it's not exactly porn or anything. Hmm, maybe some guys can learn from this.

I also followed some of the links from that page like www.sexualpositionsfree.com and thought those were pretty cool freakin hilarious too. hehe.

Why does it seem like a whole bunch of journallers are talkin bout sex and stuff these days. Probably because that's what interests everyone the most? keke

Grant forgot his pants here today. You know you all have your minds in the gutter [pervs...the whole lot of you!] but you better start thinking differently because he was merely changing for work in my room and forgot them. Sheesh. Anyway...

What is it about guys that smells so nice? Granted, a lot of guys emit some nasty funk odor at times, but when you're with your "hunny" you can't help but think everything about him smells yummy..er, I mean nice. I think it may partially be his detergent. This is not to say that I'm smelling his pants or anything. Okay! So I did once! and not in anywhere gross! Damn you all!

My mom said the stupidest thing to me and Grant today [in addition to the other stupid things she's already said the last few days...check the journal]. She said "Has anyone told you you two look like brother and sister? You both have long faces and bushy eyebrows. The only thing is that she's whiter than you."

Yeah mom. I've always wanted to look like I was in an incestuous relationship. Thanks.

Remember Stinkymeat way back when? Well, now there's also the Fat project, Stinkyfeet, and Stinkymeat 2! What possesses these people to actually volunteer do these things?

Warning: its pretty gross. blech.

Tonight is being spent cleaning the messy room. We're talking disaster area in a state of emergency here. haha. I think Grant's getting a tad impatient with it, so I guess its finally time.

On a side note, did you know that Jimmy Smits is in the new Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones? He'll be Princess Leia's adoptive dad, Bail Organa. I actually found this out because I spent a good hour or so just reading bios of all the Star Wars characters and such. Yeah, I was that bored.

MC was talking about this anime called Initial-D about Japan street racing and all I could think was that it was perfect for Grant in his brother. It's not even funny how much I know his brother would like it. Let's put it this way, all he does in school is draw cars in class, and he's hoping to one day get a hachiroku all his own, while he has this love for skylines and RX7s [but can't afford them]. Those two. I swear, the other week, after Grant put in his springs and struts, all they did was talk about what else they could do to modify his car and all this other car stuff for like almost an hour! Hilarious.

So what am I doing now at 1 am? I'm trying to find episodes to download. Why? because I'm an idiot that's why. haha. Maybe I can learn more by watching it so I can impress my baby...uhhh....or maybe not. ;P

Okay, this is just another reason why I hate anonymizer.com. I'm sorry if I offend anyone this time around, but hey, now its personal. Evil, defaming, and cruel emails is one thing, but posting personal information for anyone to see and actually contact me is NOT.

Hmm, I think I'll look into banning. Sorry, it's just gotta be done I guess.

FUCKING A!

Someone fucking posted all my personal info in a forum on korealink 2 weeks ago. Dammit! Even my personal email which not everyone knows. That's why some guy called my house saying I posted something looking for korean guys. Someone really wants to die soon. Why are people so fucking rude and cruel in this world?

I'm done. finally.

And that's all I can say for now.
It was hard as shit. hmm shit isn't really hard though. but you know what I mean. I'll be so pissed if I miss the minimum score by a few points. I either want to pass by a few points or fail by a landslide. hehe. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE

Ok. just a short note before i go back to trying to cram 5 weeks of studying into one night.

I. AM. SO. F*CKED.

Yes. Thankfully its only a 2 hour test. But maybe by some divine intervention I'll actually pass. Or maybe not, seeing as how I basically forgot how to integrate this afternoon.

What? Its been like 3 years. Give me a break here!

Thanks and return emails will be given after tomorrow's test. Sorry if i appear to be ungrateful or rude. I'm not. I promise!

Well I feel stupid now. [what else is new]

All this time I thought this song "Endlessly" was sung by Backstreet Boys since that's what it was labeled as on Bearshare. Now, thanks to aleen, I have found out that it's actually by a group called b4-4. And all this time I was wondering why I couldn't distinguish any of bsb's voices. haha

okay this has been bugging me for a while and i just really want to know if it actually exists...

The "back" button for your browser [IE at least anyway] can be done with the backspace button on the keyboard, so what is the shortcut key for "forward"?

i konw, i'm dumb. heehee

I'm very disappointed that the House passed Bush's energy plan. Sure the country is in need of more energy sources and the area they plan to drill may be "desert" but it's STILL a wildlife refuge.

It just irks me to think about all of this because Bush's election campaign was majorly financed by oil companies. And lest we forget, he *is* from the oil state of Texas. I mean really, could it look any more obvious?

They could've at least raised the milage standards on SUVs or something. You can't just drill for more and not promote conservation in other areas. Americans are just greedy people who will suck the earth dry till the end. My parents are two of these millions of people. I won't even start to get into the whole Kyoto treaty.

I still think Bush is an idiot who will ruin us all in the next 3.5 years. Just wait till you baby boomers go on social security. You'll be screwed and you'll just have to wonder why. heh.

This is my horoscope for August 2, 2001, my birthday:

In the aftermath of an agitating episode, you need some peace and quiet. Think of sleep as medicine. Inasmuch as it allows you to rest and heal, it's the ideal cure for what ails you. The solution to a momentous problem will seem more obvious tomorrow morning. A delay puts your subconscious mind to work.

Kinda funny huh? I guess I better take the advice. weeeeiiiiiirrrd

Okay, things are looking a little more better. The cupcakes are done and a chocolate one with sprinkles is set aside for grant when he comes over tomorrow.


This is despite my inner bitch not wanting him to come over because it'll just be for like an hour and i'm greedy and demanding. But i'm trying to repress these emotions. really.

i'm feeling a lot better right now.

i think it helps to actually get out of the house, even if it's only for grocery shopping [especially if all you're buying is cake mix and frosting. hehe], and stop listening to all that shitty, depressing music. Its better to speed off to safeway while jamming to korean techno. whee.

and now i'm making cupcakes. cupcakes will bring a smile to just about anyone, including me.

that doesn't mean that i'm all happie happie now of course. i still wish grant wasn't such a baby with his cold. sure he just wants to get better and that's why he refuses to go out, but dangit, if your gf needs you...well. i won't get into it. it's not worth it to ruin my okay mood right now. hmph.

anyway...here's a survey to promote some reader participation:

Flavors

Which flavor do you like the best? Vanilla Chocolate Strawberry None of the above-I like to be different

Current Results

hmm, i just realized. this could very well be my quarter life crisis i'm going through. how funny



not like anyone cares

You know, whenever i get really depressed and things seem almost unbearable I tend to think about death alot. Not like killing myself kind of death, just about events that have occurred in the news or in movies related to death. Last night I was trying to think myself to sleep and I couldn't stop having these images pop in my head. Its really bad.

and its really bad that I'm sitting here wondering if the people around me would ever notice if I just stopped eating or if I developed some kind of eating disorder. Not like I'd do it, but if I ever did, it would be totally for attention reasons [as if journalling wasn't whoring enough attention?].

My tummy hurts now since i gorged myself on spicy cajun pringles an hour ago and I haven't really eaten anything else all day [nothing really to eat in this house but chips, ice cream, or twinkies]. Its dinner time now [pizza. woo so healthy] and my tummy is too sore to eat. hmmmm.

hey. wow. its august already. what a trip. i am now 22 years 364 days old. woop

everytime i hear a loud car muffler my hopes go up and then come falling back to earth. man, i need to stop putting myself in these situations.

...and then when i finally get their attention I act like a bitch and push them away.

boy am i smart or what?

I hate it when the people i need most aren't there when i need them.
Then again, i never let them know that i need them so i guess that's what my problem is.

People need to learn how to read my mind.

sucks sucks sucks sucks this week really SUCKS!

Dang. Good thing I kept that stupid telemarketer in the back of my mind. I was supposed to get shit from them 7-10 days after but I got nothing and I just wanted to get it to cancel anyway. So I finally call today and they had my phone number wrong, those bastids. I was signed up but the authorization wasn't right so that's why I didn't get anything. Grrr. I hate when shit like that happens to me.

Moral of the story: Don't give in to telemarketers just to shut them up because you may forget to cancel later.
Dangit.

My parents' present for my bday: A $50 discount on my rent.

whee. Shows the how much sentiment the put into it, no?
Not that I'm complaining about $50 of course.

dang...i'm rereading my blog from this year so far and i had forgotten how much i used to write here when i was in cali. All because of the boredom at work. haha. i don't have much to rant about these days so i guess that's a good thing right? but its so funny to remember all the things i despised so much.

Oh yeah, anyone have any ideas for what to get Grant on our anniv? I'm stressin here, and he keeps laughing at my attempts to "casually" ask questions. grrr. ;P

I DON'T WANT TO DO MY HOMEWORK GOSH DANGIT!!!!

frustration at its worst. bleh

This is just wrong.

To put a child through a torturous thing like name riddicule on purpose is just cruel and unusual. Its hard enough to get by with regular names!