Being that time of the month [yes, I'm so sure all of you need to know that] I am quite bitter at what I have to go through. Dammit. Why can't men have the menstral cramps, the messy bleeding, and the worry of leaking and staining? But I am straying from the topic I wanted to discuss...

Why do some people feel the need to still have sex while the woman is on her rags? Does this not gross anyone out? I mean, it's hard enough to feel sexy and "in the mood" when cramps are making me feel like crap, but to have sex and put up with the nasty funk odor and mess?

Okay, I can sorta understand that maybe there's just no other time but the present that you can do the funky funky but uhh...if push comes to shove...I ain't gonna do it. Blech. This would be a good place to perform a little oral stimulation instead [for the guy of course!!]. My thinking is, if both of us can't be satisfied, at least one of us should.

In the end, it just really comes down to the gross factor for me. A little blood, maybe at the waaaaaaay end of a cycle, is manageable, but not a lot because you still have to deal with the smell. As a guy friend of mine stated, "it smells like bloody fish." I'm sure you didn't need to have that graphic visual put into your head, but at least now you can gauge the level of grossness that I feel this act attains. *shudder* So please...don't do it!!

Oh yes, another interesting thing happened today:

My math methods professor called me, and, after my mom finished yelling at me before handing me the phone, he asked me if I wanted to teach the math class which I was supposed to be observing this semester. Apparently the teacher I was to be paired with just found out her husband has leukemia. It's so sad. I'd gladly do it, but I honestly feel I'm not ready to teach, especially without ever observing a single math class. Wish I could help. Now I wonder which school I'll be placed at.

So here's the deal:

For every time I bite my nails, I owe a quarter to the piggy bank. Once that piggy bank reaches $3.50 [enough for a value meal] Grant is going to take me to McDonalds, will make me order the meal for him, and will make me watch him eat every last bite as we sit inside that McDs. This punishment goes against everything I believe in so hopefully it'll help me break the habit. If not, I won't be able to kiss him for days! At least he didn't stick with the original plan of forcing me to eat McDs. Oh the horror!

And yes, this deal was sealed with a kiss. hehehe ^_^

Grant is so cute. He came over today after his observation at the elementary school and brought lunch. Then we were chatting for a bit but I knew he was tired so I made him nap. Grant snores a little! hehehe. It's the cutest thing, especially when he wakes up occasionally and notices I'm watching him sleep. Then I caved in and napped for an hour with him. Napping is very nice, especially when it's with someone you love. ^_^;

Happie birsdays to many people out there. I know I'm gonna forget someone since I'm being really bad with my memory these days...

Tammy, Cyn, JP, Jay, and umm...I know there are probably tons more that have either long passed or I just plain forgot. That and I kinda feel weird about wishing people a happy birthday when I have never contacted them before and I only know OF them through their website. Am I just being weird?

But yeah, if I've not mentioned you, I'm sorry. *sticking out hand and waiting for a smack* =) Hope you all have great bdays!

Blackouts suck. Especially when they only allow you back online RIGHT AFTER the only person who can make your dreary day seem not so bad signs off.

dammit. I'm going to sleep. damn this humidity!

So how was my first day back to UH? Pretty shitty if you ask me. The parking security people were being shitheads and closed the parking structure off to everyone who did not have a parking pass. Dammitalltohell! It doesn't help that I was supposed to get my pass from my friend today [ended up not tho since she works in the food office and they were bogged down today so she had no time to get it]. I ended up searching for parking for at least an hour [in the middle of the day!!!!] and finally nabbed the last free spot in the public lot near Varsity theater. Shitheads - every single one of them. When I was talking to one of the guards there was even this other lady saying she was a teacher in the nursing school and they still wouldn't let her in. Even the teachers were getting screwed! I swear I was so pissed, especially since I was wearing pretty uncomfortable sandals [since i came from the burial, which was short and kind of awkward. my mom irked me again with her negative comments yet again, but that's a whole nother story] and I had to walk all the way to the admin building. It didn't help that a light rain had just fallen creating the utmost horrid humidity in conjunction with the hot asphalt and concrete around me. grrrr! I was so sweaty by the time I got to admissions & records.

But the good news is that I now have resident tuition! yay! I got the tax clearance today in town [and after all the shit i went through they now told me they HAD my refiled return dammit] and I finally got my residency settled. WOOHOO! Later, after my Ed foundations class I tried to fix my financial aid but the lady basically told me that I had to go back tomorrow to meet with an advisor since it was too late today. I waited in that gotdamn line for at least 30 minutes!!! SHIT!!!!!! I swear, I feel like I'm a freshman again! Nevermind the fact that I've already got my BA and I'm a grad student, I'm classified as a "new student" and as such I get treated like a stupid freshman with no priority whatsoever. dammit!

At least my classes were OKAY. The ed foundations course is severely over enrolled and some people just need to get the hell out. I would switch to the night class, but with my etec class I just can't anymore. boohoo. I also had my Special Ed class this evening and it seems like it'll be interesting. Our teacher is all about efficiency and has streamlined all the "housekeeping." I like it. And the good thing about the classes I had today? Well, all of my classes for that matter...is that they all only meet once a week! So these monday classes get hit with 2 holidays this semester. Next monday [woohoo!] and Veteran's Day in November [poor Cal doesn't get that day. hah! its one thing to make me happie ;P]. We'll see how my math class goes tomorrow.

Now i'm off to soak my blistering feet. *sob*

I think school starting tomorrow is taking its toll on my sanity. It's not the actually school work, but the fact that my schedule and his schedule won't really allow much time anymore. That sucks to the nth degree where n goes to infinity. I won't see him till Friday for sure and Wednesday night maybe. It doesn't help that I'm already really disappointed from not being able to go to the car show. I don't know why I let these little, stupid things get to me.

Tomorrow is the burial then class from 1-7. Hopefully I'll be able to fit in a trip to the tax office somewhere in between.

I'm also starting to wonder how much longer I can do this whole journal thing the way I do. I'll be a teacher soon and if students were to somehow find me, well, it wouldn't be too good for my professional career now would it? Needless to say, I'm very much reevaluating things. =/

I'm still alive and kicking for those of you wondering. I've just been a little busy and lazy the last few days or so. It's like, with less than one week of summer left, I'm busy all of a sudden. What's up with that? But ummm..I still owe people emails. Do not fear, I will write back! Hmm, I think that is more of a bad threat than a good promise. haha.

I now have a huge urge to go to Old Navy now so off I go to Ala Moana [the Pearl Highlands one is so ghetto now!]. wheeeeeeee!

Last night/this morning I woke up crying from a bad dream. From what I can remember, I just got frustrated from not being able to get these four annoying white guys out of my house. I guess you could call them unwanted house guests who just barged in and made themselves at home. I remember trying to physically pull one out the door and I was so weak all I did was stretch the guys shirt without budging him. I was so frustrated I was yelling at them and I just wanted them out of my house. I didn't know them and I felt so helpless. They just didn't give a shit. So then I broke down and cried and that's when I woke up. It was a very disconcerted feeling and I hate feeling like that. I still can't believe I woke up crying heavily though; it was the first time ever.

Then I went back to sleep, and woke up after having another dream dealing with a chinese dragon dance. I think there was a white couple in the dragon and after so long the front/head person would be removed and the next person would take over the head. I kept wondering if these white people would know how when it came to their turn.

Please don't think I have anything against white people. This was just a dream. As for the first one, I just hate rude people in general. I hate bad dreams.

Went hiking up Diamond Head yesterday with my friend Julie and her bf Jonathan, who were in town visiting. I am now slightly burnt, but my face has a nice tan glow to it. hehehe.

We then had the Sunday brunch at Sam Choy's restaurant. Damn that was good food. Swordfish poke...mmmm *drool* My favorite was the waffles though. My sweet tooth always gets the better of me. Mmmm...whip cream. =)

Fun was had by all and I'm glad I got to see Julie again after months. I doubt I'll see her for another year at least though. She really made me miss our time in Korea. I want to sing at noraebang, shop at Dongdaemun, and eat ddukbokkee and naengmyun again!! mmmm Naengmyun. *drool*

Seventeen days.
It took the best friend 17 days to remember the birthday.

Better late than never right? =P

I'm wallowing in self-pity again. Yeah, I know. It's never a good thing. Things are just sucking right now and I just wish I could get myself out of the house sometimes.

*sigh*

Don't you hate it when you're talking to someone and the conversation is just really awkward and not flowing smoothly? Well, that's just the kind of phone conversation I had with my friend Julie who's in town. She wanted to confirm meeting up on Sunday. Only problem was that I hadn't thought about what we were going to do exactly. I don't know why, but even though I've lived here for like 22 years, I can never think of anything to do for me or for others. So I settled for going with them to Diamond Head and then having lunch afterward. Not too bad of a plan, but the conversation was just not very good.

I think my social skills have gone down the tube. It's kind of depressing.

My paranoia is continuing especially after I tried shutting down a little while ago and it warned me that I would be cutting off like 3 people who were connected to my computer. WTF? I didn't have any ftps or any programs open at all. It's so freaky!

Hey, you'd be paranoid too if you had mean people harassing you.

So now I'm talking to my "techie guru" Lester and he's trying to assure me that its probably just something with my cable network and he's telling me to password protect my folders. But password protecting is such a fucking pain gosh dammit!!!!

Mean people, who make my life miserable, suck.

Okay, good night. err..good morning to you east coaster. ;P

The bad/strange/ucky dreams continue. I'm not gonna be graphic, cuz well, it's disturbing enough just thinking about it. But let me just say that it was like watching really bad gay porn. Not that I've ever watched gay porn in my life, but if I ever did, I'd say that what I "saw" this morning would've probably been classified as really bad and disgusting. *shudder* It was really gross!!!!

why me? =(

phunnie video.
damn, i'm glad I'm not a guy. ;P

I swear I learn something new about cars every time I talk to Grant. I already knew he could tell the difference between a manual and automatic car just by the sound, but yesterday I also learned that a car with a turbo has a certain sound too.

Last night I was telling our friend Tanya, who knows a lot more about sewing and cars than I'm sure most girls even care to know, that I now have all this information about cars in my head but I'm still figuring out how to organize it so I can actually remember it. I don't know if this is a good thing. It sure is hilarious though.

Hmm, is there a new Acura with 260 horsepower? Grant and Tanya were trying to figure out what it was since Tanya saw a commercial for it. She doesn't think it's the RSX since it only has 200.

See! If you had asked me this a year ago, would I have even cared? Would I even have known what a horsepower was? haha Scary I tell you.

dammit!!!!

I refiled my taxes 2 months ago and paid almost $500 just so I could fucking fix my residency status for tuition purposes but it still hasn't been processed and now i'm fucked. DAMMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

bored bored bored.
dunnoing what to doing.
window shopping?
driving around the island?
dudidu
pupipu

hmm, do i know someone from ucdavis?
sorry, i just get uber paranoid sometimes. heehee
email me?

I was going to make a journal entry out of this but I felt it better not to. Besides, I've been feeling really lazy this whole weekend so tough. hehe

I came across this website [www.findthegspot.com] today while reading up on stuff. Take that as you will but I thought it was pretty damn funny. I dunno if I would open it up at work but it's not exactly porn or anything. Hmm, maybe some guys can learn from this.

I also followed some of the links from that page like www.sexualpositionsfree.com and thought those were pretty cool freakin hilarious too. hehe.

Why does it seem like a whole bunch of journallers are talkin bout sex and stuff these days. Probably because that's what interests everyone the most? keke

Grant forgot his pants here today. You know you all have your minds in the gutter [pervs...the whole lot of you!] but you better start thinking differently because he was merely changing for work in my room and forgot them. Sheesh. Anyway...

What is it about guys that smells so nice? Granted, a lot of guys emit some nasty funk odor at times, but when you're with your "hunny" you can't help but think everything about him smells yummy..er, I mean nice. I think it may partially be his detergent. This is not to say that I'm smelling his pants or anything. Okay! So I did once! and not in anywhere gross! Damn you all!

My mom said the stupidest thing to me and Grant today [in addition to the other stupid things she's already said the last few days...check the journal]. She said "Has anyone told you you two look like brother and sister? You both have long faces and bushy eyebrows. The only thing is that she's whiter than you."

Yeah mom. I've always wanted to look like I was in an incestuous relationship. Thanks.

Remember Stinkymeat way back when? Well, now there's also the Fat project, Stinkyfeet, and Stinkymeat 2! What possesses these people to actually volunteer do these things?

Warning: its pretty gross. blech.

Tonight is being spent cleaning the messy room. We're talking disaster area in a state of emergency here. haha. I think Grant's getting a tad impatient with it, so I guess its finally time.

On a side note, did you know that Jimmy Smits is in the new Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones? He'll be Princess Leia's adoptive dad, Bail Organa. I actually found this out because I spent a good hour or so just reading bios of all the Star Wars characters and such. Yeah, I was that bored.

MC was talking about this anime called Initial-D about Japan street racing and all I could think was that it was perfect for Grant in his brother. It's not even funny how much I know his brother would like it. Let's put it this way, all he does in school is draw cars in class, and he's hoping to one day get a hachiroku all his own, while he has this love for skylines and RX7s [but can't afford them]. Those two. I swear, the other week, after Grant put in his springs and struts, all they did was talk about what else they could do to modify his car and all this other car stuff for like almost an hour! Hilarious.

So what am I doing now at 1 am? I'm trying to find episodes to download. Why? because I'm an idiot that's why. haha. Maybe I can learn more by watching it so I can impress my baby...uhhh....or maybe not. ;P

Okay, this is just another reason why I hate anonymizer.com. I'm sorry if I offend anyone this time around, but hey, now its personal. Evil, defaming, and cruel emails is one thing, but posting personal information for anyone to see and actually contact me is NOT.

Hmm, I think I'll look into banning. Sorry, it's just gotta be done I guess.

FUCKING A!

Someone fucking posted all my personal info in a forum on korealink 2 weeks ago. Dammit! Even my personal email which not everyone knows. That's why some guy called my house saying I posted something looking for korean guys. Someone really wants to die soon. Why are people so fucking rude and cruel in this world?

I'm done. finally.

And that's all I can say for now.
It was hard as shit. hmm shit isn't really hard though. but you know what I mean. I'll be so pissed if I miss the minimum score by a few points. I either want to pass by a few points or fail by a landslide. hehe. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE

Ok. just a short note before i go back to trying to cram 5 weeks of studying into one night.

I. AM. SO. F*CKED.

Yes. Thankfully its only a 2 hour test. But maybe by some divine intervention I'll actually pass. Or maybe not, seeing as how I basically forgot how to integrate this afternoon.

What? Its been like 3 years. Give me a break here!

Thanks and return emails will be given after tomorrow's test. Sorry if i appear to be ungrateful or rude. I'm not. I promise!

Well I feel stupid now. [what else is new]

All this time I thought this song "Endlessly" was sung by Backstreet Boys since that's what it was labeled as on Bearshare. Now, thanks to aleen, I have found out that it's actually by a group called b4-4. And all this time I was wondering why I couldn't distinguish any of bsb's voices. haha

okay this has been bugging me for a while and i just really want to know if it actually exists...

The "back" button for your browser [IE at least anyway] can be done with the backspace button on the keyboard, so what is the shortcut key for "forward"?

i konw, i'm dumb. heehee

I'm very disappointed that the House passed Bush's energy plan. Sure the country is in need of more energy sources and the area they plan to drill may be "desert" but it's STILL a wildlife refuge.

It just irks me to think about all of this because Bush's election campaign was majorly financed by oil companies. And lest we forget, he *is* from the oil state of Texas. I mean really, could it look any more obvious?

They could've at least raised the milage standards on SUVs or something. You can't just drill for more and not promote conservation in other areas. Americans are just greedy people who will suck the earth dry till the end. My parents are two of these millions of people. I won't even start to get into the whole Kyoto treaty.

I still think Bush is an idiot who will ruin us all in the next 3.5 years. Just wait till you baby boomers go on social security. You'll be screwed and you'll just have to wonder why. heh.

This is my horoscope for August 2, 2001, my birthday:

In the aftermath of an agitating episode, you need some peace and quiet. Think of sleep as medicine. Inasmuch as it allows you to rest and heal, it's the ideal cure for what ails you. The solution to a momentous problem will seem more obvious tomorrow morning. A delay puts your subconscious mind to work.

Kinda funny huh? I guess I better take the advice. weeeeiiiiiirrrd

Okay, things are looking a little more better. The cupcakes are done and a chocolate one with sprinkles is set aside for grant when he comes over tomorrow.


This is despite my inner bitch not wanting him to come over because it'll just be for like an hour and i'm greedy and demanding. But i'm trying to repress these emotions. really.

i'm feeling a lot better right now.

i think it helps to actually get out of the house, even if it's only for grocery shopping [especially if all you're buying is cake mix and frosting. hehe], and stop listening to all that shitty, depressing music. Its better to speed off to safeway while jamming to korean techno. whee.

and now i'm making cupcakes. cupcakes will bring a smile to just about anyone, including me.

that doesn't mean that i'm all happie happie now of course. i still wish grant wasn't such a baby with his cold. sure he just wants to get better and that's why he refuses to go out, but dangit, if your gf needs you...well. i won't get into it. it's not worth it to ruin my okay mood right now. hmph.

anyway...here's a survey to promote some reader participation:

Flavors

Which flavor do you like the best? Vanilla Chocolate Strawberry None of the above-I like to be different

Current Results

hmm, i just realized. this could very well be my quarter life crisis i'm going through. how funny



not like anyone cares

You know, whenever i get really depressed and things seem almost unbearable I tend to think about death alot. Not like killing myself kind of death, just about events that have occurred in the news or in movies related to death. Last night I was trying to think myself to sleep and I couldn't stop having these images pop in my head. Its really bad.

and its really bad that I'm sitting here wondering if the people around me would ever notice if I just stopped eating or if I developed some kind of eating disorder. Not like I'd do it, but if I ever did, it would be totally for attention reasons [as if journalling wasn't whoring enough attention?].

My tummy hurts now since i gorged myself on spicy cajun pringles an hour ago and I haven't really eaten anything else all day [nothing really to eat in this house but chips, ice cream, or twinkies]. Its dinner time now [pizza. woo so healthy] and my tummy is too sore to eat. hmmmm.

hey. wow. its august already. what a trip. i am now 22 years 364 days old. woop

everytime i hear a loud car muffler my hopes go up and then come falling back to earth. man, i need to stop putting myself in these situations.