<rambling about kpop shtuff>
Ever since HOT broke up *sniff* I had been anticipating what their separate projects would sound like and if I would like them. Well, Kangta came out first, and him being the lead singer of the now defunct group, he definitely had the best chances of succeeding. Plus I think he had the most fans, although personally I think he looks kind of gay. His album turned out to be more jazzy but it was impressive nonetheless. Moon HeeJun, the only other member besides Kangta to remain with SM Entertainment, came out with his solo album next. He was like the second lead singer in HOT and was known for some of his dancing. I figured his album would probably be more metal-rock-ish since that's the kind of genre he produced when HOT wrote songs on their other albums. I was right. His album isn't that great, but it's not completely bad.

Lee JaeWon, Tony An, and Jang WooHyuk (my personal favorite) were left out in the cold by SM and signed with Yegam instead, thus sealing the end of HOT's fate. I was mostly anticipating this album, not only because of my....devotion?...uhhh maybe not that much...LIKE of these members (ok, not really JaeWon) and my curiousity at what kind of sounds this trio could come up with. I mean, Tony was more like third string singer/rapper in HOT, WooHyuk was known more for his screaming/rapping/deep talking and dancing [better than HeeJun!], and JaeWon....uhhh, I never really noticed him much...I don't think anyone really did. Well, their album has finally been released under the group name JTL (JangTonyLee) and I really like their sound the best out of them all. Why? I'm not quite sure, but their songs are just a bit catchier and beebopish. More boybandish? just a tad. And Tony's singing isn't really THAT bad. And I'm not biased just because I liked Woohyuk the best. It's just too bad they all had to split up....but it's not like HOT's sounds were getting any better anyway. I like this JTL =)
</rambling about kpop shtuff>

Like you guys really care right? lol

Grant is painting my toenails right as i type this. It's his first time. haha. Pictures will be forthcoming since yay! I gave him a card reader for xmas so now he is using his digicam....or at least i am. hehehe.

update: he says, and i quote "little toes are easy." hahahha. he's redoing the big toes for the THIRD time!!

finally! i've been up for an hour searching for a stupid patch for my dreamweaver. yay! i finally found it. hehehe

Merry Christmas!!

I am sooooo tired. I finished baking cookies for people finally last night and gave the last of it to my coworkers. Yet for some extremely retarded reason I felt compelled to make just one more batch of cookie dough so I could make for my family. Why? I don't know. They don't deserve it, well, at least my mom doesn't. She kept guilt tripping me the last week saying i care more about friends than family just because I wouldn't give her a damn cookie every time I pulled new ones from the oven. Like the fact that these were gifts while her own gift was under the tree meant nothing to her. shit. I even gave her some since I had extra and I still get no respect.

Wait..this wasn't supposed to be another rant about my mom. That normally goes into my journal. haha I really hate how my regular journal has turned into more of a dumping ground of negativity while this blog serves as my everyday stuffs now. hmm...

anyway, I'm just really tired. I've been working a lot and getting last minute things done. Macy's has really good sales! People were going buckwild on the photo frames/boxes/etc the other day. 50% off already marked down stuffs. Gosh I knew there was a reason I loved that store so much. haha And then now that it's vacation I'm trying to work a little extra so I get to work again tomorrow and friday. oh woopie. I even have to wake up earlier since it's a different store and it's farther. wooo. I just have to keep repeating to myself that "it's for the money." ;P

Oh, and thanks to those who wrote me about that last post. It's nice to know there are people out there who care enough to kick me in the ass to get me back on track. =)

Just got back from a great Christmas party at Grant's house. It was for his school classmates with their secret santa and everything. It was a lot of fun and I got to talk to a lot of people, but still, negative things always have to happen at some point right? Well, basically it was this one girl who i'm usually really cool with and on great terms with, but because i took her clothes pin [it was this game where you're not supposed to say a certain word ("yeah") or else people can take away your pins] early in the game she basically shit listed me and talked smack all night. Yeah I played along but to do it for the whole night was just a bit excessive. Let's not get into the drama with the prize drawings. Funny how I didn't get home till now though, 1:30 am!!

Now I have this uneasy feeling for some reason. Seeing grant together with one of his classmates made me wonder...why is he with me? We don't match...they match. It's such a silly thing to think about but for some reason it just struck me today. Its not like I've never seen her before. *sigh* I have too many insecurities and i just have to stop this nonsense. =/

oh yeah...YAY for being done with my semester!! =)

Had pretty good stone pot bi bim bap tonight from Sorabol because MC made me crave it. dangit! But anyway, grant didn't seem to care for it much and add to that the fact that I order with my eyes and not my stomach so I ordered an extra side dish of what i thought was the raw fish dish I wanted to try but turned out to be some skate dish instead. Either way it was way too spicy and overpriced and I didn't enjoy it in the least. I am beating myself up about as we speak. ugh. I hate when that happens. And I hate when I choose a place and the food and grant's not impressed. *sigh* That's like my goal now.

And did you know [of course you don't cuz i haven't told you yet duh] that i had to return my "perfect" gift that i got for Grant's mom because his dad got her the EXACT SAME salad spinner today and just gave it to her, no wrapping no nothing. Grant meant to tell his dad yesterday after he heard him talking about getting one but grant didn't and so today it was already too late. I even got that gift last month - a whole month before Christmas! gah! Yes, I'm pretty pissed about this but it's not like I can do anything about it now. Grant didn't do what he was supposed to do and now i'm suffering. Do you know how much i wanted to get that PERFECT gift? I feel like I have to redeem myself or something just because I'm not Mormon. geez. So now I have to use my $50 macy's gc so i can afford to get another gift that costs three times as much as the original perfect gift. boohar.

i think i'll be mad at grant, at least for the next few hours. hmph

yay! it's almost payday! well, that's like one of the only things I have to look forward to this week.

at least my final is almost here. [and i'm happy about this?] almost done. yay!

I want this camera.

It's like that one thing you know you'll probably never get because well, you can't, yet you want it so badly anyway.

okay, i really have to get back to studying now. bleh

Congrats to Paul, and Becky of course, on their new son! yay! He's so cute! [the baby...but Paul could be too. hehe]

here's a question: Has anyone ever seen a baby that WASN'T cute? I think i've seen one, but anyone else out there?

Yay! gg posted a soap pic. Here are mine: one with a whale, and one with a turtle.

It's been a while since grant and i made these, but i never took pictures of them. and now that i look at them again, the color kind of bled so I better use these or something. Who knew making soap could be so fun right? ;P

have you ever had doubts but then tried to convince yourself that you're probably imagining things and thinking of only the bad things when the good things probably outweight the bad? And then you think...maybe you're just convincing yourself because you don't want to be wrong and have all your efforts and sacrifices be for nothing?

That's what i'm wondering about right now. I don't like it.

Cute kissy asian flash thing (its in korean but you'll still get it ;P). dunno what else to call it. haha

thanks for the link philling!

my room is a complete disaster area right now. I don't think it has ever been this bad. EVER! I really need to clean up, especially since I finally just finished my SPED assignments. yay! Only one final on Wednesday to go! WOOHOO!

*sigh* my poor room.

ACK! A friend of mine is getting married in June! ACK!^2 Is this the beginning of the period in my life where everyone one of my friends gets married, leaving me alone in the dust of non-married life? uhh..maybe not. Especially when you consider the fact that my best friend got married....4 years ago. DAMN! Married for four years already and look at me. Oh well, I'm still young right? [and just watch me keep saying that for the next 10 years. lol] I'm so happy for all my soon-to-be married and married friends. YAY!

dammit. to sum up..if i can remember it all...

been gone a few days. stressed, tired, working, baking, sleeping.
finished xmas cards, packed a gift to the mainland (yeah, just a tad late), went to the post office whee! then went searching for cookie cutters. dammit

made doughs friday and baked russian tea cookies while watching jurassic park III again. Found that the smell of molassas, and hence the entire raw gingerbread cookie dough, made me nauseous, so I definitely won't be making that again. Besides, the gingerbread cut outs were a pain in the ass and made me spend hours making a huge batch. I didn't know it would be so damn big! Next time [wait, what next time?] i'll reduce the recipe.

must decorate gingerbread men, finish assignments, watch Alias [YAY!] and catch up on sleep. Speaking of which...I must go now.

Oh wait...my main point...I guess I'm mistaken when it comes to mixers with paddle attachments. i must be so deprived because it seems like many people have them. *sniff* I'm all underprivileged. haha. Jealous is more like it.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dammitalltohell. I just lost my freaking post!!!!!!!!

The canadian boy is gone and now life is back to normal unfortunately. Mom is being super bitch so I'm running away tonight. No cookie baking for me. I'm very very sad. The cookies were to be the highlight of my week. T_T

so i'm finally done [for this week at least] and now I'm looking up cookie recipes. I'm going to bake tons tonight! yay! Anyway, I look at marthastewart.com [only because i had it linked from a while back for some reason] and I look at their gingerbread recipe and in the directions it says, "In an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar until fluffy." Okay...is it just me or who the f**k has an electric mixer with a paddle attachment?! I swear, MS mainly caters to the upper class..i mean, who really has time to do any of the shtuff she comes up with? ugh. Better keep looking. heh.

hmm....six hours till my paper is due and i'm probaby a little more than half done. Let's see if I can do this ultimate of procrastination feats! hehe pray for me please? ;P

ugh. i have too much work to do. actually, I just have a paper due tomorrow and I'm only starting now. woo. Then my mom's friend's son is here now for a couple days and I feel really sorry for him because he's just been indoors all morning. He should be out doing the tourist thing! But unfortunately for him, my mom is the one that would take him around. I'd do it if only I didn't have all this shit work to do. oh well.

Hope yall are having a great Tuesday!

dude....

Hawaii gave BYU a beat down! muahahaha. Of course, it wasn't the best of games and UH really needs to learn some humility [is that the word I'm looking for? hmmm]. Such show offs I swear. As if they didn't fumble the ball how many damn times. Still though, I couldn't believe it when the game first started with an immediate touchdown [manager was listening to the game all day at work so i was forced to too. heh]. But damn...72-45? I think I would have preferred a low scoring close game instead. But at least we whooped our rivals and kept them from staying undefeated. That's all that really matters.

That...and the fact that his sister goes to BYU. Oh how sweet it is. =P

I want to be domestic. I want my own place where I can cook and pretend to clean now!

Yes, and isn't that so relevant and smoothly transitioned from the strange and odd post below. hmm...

I think it's time to go to sleep finally. I haven't been up this late in months!

Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. It doesn't really matter if I succeed at everything I do. It doesn't really matter what other people think of me. It doesn't even matter if someone dislikes me. Yet I continue to be sensitive to outside perspectives and opinions. I sometimes alter the way I act because of it. Am I not true to myself? I could argue that catering to others is my inner self, but who wants to admit something so foolish? I wish it weren't so. I wish I didn't care about what people say or think. I wish I didn't harbor ill feelings towards those who have wronged me in the past. I have learned that grudges do not benefit anyone, yet I continue to hold onto them, if only deep inside my heart. Over time, all of this eats away at my happiness and my true self. Sometimes I wonder who I am now. I thought I knew, but it only seems like a faded image in my dreams.

I wish I didn't worry about others, but I do. I carry the burden from it always. And there is no changing that. It cannot be helped. But sometimes I just wonder...why?

I love Christmas time, mostly because of all the Christmas songs. It makes me feel all warm inside.

I downloaded a couple songs from the S.M. Christmas albums (Korean) and put two of my more favorite songs together in one file for you to download. The first is a Korean version of Panis Angelicus by Yoo Young Jin and the other is "Waiting for a White Christmas" I think it's called "Chang Bakkeul Bayo" in korean. My korean font sucks sometimes and I forgot to romanize it when I dled it so I'm not 100% sure. ;P That one is by all the S.M. singers. Both are from the second Xmas album from last year. Check out the new 3rd one too. [can't find a good link so you're on your own for that one] Now does anyone know where I can get the main song from the first album?

btw...S.M. stands for Soo Man [if i remember correctly], the founder of S.M. Entertainment, which manages kpop singers like S.E.S, Shinhwa, Kangta, etc. and not something of a sexual nature...you perverts!
[gosh, what are you people gonna do with all this useless information?]

Oh, and I don't suggest dial-up peeps try dling the file. Are there still people on dial-up anyway?

Well, I finished my portfolio finally [i found out last night that it's only a formative check though. dammit] and even my log #5 on assessment. Too bad I don't have time to finish my damn observation journal. I'm on Day #16 of 24 and they're getting pretty damn wordy. Fuck it. I'm turing it in next week.

And i'm changing my foundations topic to vouchers because while educational aims: past present and future would be an interesting and wordy [since i need to get to at least 8 pages] topic/argument to delve into, I just don't have the time to research it and shit so instead I'll do something else I remember being somewhat knowledgable about and strongly opposed to last election season. bleh.

Why can't I just be done? I only have like 5 days to write all my cards and get shit bought and wrapped so I can mail them all by the deadline so they get to Japan and the mainland in time! dammit!! Living in the middle of the pacific really sucks sometimes. Thank God for Amazon at least. ;P

www.colorgenics.com

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share .But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously..and you so are right in so doing so... You are a very sensitive person -

The way things are ... you are under considerable stress ... and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone .... and you are right ... move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual...pretending that you are stoical...indifferent, that is to pain or pleasure. But this is not so...for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions...and perhaps repent in leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real "you". The you that you would like to be. ...

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety.You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress ... You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault. You have been misled and abused by those that you trusted. But you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification?.

You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself... To find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time...

...so true so true. *sigh*

erg. Portfolio is due tomorrow and I've been trying to put it all together. I still need to write up my narratives and reflections for all my artifacts but I'm just too tired! I swear my brain stops functioning at around 12. ugh. I'm getting so old. So now I have to do that tomorrow in addition to my log 5 that I didn't do last week and my journal that I haven't been typing up since halloween. Joy joy. bleh. After that I can start researching my foundations paper. whee! At least today was my last day at OP. I told my students and some actually seemed genuinely sad. boohoo! I was getting a little sad!! Gonna miss them, especially period 3!!

okay, time to sleep now. So. very. tired. zzzzzzzzz...

Just like everyone else...I was curious...

If I were a work of art, I would be Sandro Botticelli's Birth of Venus. Apparently, that means...

"I am a beautiful and alluring composition, not afraid to show off a good deal of bare flesh. People surround me and gaze at me with the adulation due a goddess and friendly breezes gently push me along my path in life."

LMAO!!!

Which work of art would you be? The Art Test

i'm bored. I have to go to the high school to teach a lesson in a few minutes. Tomorrow is my last day [yay! shhhh] I dunno what to get my mentor teacher though. Any ideas? Anyway, i dunno why i'm writing in here now. This is a pointless entry so don't mind me. I just thought I should write in here since I haven't in a bit. Okay, off I go. ta ta!

ps....Alias kicked butt tonight! and the previews look exciting. But I bet you the mole they've discovered is actually her dad! I dunno. I like thinking of these twists. My reason? Because all the guy said was that the target was "Bristow." hello? duh!

or maybe not. I just like making things more complicated than they really are. And most of the time I'm wrong. *sigh* Looks like this time is no different. lol yeah, i'm a dork. @________________@

I'm so excited and happy! I recently got an email from a long lost internet friend. She was the first internet person that I ever met up with. Wait. Strike that. I met people at the HOT concert here but she was the first internet friend that I actually met on a more personal basis and on my own. yeah. She lived in Berkeley and it was from that meeting, or more like the subsequent return trip "home" (back to rose's dorm) that I acquired "many traumatic memories of (colma) to last me a lifetime." Read my recap of that day here.

Anyhoo...I got the email a few days ago and now I find out that she's now engaged and will be in hawaii for a short while during the Christmas holiday! I'm so excited that I'm gonna get to see my dongsaeng again!! She's the one that first introduced me to Berkeley (the town, not the school) and Jello flan! I so wish I could've met up with her when I actually lived up there last year, but it turns out she moved back to Korea about a year ago. !!! So many changes and I'm so jealous! Korea!! hehehe. And it all started because we were both in an H.O.T chatroom at the same time. hahahah

Stranger things *have* happened. ;P

Dang, I really need to put these longer posts into my journal instead. *shrug* I'm lazy. Bear with me until finals are over please? =) Yay! 21 more days till pauline is here and 23 more days till Christmas! ACK! >o.O<