One of the worst things you can tell me is that you're disappointed because of something I've done. I am always trying to live my life to make other people happy, to appease them and gain their favorable opinions. I know that it shouldn't be this way, but that's how it is. And so I continue to live my life this way and I continue to get hurt. Don't be surprised if I cry because of you.

Ok...dammit...new url

http://www.digitalrice.com/members/bhurdie
this will be it until they get enough donations to give us back subdomains. grrrrr. i'm irked now. >.<

I think I'm getting a little too needy for my own good. I have this innate desire to just latch on and not let go, but I know I must force myself not to. I think I will have to take a small step backward, if only for my own sanity. =/

How shitty. So far I've been admitted as a NONresident for summer session. It doesn't matter much though since the difference is like 20 bucks. What sucks is that if I can't get my status changed for fall, I'll be paying 4-5K for one fucking semester! for UH? I dun think so buddy. How very shitty indeed. >.<

My appa is so cute. Today I got an email from him [via my mom] and here's what it said:

Please forward this to Maria as I do not have her Email address.

Maria, thank you very much for the $. It will help pay some bills.

I look forward to your return next month and our family will be reunited again.

Love,
Dad

isn't he cute?! =D

You know, Bush really is an idiot. I swear. He's only been in office about 100 days and ever since he started foreign relations have just gone to shit. He keeps pissing off all the communist countries [ie. North Korea & China] with his stupid and insensitive comments and I swear he's going to get us started in WW3.

I don't know if our country will be able to hold up much stability in the world if we have to go through this for the next 3.5 years. God help us all.

Japanese Engrish. Gotta love those Japanese and their sayings. heehee

Its kinda weird to be here while they're interviewing people for my job. eesh. Its as if they're moving on before the body is even dead...or cold! Err....something like that. I so bad with analogies. ;P

Thank God its over.

Erg. In a few days my regular site address will be http://members.digitalrice.com/bhurdie. All this constant changing is really starting to piss me off. I'm going to have to change ALL my links goddammitalltohell. If anyone knows of any good web hosting, free or relatively cheap, please let me know. I might as well pay for it now while I still have a little bit of money left. erk. f-ing digitalrice.

These days I'm tempted to rid myself of the blog, only because I've gotten lazy with my regular journal as a result of it. Sure its nice to be able to write a thought at a moment's notice, but it just doesn't leave anything in my head long enough to linger and form something cohesive. ya know? *pondering* Well, we'll have to at least wait till digi-rice gets its act together. eesh

fucking digitalrice. I so want to move again but I've moved around too much in the last 4 months. Boohar. I'm hoping I'll be rewarded if I just wait it out. *twiddling thumbs*

Finally! After two fuck ups in a 15 minute span, I finally burned a cd correctly. You'd think that it'd be just like riding a bike or some shit like that. heh. I guess this means I'll probably get hit by 2 cars before I ever ride a bike correctly again. ;P

I got accepted into UH! Woopie!! Now under most circumstances this wouldn't necessarily be cause for joy and jubilation, but for me...right now...in this moment of time...I'm VERY happy! YAY!! Ask me 5 months from now on the other hand...hee hee. jk. yay!

They really better settle the strike today...or else. That really would be a shame. =(

Cute BART Guy #1 was looking especially foine today. hehe. Sometimes I wonder what kind of work he does. I keep thinking tech but who knows. Then I keep wanting to know his name but there is no way in hell I'll be talking to him in the next lifetime. lol. Oh well, best to keep it a *mystery* because I mean what if it turns out his name is Mortimer or something? That would just kill it for me right there. haha. Chances of it actually being that though are about a gazillion to one.

Hmm...what are the most popular american names asian parents name their kids?

Didn't go last night. Was gonna go clubbing with Rose tonight instead. But now I'm going to Santa Cruz. heehee. I'm such a bum

Hey cool. The girl with the hecka long middle name, Natasha Oda, won the Miss Aloha Hula competition last night. I really wish I stayed up to watch the auana [modern hula] part but I had a phone call and then I had to sleep. Damn time difference.

Oooh! I just found out that they have it here. cool beans =)

I don't konw if I want to go out with rose tonight anymore. grrr. Being anti-social and lazy are such bad habits to possess. Since its raining, traffic is super shitty so it took her over an hour to not even reach the bridge. She turned back home and told me to BART it. That would require me to walk 15 minutes to the bart station [in the freezing rain!] then spend about an hour getting to colma [*shudder*]. She keeps implying that the times i tell her I'll leave are way too early since they're not going out until 10 so "what did you want to do before then?" *sigh* So now i'm pondering the latest time I could possibly leave without roaming around in the dark. Grrr...it all seems like more work than its worth. Should I go?

Damn.

Cal just called. I had written them a kind of upset email asking why I still haven't heard from them yet about my admission status when they clearly posted a date of April 1. So they told me that they wanted to retain 25 for their program and they've sent out 33 letters but there's bound to be people that decline and go some place else. So they've put my file on hold and will offer me a spot if they drop below 25. They could've told me that much. *sigh*

So what do I do? I tell them thank you for informing me but that I'm moving back home. Why the hell did I tell them that? It would've been nice to maybe get an acceptance letter only to decline. hah! But then now I'm worried. There's a SLIGHT chance that I may not get into UH. [very slight since I haven't exactly been accepted yet] Then where would I be? Sure it would be shitty to move home only to find out I don't get into UH but I get into Cal. How would that be for irony? *sigh* *crossing fingers* Lets just hope it all turns out alright. I hope I hope.

Yes, I am definitely a retard. Me and my big mouth. =X

Going to some bar with Rose and her roomies tonight in Palo Alto. Because of this, Grant and I had another "talk" last night. I ended up not sleeping till 1:30. Woke up at 6. Showered. Fell asleep. 7:30: Couldn't get out of bed as I was way too tired to be productive. So I called in sick today. Hey, I have to use up all my sick days anyway. heh.

I got an additional 5 hours of sleep this morning. ahhh. Now I just have to pack my bag for Rose's and get ready to go. I got a cute little call this morning from Grant too. He's so cute when he just wakes up. =) Now lets just hope my anti-social tendencies don't take over again tonight. *Sigh* I really don't want to go anymore. =/

Woah...

How'd you like to have this middle name: Kamalamalamaokalailokokapu`uwaimehanaokekeikipunahele

How'd you like to be the commentator that has to pronounce it *correctly*

haha only in Hawaii. ;P

Dammit. 32 days and I'm getting so taunted by these people with escapades in paradise. eesh.

And it doesn't help that I'm watching this dang hula competition while reading their entries. Okay, I think I'm officially home sick. thanks.

hehe ;P

Ok, so the big Samoan guy who my mom hires to paint and do stuff to the house every now and then broke my slippers. I had left them at home since i wouldn't really need them here anymore. Less to ship back in the end, ya know? But wtf?! why the hell was he wearing my - very girly - slippers? They're the kind with the flower on them. eesh. Bastid. HE BROKE MY SLIPPERS! grrrr >.<

So I'm watching the Merrie Monarch Festival right now. They just started the Miss Aloha Hula competition. I have all these memories from last year now. My hula teacher is a judge yet again this year. I really liked her style of teaching. I miss hula too. It was hard work but it was really rewarding performing it for people to enjoy. [the stage fright is a bit nerve wracking though]. I wonder if I should try to take it again when I go back to school. *ponder*

The Merrie Monarch Hula Fesival begins tonight! =)

Thank goodness for streaming video.

I don't know if I can deal with this stress and pressure! I have 33 days left now. That's 4 weekends! And I haven't got the slightest clue as to what I want to do! Either there's too much to do, or I just don't want to do anything. I can't tell just yet. All I know is that I want to meet up with friends that I know I won't see for a looooong time. boohar.

Funny, last night I actually started planning when my next visit to SF would be...and I haven't even left yet! Something is seriously wrong with me.

...You didn't have to agree with me on that last point. ^_~

One thing I absolutely HATE [yes, i know its a strong word] and destest about my mom is the way she fights back with guilt trips when i was originally only trying to calmly and rationally make a point.

I can see her and my sister being the one reason I will fall back into depression once I'm back home.

>.<

Yay! The UH strike is now over. thank goodness. Now if only the publc school teachers could get what they want. *sigh*

damn. its not even 3 yet and the day has been going by sooooooooooo slow. erg.

i want to go home. boohar

Free Ben & Jerry's Cone Day: Wednesday, May 2, 2001!!!

Okay. 34 (Thirty-Four) days until I move back home.

That's 34 (thirty-four) days to fit in every last bit of SF that I can.

That means I have 34 (thirty-four) days left for last chance meetings with online SF peeps. Who knows if I'll ever be in the neighborhood again. *sniff*sniff* so sad! WAH!

No Cheesecake Factory in Hawaii! Argh! What am I going to do when I move?

No Bath & Body Works!
No Krispy Kreme!
No In-n-Out!
No Macy's!
No Target!
No Ben & Jerry's!
No Victoria Secret!

Kill me now!!

ACK! The evil roommate broke the shower. We couldn't turn off the hot water and it was just gushing. We called Jim, the maintenance guy, and he told us how to turn it off. heh. Now we have no hot water. He better come soon.

I wonder if he'll know who I am. With our landlord and Jim, they only respond to the good roomie. I think the evil roomie turned off the landlord with her constant barrage of requests to fix things before moving in. Me? I'm the invisible roommate. I don't exsist. Example #1: When requesting something in the form of a letter enclosed with our rent we've put it under evil's name or my name and the next day we get a message on the machine addressed to the good one. Example #2: The evil one left countless messages on Jim's machine requesting repair of other shit. A few days later on our machine: "Hi [good roomie] this is Jim.....]. So yes, I really wonder if he'll know who I am.

"Hi! I'm the invisible roommate. I don't exsist so don't mind me."

Today I officially announced my upcoming resignation. Yep, a full month's warning. In this company, a month is probably the safest bet because God only knows how often the HR dept in DC fucks up. So with a month's notice, I'll get everything over & done with by the time I leave. Yup yup. Besides, I know I'm *so* vital to the everyday happenings here that they'll need that time to figure out how they'll ever live without me. heehee.

Want Kpop? Gotta be able to at least read Hangul. heh

I finally got to see HOT's Outside Castle video! Damn Woohyuk is foine and is a bad ass dancer too. Tony...he's hecka cute. heehee *drool*

GAH!!!

The good roomie is turning into the bitch from hell!!!!!

>.<

Fucking PMS

Yes, I'm obviously very bored. Gosh, look at all those links. But its not like I haven't been doing work. Dang, they actually expect me to do stuff around here! *sigh* I hate mondays.

Here's a suggestion for any of you unemployed dot-commers:

Know how to speak Arabic? Korean? Chinese? Kazakh? Why not work for the government, in the FBI! They seem to be in dire need of translators. Who knows, you could be the one to prevent a foreign bombing of...oh say...the White House [maybe even with Bush inside]. Then again, why would anyone want to prevent that?

heheheh

28-Inch Woman Finishes Marathon

I was gonna crack a joke. Then I started feeling all inspired. So instead, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut on this one.

Leave it to the South Koreans to snap a 10 year Kenyan winning streak in the Boston Marathon. heehee =) How's that for KP? lol

woohoo! My legs and abs hurt! They rarely ever hurt after I work out these days. YAY! Maybe I'm finally doing something right.

Too bad I had to put up with my good roomie's bitchy attitude yesterday though. Right when I came home from church she was about to go to the gym and so I wanted to go too. Her response: "You have 5 minutes." wtf? So I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, changed, tried to take off my jewelry, grabbed my cd player wallet & water bottle, and ran out to the car with my shoe laces untied. Then 2 blocks down the street I realized I had forgotten my towel. Yep, I think I pissed her off even more. heh. Dammit. I hate when she's in her bitchy mood. >.<

You know...The Sims is a REALLY addicting game. I finally found my serial number today. I can see what I'll be doing the rest of the weekend. lol

Amazing! In a freak act of nature, the evil roomie seems to have taken it upon herself to clean the bathroom. [its been her turn for at least a month!] I now find myself staring blankly at a clean sink counter top and a clean toilet. She even scrubbed the pink [yes, very very bad] mold off the tub.

But here's what I don't understand: Why would the evil roomie clean off the mold when the nasty brown film from her shower(s) still remains at the other end of the tub. *shudder*

What a half assed job from an evil evil person. >.<

Have just finished reading Bridget Jones's Diary. V. good. Cannot wait to see the movie! =)

Trippy. I just heard that Montana from the Real World - Boston works somewhere in my building.

Weirrrd

Okay-dokay....i've just dled yahoo messenger. sn: marbhurd. talk to me. please? [v. bored]

You know what? I have no idea WHY someone HAS to talk SO LOUD while on the phone. Eesh. Last night I was trying to enjoy my Law & Order after dinner and the evil roomie was talking to her mom in the living room. She basically was arguing with her. Now I don't know about you, but if I'm going to argue with a person on the phone and I'm going to be loud about it I'm going to be courteous to whoever is in the room. I don't want them listening in on my shit anyway. But does she go to her room? Of course not! She sits in the middle of the friggen living room and argues away with me sitting there not able to hear a single word from the tv. grrrr.

And now? Now she's talking "regularly" on the phone in her room and I can STILL hear her babbling away like the annoying roommate from hell that she is. SHE TALKS SO FUCKING LOUD!!!!

I had jury duty today. Er..well, I was supposed to. I called and they said I wasn't needed for the MORNING but that I was to call back at 11am to find out if I was needed in the afternoon. What kind of jacked up shit is that? You either need me or you don't. None of this "we don't know if we need you yet so call back tomorrow." WTF? See, at least in Hawaii they let you know the day before if they need you at all.. [of course you knew i had to relate it back to home. heh]

So basically I wasted my whole day. I probably could've gone in to work...but why? Why do that when I can wake up late and then have lunch with my good ol pal Lester? It was a nice and relaxing day. =)

I have this urge to redesign now. argh! why me?

Davee: it was drawn by George Bush Jr
marbhurd: yeah right
Davee: hee hee
Davee: but i wouldn't be surprised if george bush jr did draw it if he did
Davee: he doesn't know the capital of Canada

I really like having all this bright sunlight in my room. That's probably the ONLY thing I like about daylight savings. heh

Anyway, I am facing a dilemma and want to know your opinion...

Do I leave on May 22/23 since payday is the 18th and the roomies are leaving that weekend, or do I leave a week later, after Memorial Day, so I can work one extra week and make about $400 or so?

The thing is, with the roomies gone, it basically leaves me nothing to live a "normal" life [imagine washing one dish, fork, knife, & cup over and over to use for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack and not being able to microwave and then chill in front of the telly. Oh the horrors! lol] Plus its being away from Grant all that more longer! Then again..I'd probably need the money.

What to doing?

Argh. Today has been such a boring and lazy day. I don't want to do anything. I want to go home. I keep checking my inbox every 10 minutes or so and still nothing. blah. I think I'll leave a bit early. I'll just say "I have to prepare myself for jury duty tomorrow." GAH! I hate fulfilling my civic duties. >.<

Lately I've had this extreme sense of urgency with regards to starting my retirement savings. I've heard all too well what will happen if I don't start soon enough. Yet, here I am still trying to finish school, with absolutely nothing saved, and I know it won't be another year or two [at least!] until I can actually start. But reading this article makes me feel like I'm already so far behind. *sigh* I don't want to be like my parents and a majority of the Baby Boomers out there! eek!

And another question: Do I classify as a GenXer?

Yeah, I guess it ISN'T very important to Cayetano. Worry about depriving 200,000+ students the education they rightfully deserve? Never! Why hurry to the bargaining table when he can go to a car show?

Damn. This is mildly depressing. Not that I'm in it for the money, but gosh it would be nice. I mean, I'm only going to be teaching your children and our country's future. Obviously its not THAT important to merit higher pay, right?

What irks is when the evil roomie goes into the bathroom to take her 30 MINUTE shower and doesn't ask if I need it. [sucks to only have 1 bathroom] This is especially pissing me off because it is now 12:40 am and I want to sleep now because I will be getting up in about 5 hours but I can't because I need to brush my teeth and wash my face. Grrr. Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't put nair in her shampoo. *evil laugh*

Am I the only one that doesn't like the Britney Spears commercial for pepsi? I detest what she's wearing through most of it [except at the end..that part is a bit cute]. It just makes her look...i dunno. It sorta reminds me of Chyna's body. *shudder* Not a good thing. Her singing isn't all the great either. The only part I remotely like? The end with Bob Dole. That guy cracks me up for some reason. haha. But I still wouldn't vote for him.

On second thought...if he were against Bush then no doubt i would! =P

And if not caring whether public school teachers can make ends meat wasn't enough, Cayetano probably won't give a shit that he's putting the already declining university in danger of losing millions of dollars in federal grants that the school needs to remain even slightly credible.

Sometimes I think I'm just a bit biased against the governor, and then I snap out of it and realize he really is an idiot politician. [although a bit smarter than Bush, if that's saying much at all]

Today was Palm Sunday.

I went to church today for the first time in about 5 months. Being back, listening to the scriptures, hearing and singing familiar songs felt so refreshing. It was almost like going home. At one point I almost started crying because it was all so much to take in. [thank goodness i didn't tho. heh]

It was a bit hard to go though. With the whole religion issue between Grant and I, I don't know what to do. Granted, its not a pressing issue since its not like we're getting married or anything, but its still lingering around us. Ya know? Lately, especially since its the Lenten season, I've felt more compelled to learn more about my religion and become a more devout Catholic. But by doing this I feel like I'm not giving Grant's religion a chance. Like I'm trying to strengthen my own beliefs just so I can stand up against his.

Does this make any sense? Its a bit overwhelming to think about it all. So today I asked for God's guidance. I hope I will be able to sort through all of this one day. I mean, aren't we all worshiping one god anyway?

Oh joy! I finally made it onto one of those must-hate-crap-blog lists! *jumping for joy*

Funny, all this time I was afraid of getting old when all i have to do is keep bitching and moaning about my life and then I'll be mistaken for an ignorant teen. woopie! The secret to eternal youth. lol

Eh whatever. I don't really care. I just think its funny that it seems as if my blog has been solely judged on a week that was particularly bad for me. sheesh. But that's what this blog is..a place for me to bitch.

Hmm..want better content? I always have my journal. Then again...just go away. =)

Oooh...I like the last line of my horoscope for the weekend:

Solitary thought heightens confidence regarding a planned detachment.

Yep...I'll definitely be thinking this out all day tomorrow. *plan*

Okay, i'm kinda starting to spaz now. I don't know why I didn't think about these things beforehand.

the good roomie leaves on the 17th. Practically ALL the kitchen shit is hers. So when she leaves, she takes the microwave, the toaster, the pots, pans, dishes, utensils, cups. Even the tupperware and wok! gah! What the heck am I going to eat with?! Actually, what can I even eat? I can't cook without pots/pans. I can't microwave frozen tv dinners. All I'll have are my chopsticks and soup spoons! oh, and some of my little tupperware. haha

Then there's the whole "where am i going to sleep my last night(s) if I sell my bed?" and what about what to do with the keys? I'll no doubt have to stay over at someone's place. who? *mildly panicing*

I'm not going to even get into the logistics of all the utilities and shit that have to be turned off. when?

Take into account that while they're leaving around the 18th, I was planning on leaving somewhere around the 30th. I guess that'll have to change now. *sigh*

Okay...so I made another calendar. You know how I had that one last year where I counted down the last 9 weeks or so in HI? Well, same deal here except I'm not quite sure when I'm leaving. Probably the last week in May.

Now look, my calendar is W-I-D-E O-P-E-N! [*not-so-subtle-hinting*] Puhlease be nice to me. Pretty please? ^__^

*sigh*

I'm worried for the teachers and the financial hardship a strike induces.

I'm thankful for the senators who seem to be at least a bit more concerned than the governor.

I'm PISSED OFF at the governor for basically being the bastard he is.

Today has been a naaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiice day. Well, aside from the shitty work and jet lag and all it was pretty DOP.

I got my profit sharing today. wooo. Funny how in one day I suddenly gained most of what I need for tuition next year. hehe.

Damn...maybe I'm going into the wrong profession. lol

And then I got my final tax refund today. Not much, but still. =)

Friday is payday. I think I'm finally happy. ;P

Okay..this whole still-light-in-the-sky-even-though-its-already-8PM thing is kinda tripping me out.

weeeeiiirrrd

I'm back.

much boohar.

I'm back. =(