Cmon peeps. Where's the love? Doesn't anyone else want to hit me up with some gbook entries?

*pout*
keke

I got the evil roommate to eat spam! muahaha *evil laugh* I opened both roomie's eyes to the wonders of spam musubi. Mmmm..it was ONO! yum yum. And now I'm happy. Very

Now if only 7-11 here sold pork hash and manapua. I think then I'd be in heaven. =)

You think its a bad thing to be seen crying at work?

You think its a bad thing when you see "delivery attempted, notice left, mail can be redelivered or picked up by recipient. If left unclaimed it will be sent back to sender" when its regarding your application to school back home?

You think its a bad thing to want to fly back home on the next flight out and never return?

I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm sore from moving all this shit. And I'm experiencing financial difficulties.

Hmm...I might as well be working back at Mcds. *shudder*

Smurferific!
hehe.

Scott is so cool. =)

You know..being this moody sucks.
IT SUCKS A BIG FAT CROOKED ONE SIDEWAYS AND SWALLOWS!

But other than the incessant crying, the homesickness, the missing of the bf, and the stress caused by lack of funds, everything is just peachy.

Oh yeah, and then there's the stressful question of whether I'm a Hawaii resident or a California resident. By both state's rules, I'm neither. I feel so unwanted now. =(

Gah! There is this little kid irritating me to death on aim! grrr. The first time she kept lying to me and then she even started swearing at me! This kid was from my summer fun program this past summer and I apparently gave her my sn but I have no clue who she is. She was in one of the other groups. Go figger. And she's in THIRD grade!!! AIYAH! The little brat.

She's been apologizing every time whenever she comes on and I'm away, and finally she gets me today. I say ok to her apology and she's been lying again! It wouldn't be so bad if she were at least a good liar but ack! Help! So if she comes back and I have to regulate her butt by warning her a bunch of times, so be it. I'll be on my other sn after that. heh. You'll know it if I IM you. yep, i'm special like that. haha

but GRRRRR a THIRD GRADER!!!! >.<

boohar. Grant didn't write his daily email last night or this morning. It just had to be on the day that I so wanted and needed one. *sigh*

Ok..just gotta bitch here.

There's this chick on BART who is always putting on her makeup every fricken time I see her. This normally wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the way she does it is just annoying. The first time I saw her she just had this smug look on her face, looking into her compact as though she were the shit or something. Today, same deal. Maybe its just her cheekbones and the way she closes her mouth, but it certainly looked like a grin to me. On top of all that, she applies her powder/foundation [whatever the hell she applies with that yucky sponge] for well more than the allowable time. She was applying it for a good 5 minutes at least! I'm not even going to start on the number of strokes she used to put on her mascara.

I know its bad, but I was so wishing that a sudden jerk of the train would cause her mascara stick to suddenly jab her somewhere and cause an awful mess. heh

You know, 6 hour naps make it really hard to get back to sleep at the normal sleeping time. hehe.

Here's a questions for yall: Do you think being "Hawaiian" and being "from Hawaii" are the same thing? Just wondering what people think.

Whew. Just woke up. Wow. 5.5 hours.

This is what happens when you are too emotionally distraught for your own good. heh.
At about 3:15 my old boss/old office mgr/new "director of operations" [whatever the hell that means]..basically the chick who coordinates all the marketing shit...she comes and tells me and the receptionist that she has these letters that need to go out TODAY! They needed to be folded and stuffed into envelopes, sealed, and postaged. Oh yeah, and you gotta insert this small schedule of the 2001 season of Giants games, which you have to fold too. THREE FIFTEEN!!!!! 1.75 hours to do all that shit. She couldn't have told us, say, when the letters came from the printers at 9:30? grrrrr.

So the receptionist and I are bitching while we fold and stuff.
"Why the hell would people from Kentucky need tickets to a Giants game?"
"She always pulls this shit"
"These are going out regular mail so wtf is so urgent that it HAS to go out today? damn foos"

Then I started going off about how I just made 6 months working there last Friday. My old boss had mentioned something about a 3 month review and a possible raise after that, but that was THREE MONTHS AGO! The receptionist even makes much more than I do and I do half of her work most of the time anyway! >.< If you knew how much I made, you'd laugh and wonder how the hell I could manage..in the bay area no less. Heh. Sacrifices man. Sacrifices.

So the office mgr [the cool new one who has hawaii ties...woohoo!] come by after having sealed and stamped a whole pile of our envelopes and I ask her about a 6 month review of some sort and told her about the so called raise. *sigh* We'll see. I'm not getting any hopes up though because I know it'll probably not happen. I hear the marketing asst was promised one but was told now that she'll have to wait till like July. GAH! I'll probably be gone by then. heh.

In the end we managed to get all the shit out. We should've gone slower and just told her to suck it up and deal with it. grrr.
I do too much shit work around here for shit wages. >.<

So with the newly formed headache that induced, I treaded home. Head kept falling over on bart and the strained shoulder/back from lifting a box earlier at work [see, more shit work] didn't help either. Lugged all the way home [stopped at berkeley bowl for some light strawberry cream cheese which they didn't sell...not even non-light! boohar] and promtly fell asleep.

*sigh* Tired. I think I'll go back to sleep now. Good night

I cried and cried last night just because I missed the bf and he hadn't called me like he said he would. I didn't tell him that of course. I messaged him good night and tried to cry myself to sleep. The phone rang. I held my breath. I was happy it was him. Cried for a while longer out of sheer missing him. Two hours later I was finally semi smiling and I went to sleep, only to wake up four hours later with puffy eyes. *sigh*

Now I have this longing for Hawaii and home. I want to eat plate lunches. I want to go to the beach on weekends. I want to drive wherever I damn well please to do whatever I want. Living away is good, but not when you start feeling that the freedom is getting restricting. Much boohar. I just want my portugese sausage, eggs, & rice for breakfast with the boy.

Oooh! Oooh! I saw Cute BART Guy #1 while getting boba with the good roomie tonight. Woohoo! =)

Yeah, I'm cheesin. ^___________^

Min is a dork.

Boobiboo...my boobies hurt. haha

I wonder when the good roomie is coming back. I'm craving chinese food now. hehe

Damn that sucks. Basically all my pics are on geocities and I was going to keep it that way. But now I can't have them on anything but a geocities page. sucks. Oh well, I'm not changing any of the past entries. toobad. =/ fuck

Wow. I have only 18 emails in my inbox now. yes! That's the least amount all year! I'm finally getting around to writing people from months ago and clearing them out. haha.

and I even finished my apps and taxes and mailed them all off!

Ahh. life is good. =)

heh. I basically haven't done jack at work. shhh. I've been too panicked and stressed over this essay and app. And my taxes! ack! But now its all squared away and I just gotta mail them off. whee! Hmm..time to go home. =P

Wow, so what is this, like the most blog posts I've ever done in one day? You gotta love my persistence in my procrastination. ;P

Gah!

Fifty-seven more.
you think they'd really count?
I wouldn't put it past the fuckers. heh

Try cutting a 650 word essay down to 500. It is SUCH A BITCH!

heh.

got rid of 35 so far. whee!

Never have I been so happy yet so bitter at it being "that time of the month" right now.

Happy: Its a relief to finally get it after being like 2 weeks late. bleh. I swear "on time" means nothing to my body.

Bitter: In one month exactly Grant comes to visit. You figger it out. >.<

heh. funny how 20 minutes later people can be all cheerful and will pretend like they're your best friend.

blah

you know, it doesn't help when people make me feel like a fuck up when I'm already feeling pretty low.

fuckers.

Fuck.

So like 2 months back my boss got me started doing this task where I have to send out agreements to brokers etc etc. I never really had time to follow up with her as to what the next step was since I had so much other shit piled up on me. Well, today I had to tell her about this one broker who insists on being a pain in the ass cuz he thinks he's special and what do I get? Basically the speech of "why the fuck are you doing this when you're not supposed to? you don't know what the fuck you're doing blah blah blah blah blah." well, not so strightforward and crass, but that's sure how it felt. She acted as if she had never told me to do this shit in the first place! wtf?

errr >.<

Favorite song right now?

Inhyung. Written by Kangta [of H.O.T], sung by Lee Ji Hoon, and accompanied by Shin HyeSung [of Shinhwa].

I don't get the video, but I'm not complaining. I am loving the piano and the voice of one of my favorite ballad singers.

Learning the words for a future trip to noraebang. *sniff*sniff*tear*

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Its funny. My procrastination has a pattern. I'm so used to doing it after all these years that I just know how its going to be.

Now I'm at the point where I start panicing and doubting myself. I haven't started crying..yet. heh. Hopefully it won't get that far. I mean, its only a stupid essay. >.<

aigooooo

how does one elaborate and enhance one's work experience? lol. ick

grrr.

This whole app thing has seemingly put my entire life on hold. its horrible!
I've stopped taking care of my every day affairs. I look like crap, my room is a mess, i haven't done all the errands I've needed to. erk

But I did manage to clean the ucky bathroom 2 days ago. Yep, that's what happens when I procrastinate. I clean the nasty shit in our house [well, i HAD to considering the sludge from the evil roomie's shower made the tub all slippery. *shudder*] and I email people I haven't talked to in like 6 months. lol

Gah! This is terrible! Just terrible! I haven't procrastinated this badly since..oh..my last semester of college. haha. *hanging head in shame*

arggggggg

blogger hates me.

boohar

3 months apart and still going. *sigh* This is where it starts getting hard. boohar =(

It has been pointed out to me today that I say "bastard" too much and apparently the bf takes offense to it sometimes. I jokingly said it too him on Vday and I've even called myself one at one point. [well, I AM technically!] And so, after spending quite a time trying to convince me that I did NOT in fact ruin Vday and trying to get me to stop crying, he has gotten me to attempt to break the habit.

*sigh* it is a sad sad day indeed.
=(

Not gonna update much this weekend. =/ I *so* have to finish this stupid app and with the way I procrastinate, its going to be a painful process. =(

Lets see, I had the mocha at 2:30...

It took 1 hour for the lactose to get to me. hah. I should start keeping a record of this. lol

ew gross. I just downed my white mocha a bit fast and it almost came back up. hmm. let's see how long the whip cream takes this time. heh.

and how cool is it to be listening to Martika's "Toy Soldier" on another hawaii radio station. Talk about cool old school. lol Sorry, I've think I've lost it.

So yesterday was the evil roommate's birthday. She had a midterm and then she went out to dinner with friends and didn't come back until about 930. She brought her friends with her, including annoying ditz #1.

I go to clean up the dishes with my back to them while they're sorting through our left over alcohol from last week. All of a sudden I hear annoying ditz #1 say "oh look! there's a recipe on the back...2 oz of this, some oj" etc etc. I automatically know that the bitch is holding the bottle of midori that I rightfully claimed ownership to last weekend. It was MY friend that brought the bottle in the first place and so I kindly reserved the last serving for me. I mean, I buy beer for them, can't I be allowed to have my favorite liquor? But did I say anything? No, of course not. Why should I make a scene when all her friends were there and I was obviously outnumbered PLUS it was her birthday! How much of a bitch would *I* seem. So I kept quiet and sulked in the loss of the last of my midori.

What do I find this morning? I find the bottle of midori on our kitchen counter with a little left. WTF!? What's the point of leaving that little?! Why not just add it to the rest you took? What the fuck can I do with that little in the first place? What a fucking waste!!!!

Arg. Yes I bitch about trivial things but fuck, if you had to put up with your evil roomie's and her friends' antics, you'd go insane too.

*errrrrrrr*

So I've been quite distracted with my app essay this past week or so. I can't seem to get my thoughts straight in rl let alone online. ugh. And how do I cope? I snuggle in bed with Harry Potter. As of right now, I'd much rather live at Hogwarts learning magic than be here. ;P

Woo! Ed is back to updating. Yay!

Now time to make that meatloaf. heehee.

Wow, I just realized that I've had a bf on Vday for the last 3 straight Vdays. Amazing considering I never had a bf before 1998. lol Too bad I didn't get laid last night though. Come to think of it, I haven't gotten any nookie on a vday since hmm..1999. damn. Shouldn't it be like a requirement for such a "special" day. eesh.

Just thirty-five more days. Woohoo!

Oh. My. God.

You know you live in Hawaii when you're listening to a radio station that is now playing Quad City DJ's "C'mon 'n Ride It(The Train)" [*WooWoo*] lol Damn this brings me back to high school. ugh.

I don't know if I should be grateful for the internet broadcast of this radio station or if I should shun it completely now. *shudder*

ACK! Grant got me flowers! heehee ^_^;; I'm so smitten. He's so cute. He always knows how to make me mad and happy at the same time. ;P

Here I am at work at the front desk and this delivery guy comes with a vase of roses. Obviously it couldn't be for me since he doesn't know the address of my work. umm, imagine my shock when he said my name. heehee ^_^; He's so cute.

And now I understand the end of his email today. "Don't be mad okay... Why? I dunno. . ." haha what a cheeseball. My cute cheeseball. =)

Yum. Cheese. =)

Maybe its just me, but I think Alan Greenspan is kinda cute in a wise, old, father/grandfather sort of way. Don't you?

lol
ok, maybe I've just lost it.

urg.

This essay for my UH app is so not going well. How does one bs sufficiently and still be eloquent? So goes my dillemma. bleh.

Today in the car, while the evil and good roommate were giving each other the silent treatment after a little mishap [fight] over the car radio, I found myself wishing that I didn't get into Cal. Well, half wishing. Hoping to get rejected because I didn't know how I was ever going to afford it and how I was ever going to be away from Grant for so long, yet hoping not because its not a sure thing that I'll get into UH. ugh. I hate uncertainty. Then I realized that I had already resolved myself to not getting into Cal because of how badly I feel I did in the interviews. heh. I'm so not a good optimist.

It was so bad last night that we could see our breath in our own house. ack! I think it was actually warmer when I stepped outside this morning.

After getting our PG&E bill this past weekend, I think we're a bit afraid of turning the heater on now. I can't wait till we get our own heaters in a few days. woopie!

Poor evil roommate...turned on the heater this morning [she's THAT special] and complained that she only had like 3 hours of sleep and was shivering most of the night. *shrug* oh wells. Yep, I'm a heartless bastard. so!

"The research also confirmed that males can take the blame -- or credit -- for creating most inherited genetic mutations."

hahahaha

heh.

I work for a company that employs idiots. I mean really, why would you want to open an email attatchment called Annakournikova.jpg.vbs anyway? der. So now I'm getting like 18+ emails with the same attachment. yep, a bunch of geniuses if you ask me. hehe

erg. digitalrice is being a butt. Well, when its up I have a lovely rant on the military for you.

fucking idiots. ugh. And to think, the biggest fucker of them all, Bush, wants to increase the Pentagon's budget by $4.5 BILLION! argh!!! Yeah, maybe so they can grow some sort of intelligence in the men who serve our country.

You would think putting that money to better use, oh like say education? would be more practical. Then maybe people entering the military would be smart enough not to send idiotic emails discriminating the people whose country they're in or smart enough not to hit an innocent ship while surfacing in a sub.

DUH!
*slaps forhead*
Bunch of fucking idiots led by another fucking idiot.

The party last night was ok. I was just sooo tired. I'll never have a party on a friday night again. Coming home from work and then trying to stay up late is just exhausting, especially when a bf has drama and keeps you up late the night before. boohar.

But it was nice seeing Won and her roomies. I'm glad they came because I really did not fit into that group of people. I knew some of them, but they weren't really people I would talk to. The rest of the people were basically the evil roomie's friends. ugh. Now I REALLY didn't fit into THAT group. heh. But then the bf called and was still suffering from the same drama and I had to excuse myself.

I was really glad Won, her roomies, and Judy left soon after because then I didn't feel I had to stay up till everyone else left. I went to sleep at like 2 and people were still here. *sigh* I was just pooped. Gosh I feel so old.

I'm glad I got a lot of sleep, but I'm not feeling at ease very much right now. I'm like the worst person to come to with a problem. I never know what to say or do. ack! I can only listen...it all goes in my head and I try to give comforting words, but more often than not, people want something else. I never know what to say! So then I keep quiet and just let the person's turmoil fester in my head. And now I'm worried and not feeling too happy. Boohar. =(

Oh yeah, and tomorrow we're having a party for the good roomie's birthday. She's turning the big TWO-OH! Gosh I feel old.

So yeah, if you want to come, just hit me up with an email! See ya there!

boingy boingy.

Bored and not wanting to do the UH app essay.

blah!

See! I have proof that I'm an angel! Look at that halo!


Yep, don't I look all mysterious and sexy. You know you love me. lol *wink*

Oh yeah, and I have the meanest crick in my neck. Its like a pinched nerve and I can't bend my neck to the right at all without being paralyzed with this extreme pain. boohar

ugh. I had to go to sleep mhalf way through writing in my journal cuz of the pain. uck. Then I forget my little packet of oatmeal on the kitchen table this morning, so now I'm starving. My UH essay isn't going to well. boohar. I wonder what nice surprises I will get today.

Ack! Its a bit scary to see someone perusing my site when 1. they're from Hawaii and 2. when they spend much more than the usual 5 minutes it takes to read what I write.

Note to self: Do not get overly paranoid

ACK! Have you seen Kim Jang Hoon's HonJatMal video? Its so sad! wah!!!

So you want to move to Hawaii. Maybe you should reconsider. Think about all the things you love about where you live [no doubt you live in the US mainland...for most of you anyway]. Imagine life without Target. *gasp* Imagine it without Crate & Barrel. *shock* Imagine it without Bath & Body Works, J. Crew, Macy's, and Ikea! OH NO! Yep, if you can image life without these things [and much much more!] then you have successfully imagined what life in the islands is like. Just take a look at what all the locals miss. I admit, I have no idea how I ever made it through life there without In-n-Out. hehe

So this is how it usually goes:

My mom makes some outrageous decision which usually makes my life a living hell. Then I whine and bitch and try to convince her how unfair and unreasonable she's being. One day later she changes her mind and gives some wise advice which is usually pretty good.

Which makes me wonder: why can't we just skip all the crap and bs the first 24 hours and fast forward to the end so I can keep living a reasonably sane and stable life? eesh

aw fuck me. ok...maybe not. But dammit. The evil roommate is now taking a shower. I should've run into the bathroom before she got a chance. And now I'm all sticky and sweaty from working out [i pumped iron baby! lol] and by the time the evil biyotch is done there will probably be no more hot water left. She takes like 30 minute showers!!! ack!

Boohar!!!!!

Wow, blogger is actually letting me in now. dumb piece of sh...

Anyway, I'm sooper pissed right now. I've been avoiding my mom's emails for the last week or so just because I'm sick of hearing how she constantly screws up her life. Now? Now she wants to extend that fucked-up-ness to my life. She tells me that she's "retired" now (she just quit her last job because of a bad coworker...its always the excuse) and so now she's going to rent out my bedroom for $400/mo.

WTF?!

First of all, I don't know who would want to live in that crappy ass house to begin with, let alone pay 400! Plus she blatently told me that even if I don't get into Cal, that I am to stay up here and just work for a living. Fuck no! I came up here for a reason and if I'm not going to get it accomplished here, there's no fucking reason why I won't get it done else where (ie home). ERRR!!!

So I tell her Fine, if you're going to rent it out go ahead. But just to let you know I'm probably not getting into Cal which means that I'll be going back home whether I have a room or not. I want to make it clear that the bed is MINE and you better not throw away any of my shit. Pack it up. If you want, I'll probably be back in April for a few days and I'll pack it up myself. Seeing as how you'll have rented it out by the time school starts, I'll have to find another place to stay so if you hear of anyone renting out a place, let me know. That'll just mean that I'll have to take out a larger loan to pay off school AND housing now. Thanks alot.

What does she do? She replies and tells me that if I'm going to come back that I can rent the room for 450 including all utilities. WTF? Sure I guess I should be grateful that she's giving me the opportunity to live at home, but for what? I get to pay to live at home with my parents' rules and overbearing attitudes? Fuck that! But watch..JUST WATCH! I just know that she's going to throw all my shit away. Like wtf? She's just like that. No respect for anything that's mine. She berates me when the opportunity presents itself and takes credit for my successes when she brags to relatives and friends. erk.

I laugh no one calls. Why would they? The room is small, its all the way in the back of the house with no separate entry, they'll have to share a bathroom, kitchen, everything. Grant goes "what is she going to do, impose a curfew on them too?" Obviously she'll have to reveal the alarm code. I just wonder how much my mom has actually thought this through. Now if it was a separate room with everything of its own, that would be a different story.

And if she lets some stranger sleep in my bed I swear there will be hell to pay. Oh yes...she better watch her fucking back. >.<

Boohar.

I want dimsum
I want dimsum NOW!!

I want to be able to drive wherever I damn well please.
And I want to be able to do it blasting my music with my car vibrating as I go to pick up some dim sum.
Fuck.
ERRRRRRRRRR!

oh yeah...and since i'm at home...please someone IM me! MARBHURD. I'd love to chat. heehee.

/me is bored

So I called in sick today. Yep, I'm at home...not by choice mind you. I'd much rather save my sick and personal days for another time when I'd love to play hookie.

Why am I home? Well, let me tell you a little story. I would consider it hilarious if it weren't for the worry and pain of it all.

Last night while preparing dinner I squatted to get a ziploc bag but I never made it all the way down. I ended up sitting on the corner of the cabinet door under the sink...and I hit it full force. [the door apparently wasn't closed properly cuz our cabinets suck shit] Dood! That was a painful experience. I can comiserate with all you guys who've gotten hit in the nads at one point or another. [heh..all men?] It reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally hurt! Then I found out I was bleeding when I checked it out. Yep...not a good thing. How does one put on a bandaid? Not gonna happen. Last night I checked more carefully and found a large cut...very large. I cried myself to sleep with worry. Not a good thing to go through when away from home and away from a doctor you've come to trust. At least I finally got my medical insurance member number 2 days ago [after 5 months of employment!! still waiting on the dental tho. heh] So I got my appt this afternoon. *worried*

Moral of the story? Don't go squatting without looking behind you and never EVER sit on a cabinet door corner.

boohar

and yes, i'm sure this was just something you all wanted to know huh. heh

Erg. I don't know whether I feel hungry or nauseous. Bleh. I don't like this feeling. =/