WAH!!! Puffer #3 has died. This morning it refused to eat, even seeming to be scared of the brine. I tried and tried until i just figured, "eh, he'll be hungry by this evening." Only to come home from school a couple hours early and find the stupid thing stiff as a board. I'm really starting to wonder if my tank is just contaminated. I certainly don't have certain things to keep the water ultra clean. hmm. I'm now contemplating a bigger, better tank..hopefully the last two will survive to see that day.

oh well, i guess that's enough procrastinating. (Alias and Charmed weren't even on. boo)

Off to grade papers! Whee!

You know, I don't think I've ever been so content with the same page design/layout as I have been with this one. Really, I have no desire to change it. I mean, why should I when ichigopan up there looks so damn cute?

oh yes...and I've finally updated my links. Took me long enough. ;P

It's been a busy weekend.

Friday night we had dinner with G's sister and her "guy friend." Uh yeah. Don't ask how that happened. It went smoothly though and the guy was pretty nice..just a tad old..and with 3 kids O.o! We'll see what happens in the future...regarding dinners with the sister that is.

Saturday we just ran errands and Grant put on his new rims. I took a nap while the latter occurred. hehe. That night we had dinner wtih Kekoa and Tanya at Sorabol and went to see Die Another Day. The movie was okay. Kinda cheezy at some points. Grant think it seems more "fake" since Madonna was in it. ?? I have no opinion. I'm more of a Sean Connery bond fan anyway. =)

Now its Sunday, the day where I do all my work. dangit. School work (grading & planning), house work, and car washing work. I've come to loathe Sundays. Bah. It doesn't even feel like a weekend. I was all bummed because it didn't even seem like I spent time with Grant at all..even though i saw him practically all yesterday. I hate sharing. ;P Now its back to the daily grind. At least its a short week. yay.

It sucks to not have anyone to cheer me up. I have that feeling in my stomach that I had back in June...you know, when I was really depressed (about grant being in japan and not calling at all) and pretty much lost my appetite and stopped eating. Yeah, that feeling. The feeling that sorta seems like hunger pains, but its also painful like a stomach ache when you eat too much. It doesn't help that I've been feeling nauseous when I think about food or after I eat. This has been going on for at least a month but I just tried to ignore it. Now I don't feel like eating at all. I guess this just means one thing. Something definitely needs to change in my work situation. It wouldn't be healthy for me to starve...even though I do need to lose like 5-7 pounds.

Of course, its not a good sign either that I didn't want to call won about our scheduled dinner tomorrow. I don't feel much in the mood for socializing, but lo and behold she called me. Perhaps I just need to get off my sorry ass and see my friends...er...friend. singular. Funny how I can count all my friends on one hand.

Some people probably wonder why most teachers quit by their 5th year. Well, here are some reasons I've come up with after just 1.5 quarters:

1. Beginner teachers get the crap classes. When I say "crap" I mean the lowest of the low. Take my classes for example: 3 PreAlg and 2 CoreAlg, all of which are INCLUSION (ie, half the students are sped or special needs). Oh yeah, and my inclusion classes come with an Inclusion "teacher" who basically does jack shit at this point.

2. There is an overwhelming amount of work and planning that needs to be done. Since you haven't taught the classes before, you need to plan. You also need to grade so many fucking papers you wonder if you should just stop assigning work just to make it end. Every subsequent year *should* get better though.

3. Due to reason #1, you have all the students that cause teachers to grow grey hairs. They refuse to do work either because they're fucking lazy, or because they feel they're too damn stupid since they are in the classes as named in reason #1. They also have problems keeping their mouths shut at the appropriate time, thereby wasting at least a fifth of your classtime just trying to shut them up while you're teaching.

4. Because half the students are lazy, they do not complete most of their assignments (even when given half the class time to do it) and as such, often fail their quizzes and exams. This then leads you to question whether or not you're a capable teacher or if they really are *that* stupid (even with the aid of note cards and teacher help!).

5. Shitty pay for the shitty work described in reasons #1-4. I could at least be getting paid a couple thousand more if it weren't for that fucking teacher's contract they negotiated a year before I became a teacher (sometimes I wonder if other teachers really do like screwing over their own kind..you know, that whole "you gotta pay your dues too" shit?). Now I have a BA in math AND a teaching certificate (ie, some grad work which I'm only now starting to pay off!) and I get paid the exact same amount as people who have just a mere B.Ed. Fucking A. I didn't extend my education just to get fucked this way be too poor to afford any kind of comfortable living.

...

yeah, you could say I've hit a little rough spot. If the list isn't evidence enough, what about me wondering what other possible occupations I could pursue? All I've come up with so far is Flight Attendant.

boo. another puffer died today. I think it was sick as it wouldn't eat for the last couple days. I tried everything to feed it. The other puffers are bullies and pigs. But i still love em. 2 down, 3 to go. =/

this week has just sucked like hell. I didn't realize that I was in a downward spiral until it was too late. Perhaps all those computer games make me forget until it all comes flooding in.

Teaching is tough and this week has certainly tested me in that arena...and its only a 4 day work week! I just want my weekend to start. I want to laugh and be happy again. Having bad dreams induced by work stress is never a good sign.

fucking computer games. I just spent the last hour or so playing diamond mine...all on one run. I got up to 39,615 points. Took long enough though. You know its bad when you're chanting in your head "die, die! no more moves!" I'm the type that has to play until i die. I can't just give up. Its about friggen time. I need to sleep. And I didn't grade one damn paper today. gah!

I always see craigslist mentioned by various online people but today i heard of it through a real friend...

Rose: i'm going winetasting on monday with my new friends from craigslist
Me: craigslist?
Me: you made new friends from craigslist?
R: yeah
R: i didn' tell you i posted an ad
Me: you're so funny rose! =)
Me: i don't think i'd be able to do that
Me: what did it say?
R: i need to meet people some how
R: in sf, it's no big deal to do it
R: so i figured why not
R: it's better than sitting at home depressed, wishing for friends
R: oh but i just said sometihng like i just moved here from the bay area, looking for people to hang out with
Me: very true.
Me: how many people replied?
R: about 4 or 5?
R: but only 2 of them i met...and they are both really really nice
R: and cool =)

...

R: maria did i tell you that i hang out with gay guys
R: it's so funny
Me: you do?
R: yeah my coworker [insert name #1 here]
R: and then my roommate
R: my roommate's friend [insert name #2 here] is here on vacation
R: and #1 likes him
R: he's all flirting with him on the phone now
R: it's so funny
Me: you have a roommate?
Me: lol
Me: you always have such interesting coworkers
R: i thought you knew i had a gay rooommate
R: i found him on craigslist too
R: craigslist has enhanced my life
Me: hahahhaha
Me: you could be their spokesperson

^_^

Here's my teaching dilemma for the day:

There's this student that spends most of the class time talking to friends, walking around the room, and never doing her work, even when half the class period is given for her to do it. Then comes the test and she wonders why she can't even do half of it. She gives attitude like nothing else and thinks I have something against her since I am always telling her to pay attention (it says to keep her "on task" in her own IEP!!) She has even gone so far as to call me racist (she happens to be black)...oooh that pissed me off. The thing is, after all this really annoying shit she puts me through I'm starting to wonder whether or not I'm subconsciously not giving her my all...like I'm just too tired to care...which is partially true, but am I doing it deliberately?

But today I was just too pissed off. Her and another chronic talker were up and about talking to another girl while everyone else was finishing their tests, I firmly requested they return to their seats and remain quiet out of respect for the others. I repeated myself THREE friggen times. I hate repeating myself. So instead of saying it for a 4th time, I took my big, heavy, teacher's edition textbook and slammed it on the floor. That got their attention. heh. And she claims she never even heard me. Well I wonder why!

Now I find out she's on the soccer team and on probation because of another class. I so wish I could ask her coach to show her no mercy and whip her into obedient shape. Too bad this isn't boot camp. you don't know how much I wish...

Why is it that I can never get anything done...especially on these goshdarned 4-day weekends? argh!

And to think, I thought my procrastination was bad when I was a student!...

This sucks. Grant and I hung out all day at his house just chillin and we were supposed to have dinner there too. I guess his grandparents were coming over too. I wasn't too thrilled about it, seeing as how the sister doesn't really like me and all, but I figured I'd stick it out. How bad could it be right?

So the mom comes home with sis and grandparents in tow. At the time i was on their computer trying to install/fix something. First thing the sis says to me: "Get off the computer. My grandma wants to use the phone." I'm just like..sure, ok, no prob. Everyone else, however took it as a great offense. I really didn't care. Maybe because I'm used to hearing those kinds of things from my own sister, or maybe because I don't expect more from her. In any case, Grant got super pissed and decided we should leave. *sigh* So here I am waiting at my house for him to drop by. woopdeedoo. But at least his parents were really nice about it and apologized, saying I'm welcome there any time. That's always reassuring. now if only his sister wasn't such a....>.<

Oh yeah, and last night Grant and I went to see a play at LCC: "The 3 Musketeers." I figured we should do something different and this one seemed a bit interesting...it had an "anime flair" to it. Besides, I liked the movie. Bad mistake. Aside from a couple of the actors and a few moments (very few and far between) it pretty much sucked. Not that they didn't try (and boy did some try overly so!), but I doubt I'll ever go see another production put on by people at LCC. It just dragged on way too long and ended without much of a climax. Poor grant, if only I'd known. Hopefully he won't hold this one against me when I want to go see other productions. >.<

How sad. My algae eater just died is on the brink of death. Not that I particularly liked it though. Compared to my puffers it was really big and out of place (kinda ugly too). It's at least twice their size and seemed to work way too hard for a small tank like mine. *shrug* I guess I'll just have to find another way to control the algae considering that was supposedly the pet store's "smallest" algae eater.

In other, more personal news, PMS is rearing its ugly head for the first time in ages. My breasts are too tender to bear and I got super irritable and pissy earlier today. First it was my mom, then it was my fishtank. And I took it all out on Grant, the poor guy. He even bought me lunch today...sushi @ Genki (we never eat there for lunch, and we just ate there Saturday night!) Damn cravings. I'm a bad person. Sometimes I wonder why he still loves me. I think I'm too selfish, even if he says I'm not. =/

I finally got off my lazy ass and recharged the digicam battery. Hence the lack of any real pictures lately.

But no more! I've finally got some pictures of my little puffers. They really are starting to let their little personalities show. Plus I think I have 3 males and one female (the one that died was a female too). I wonder if she's happy about it or not. ;P Enjoy! (ps. sorry about any long load time. mianhae!)


He's trying to hide. They were very camera shy!

Just chillin.



As you can see they are a yellowish color. The males seem moreso.

This is the lonely gal. (I think. I could have it totally reversed for all i know! lol)

This picture is big because I wanted to show the size of these things. That's the tip of a chopstick. (That's how I feed them...I have them trained already!)



Where's the puff? Can you find it? I swear half the time I can't.

The puffers are finally happy. I bought live brine and the suckers eat it like nothing. You should see their little bellys right after they've eaten. Its hilarious. Even the one that always stays at the bottom and never eats is happy. yay!