...and then when i finally get their attention I act like a bitch and push them away.

boy am i smart or what?

I hate it when the people i need most aren't there when i need them.
Then again, i never let them know that i need them so i guess that's what my problem is.

People need to learn how to read my mind.

sucks sucks sucks sucks this week really SUCKS!

Dang. Good thing I kept that stupid telemarketer in the back of my mind. I was supposed to get shit from them 7-10 days after but I got nothing and I just wanted to get it to cancel anyway. So I finally call today and they had my phone number wrong, those bastids. I was signed up but the authorization wasn't right so that's why I didn't get anything. Grrr. I hate when shit like that happens to me.

Moral of the story: Don't give in to telemarketers just to shut them up because you may forget to cancel later.
Dangit.

My parents' present for my bday: A $50 discount on my rent.

whee. Shows the how much sentiment the put into it, no?
Not that I'm complaining about $50 of course.

dang...i'm rereading my blog from this year so far and i had forgotten how much i used to write here when i was in cali. All because of the boredom at work. haha. i don't have much to rant about these days so i guess that's a good thing right? but its so funny to remember all the things i despised so much.

Oh yeah, anyone have any ideas for what to get Grant on our anniv? I'm stressin here, and he keeps laughing at my attempts to "casually" ask questions. grrr. ;P

I DON'T WANT TO DO MY HOMEWORK GOSH DANGIT!!!!

frustration at its worst. bleh

This is just wrong.

To put a child through a torturous thing like name riddicule on purpose is just cruel and unusual. Its hard enough to get by with regular names!

Tonight is a night for mild celebration.

The prof cut our journal assignment in HALF and made other assignments extra credit. She also cut our class time down by one day. Yay for Ed Psych and creating "inviting" environments. ;P

I now have a teeny bit more time to study math! [woopie]

Now I'm off to eat sushi in celebration. YUMMY!!!

I don't like Kim Hyun Jung's new album.

I don't "get" Cleo's new video.

and

I think Hong Kyung Min is a cutie.

Gosh I miss kpop in Korea.

Kpop Pride!
hahaha

i give up already.

i'm going to shut up until i feel i can safely say something without that nagging feeling.

even my aim chats aren't feeling right anymore.
i think its time to sleep.
nite

On a related note...

i am probably very guilty of spending way too much time on certain sites. i'll check at different times of the day for an update just because i have no life and i honestly have nothing else better to do but point and click. pretty sad huh? I probably should be studying instead, but do you really think that'll happen? So let me lead my sorry existence for the next few weeks at least, please? I am forseeing employment in the next month. there goes my boring vacation. =/

oh yes, my point? sorry for racking up hits and inflating those site stats. heehee. *innocent look*

update: i am in no way implying that others who rack up stats have no life. i am just speaking for ME. that is what this journal is supposed to be right? I think i'm going to have to stop talking soon. since when did i have to start worrying about what people think? man i'm weak.

I swear I'm making an ass out of myself almost everyday now.

First Joe, and now Grace. Let's see..."Not everyone who uses anonymizer peruses my site from hawaii is evil..." wait, no, can't use that line again. Its not that i have anything against you or anyone else from hawaii, i'm flattered actually, but i just wanted to say that sometimes the stats makes me wonder [i wish i had name tags for IPs ;P] because hawaii is literally this small. But it shouldn't matter, right? Because I don't have any more enemies that actually live here, right? [As far as i know anyway.] And I apologize for yet again letting my mouth make me seem like such an idiot. You'd think I'd have learned to stick my foot in my mouth at the right times by now.

*kicking own ass*

You know, its more that a little disconcerting when i see someone from hawaii perusing my site for a lengthy period of time. This island is so small, who knows who it might be!

And yes, i check my stats if only because i'm bored out of my mind [ie, i don't want to do my freakin homework, okay?] and i have nothing else better to do.

Downloaded the new Nsync album yesterday. I'm not liking it as much as the other ones [yet] but I'm digging a few songs like track 5 "The Two of Us" and track 13 "That Girl (Will Never be Mine)".

Yes, I'm an boyband lover. So shoot me. It's not like I'm in love with Justin Timberlake. sheesh. Its all about JC anyway. ;P

Oops...my bad. Not everyone who uses anonymizer is evil. Its just that I got some really mean and evil emails last year from someone using the service so I'm sort of biased against it. I didn't intend to insult any innocent parties. So sorry. You can bash me now Joe...thanks for siging the gbook though. =)

Boy do I feel like the babo now.O.o

Okay, I don't get why someone would want to view my site through anonymizer.com but if that's you, you're just dumb. DUMB..you know...BAKA?

heh. Its just stupid.
Plus I have this thing against that service. Its pure evil.

Windtalkers, the John Woo WWII film due out in Nov, looks pretty interesting.

And it was filmed partly in Hawaii to boot. =P

Personality Disorder Test

I scored a VERY HIGH for Avoidant personality disorder, and a HIGH for dependent personality disorder. ACK!

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

LIHINGMARS.COM!!!

About freakin time!

WOOHOO!!!
Be ready for a change!!

*thanks phil!

I'm super hungry right now but I refuse to eat since all we have is left over pizza and it is almost midnight. I need to lose weight! but oh the tummy hurts. *sniff*

I really hate it when IM chats go awry and I end up crying. I bet the other person doesn't even realize it. It doesn't help that I listen to ballads on repeat the whole time. And I can't even blame this on pms either. shit.

my goal is to not become a super-dependant gf, but yet, some things just make it feel inevitable. grrrr i DO have a life of my own. at least i used to once upon a time.
=/

frick! blogger just ate my post. frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruck! dammit

anyway, i had ranted about ants infesting my white/purple orchid plant..and its only the 2nd day! dammitalltohell. now the plant is indoors surrounded by a moat. lol. that better keep those suckers out for good dammit.

i also mentioned grant recieved a pell grant on top of his tuition waiver and how i'm sorta jealous seeing as how i'm still classified as a 10K paying non-resident. dammit. but grant really deserves it. i just have to laugh at the thought that maybe some of his excess funds will go to his car now. haha jk.

damn i hate repeating myself. it sounds like shit now.

Okay blogger is just dumb. DUMB I TELL YOU!!!

I found my white/purple orchid plant infested with ants today. goshdammitfreakingshiznit! It only took those suckers 2 days to move in. sheesh! At least they hadn't nested as of yet. I shudder to think what that would've been like. So now my plant is indoors and tilting since I had to pull it out of the container to clear it out and then try to put it back in somwhat back to normal. Poor plant. Hopefully the moat I created in the outside container will keep me from further gross outs. Ants really are the worst bugs. blech!

In other news...hmm, there really is no other news other than the fact that grant received a pell grant for school [this is on top of the tuition waiver he already got a few weeks ago] lucky bastid. I'm all jealous seeing as how I'm still classified as a 10K paying non-resident. Oh well, he definitely deserves it and I'm happy for him. I'm wondering if his excess funds will go to his car. hahah jk

I have 2 urges right now as I am procrastinating in my reading yet again:
1. the urge to eat and snack
2. the urge to do something tricky and evil. hehe >=P

Argh! I've been trying to find this stupid mp3 for the last 1.5 hours with no luck. Anyone have it? Its I Cry by Yuri Chika. The bf even called from work asking if I could find it! Some people are just too obsessed with mp3s these days. lol

procrastinating at its best worst...

okay, nevermind. all the shit i want is sold out in my size. i was THIS close to actually spending more money. i really must have a guardian angel...and it most def isn't grant because he couldn't even do a simple thing like prevent me from buying underwear today! sometimes i wonder why i still keep him around..but then i remember that i love him so much. haha dang it. ;P

oh gosh dammit. there's so much on sale at gap.com that i'm sooper tempted. forget the fact that I just spent some bucks on more underwear from gap today. good thing I didn't go up to the women's floor and get even more tempted! but wah! so sad now. such good deals!

I also bought 3 plants today at the Lyon Arboretum Plant Sale at the Blaisdell. I got this cute mini anthurium which is growing on this rock. kinda bonsai-ish feel to it, if ya know what i mean. Then I got 2 orchid plants...a hanging purple one and a small potted white/purple one. I love orchids. They are my favoritest flower..especially the really exotic, strange, and huge ones. Those are cool and I was so tempted to get more!

Dang it! i need a job like pronto!

his car is schizo. his dad came to pick it up and it just started up. lol. crazy.

My poor baby.
First his springs still haven't arrived a month after ordering them.
Then he finds a dent in his car.
Then he finds his radiator fluid leaking from somewhere and has to get that fixed.
Then he misses out on seeing his best friend on her new baby in the hospital.
And now his car won't start.

When it rains it pours.
boohar

I finally found out that Backstreet boys sings one of the songs I've been wondering about for the last week: Endlessly. That other one I asked about earlier is still eluding me though. dammit! i hate that.

so yeah, backstreet boys on repeat. wheee. i love playing out songs way too quickly, don't you?

I swear. Everytime I'm in this computer lab I always have to use the bathroom really badly. What is it about extremely cold ac that induces this? dammit.

Going to see Kiss of the Dragon in a little more than an hour. YAY!

But furst [damn, i can't believe I just spelled it like that...and I want to be a teacher?] I have to finish this stupid paper on my Bon odori experience. How many different ways can a person say "it was an interesting experience?"

Why do mainlanders always have to always have it their way? When they come here they expect everything to be fair? Shit, who cares about a measly 3 bucks? You already spent at least a grand on your trip alone. You're not kama'aina so don't expect to be treated like one. Your people already stole the land from the natives, why you gotta front like you're owed the whole damn world? Damn lawsuits these days.

I am now $105 poorer and I am bound to take a graphing calculator required math test on the 4th. wheeeeee

In other news, I still really want to buy a rice cooker, which will also cost some bucks.
Then the domain name [and hosting! yay!], which I am still fretting over [bhurdie.com/.net, marbhurd.com, marsbars.net, lihingmars.com, or almondeyes.net? (by the last one I was really stretching)], will cost me too.

You would think that as a person who is a starving [literally, my 'rents have no good food in the fridge], college student without a job and living at home would know how to conserve her money, but no. It just slips through my hands. whee! And rent is due at the end of the month. dammit.

There's this song that I've liked ever since I came back home in April. Its hella played out here now but I still don't know what its called and its driving me nuts. I doubt any mainland peeps would know it since its like a hawaiian-ish song...but here's how it starts:

Send me the pillow that you dream on...so that I can dream on it too...

Anyone know it?

I got my boba craving out of the way yesterday with a honeydew smoothie w/black pearls plus some of grant's taro boba with crystal pearls. mine tasted better. heh.

Now I'm craving krispy kreme donuts. Dammit! There's no way I can satiate this one. *sniff* this sux

Actually..now that I think about it...even though I'm bigger than what i used to be, there isn't really much to sag. haha I guess I'll have to wait and see what motherhood does to me sometime in the not so near future. Heaven help me.

I've always had a fear of sagging breasts. Not sagging breasts on other people mind you, but on me in particular. Now most of my life my chest has pretty much been as flat as they come, but in recent months, thanks to the wonders of birthcontrol pills and estrogen, I've plumped up nicely [must be all that ice cream too]. The threat of sagging breasts is now a reality for me. Well, okay, maybe not in the immediate future, but I just think back to my childhood and seeing my grandmother's chest. It's not a pretty sight. Of course, she did have 6 children to breastfeed so perhaps I need not worry so much. But yes, I fear sagging breasts. And now you know.

I was THIS close to going out to a movie tonight. But then the sisters found they were to have ice cream with their family instead. *sigh* oh wells. I better be doing my homework anyway.

yay for having only 1 more week of this class. [but boo for the 2nd class starting monday,]

My digirice site won't be back until the 20th when they "re-launch" with all new features and shit. wtf. i don't want to wait so my impatient ass is so wanting to blow my very limited savings on my own domain. what do you think? I don't even know how much i'll update in the future. what if i get too busy and what not? *sigh* money is a precious commodity these days, but when i'm bored shitless, all i want to do is update. any ideas?

Today I realized I'm starting to have really bad road rage. But it honestly can't be just my fault. People need to start driving appropriately, meaning they use their blinkers at least a few seconds before trying to cut in front of me. And honestly, do people think that the space they moved into magically appeared? I would like some form of thanks like a wave or a shaka. sheesh. Some people are so inconsiderate.

On the way home I was noticing this, but its not entirely my fault. I saw so many people just being really stupid. I mean, a solid line does mean you can't cross it right? Its a shame how many stupid people there are in this country. tsk tsk

I don't know why, but I keep saying that I'm 23 even though I'm still 22.

I was talking to Grant last night about something and I said "I'm 23 and you're 25..."
He's just like "Wait, you're not 23." And even though I'm ALMOST 23, he wouldn't let me just round. "You're 22 years 11 months and 4 days old. If you want to round, you'll be 22 years and 11 months."
"So what you're trying to say is that I'm not quite young, but I'm also not quite old."
"Yeah"
"So what does that say about you?"
hehehe..i'm evil.

I'm hella craving some boba right now. Too bad its about an hour too late. The closest shop is closed now. Oh damn these stupid cravings!

Hmmm...guys get cravings too right? For some reason I'm thinking that it mostly happens to girls, but maybe I'm just thinking about pregnant ones. lol

[Yeah, blame it on the lack of boba kay?]

Fucken telemarketers. Today I got a call to sign up for some credit protect membership. I swear I'm such a weak mugg when it comes to shit like this. I tried so very hard to tell him I didn't want it too but I finally gave in because he assured me I could cancel as soon as I get my membership info. Anything to shut him up, I thought. Just watch me get fucked over a month from now when I get charged 80 bucks for something I never wanted in the first place.

GAH!!! Why couldn't I just say NO and slam the phone down? I swear I'm an idiot sometimes.

I had forgotten that Grant and I walked through Waikiki on Saturday evening. This was after attending a bon dance of course. All of which I wish I could share pics with you.

Anyhow, it had been so long since I last walked through Waikiki down Kalakaua Ave. It's nice just absorbing it all and almost getting the touristy feel in you. Walking through the International Marketplace was fun, even though every vendor sells the same things for the same prices. Its also fun to watch those artists draw the letters in people's names in such coloful strokes. Its amazing to see how one brush can be used to apply five different colors to form a dolphin or some island icon. And lets not forget the new DFS Galleria - quite an interesting site.

But I guess the part I enjoyed most was just the company. No matter where I am, or what I'm doing, it just amazes me how much fun I have with him. It's such a happy feeling and we just keep talking on and on with no drought of topics in sight. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm in love. ^_~

Oh yeah, happy belated 4th of july.

Spent tuesday, the 11th month mark [he's such a cutie. I wonder what I will do once one year hits next month. I don't think i can keep counting the months eh?] at my cousin's eagle scout ceremony and then just chillin afterward. Very nice.

The fourth was spent shopping for fish at Tamashiro's market, doing homework, watching Saving the Last Dance, making poke ['poh-keh' for those not in the know], attending at potluck with grant's school peeps, and watching the fireworks at Kailua beach. Yes yes, very sorry there are no pics. I so need to get playing with g's camera, no? =P

Very nice indeed. Too bad I have a paper and lesson plan rough draft due tomorrow [errr, today]. My brain is just mush from exhaustion. good night.

Aww shit. I have an ant infestation in one of my power outlets.

Dammit!!

Ants are the worst insects on earth! *shudder* so gross!!!

Actually...let me change that. Its not that I'm a status quo kind of person, I'm just someone who chooses her battles. Ethnic and racial issues, yes. Gender, no. Its all about what is important to you I suppose.

Okay, I'm just procrastinating here. None of this really matters. Go on with you lives. Hopefully I'll finish this chapter before 10. *sigh*

Don't you hate it when you have a sore neck and you just wish you could take off your head? Ok, maybe not, but that's how I feel right now at least.

I so don't want to read this chapter on gender. If there is such a thing as reincarnation I most def know that I would'nt have been a proponent of the women's movement way back when. Not that I don't enjoy the freedoms we have now, but I know that deep down inside I'm just not the type to fight. I'm more of the staus quo kind of person. Sad isn't it? Do you think you would've fought for something that had never been available to you ever in history like voting and civil rights? Something to ponder about. hmmm...

I can't believe its July already.
I can't believe its July already.
I can't believe its July already.
I can't believe its July already.

Yeah, I can't believe it either.
Hopefully in 2 days I'll be loungin on the south shore with some peeps and enjoying the lights. =) *crossing fingers*

Well that just sucks. My digirice site will be down for 4 days. FOUR DAYS! boohoo for the lack of funds to move on from this.

And boohoo for the fact that I keep falling asleep while reading this chapter on race and ethnicity. You'd think I'd be captivated, but these authors REALLY over do "the minority is disadvantaged" speil to force it into your psyche that you just want to bash them. Or in my case, tune them out. heh