hmm, a thought just occurred to me [wow, amazing!]. i should start a "yay of the day" hahahaha. at least that way i'd be able to at least see something bright about my days, even if i have really bad ones. we'll see...

Double YAY for today. [hey, that rhymed!]

Yay again for UH spanking Stanford last night!!!

and Yay for Min getting accepted to Carnegie Mellon University!!! I'm so proud of you!! =)

yay! UH men's volleyball defeated Stanford last night and last i heard, they were giving Stanfurd the smack down yet again tonight. and the cardinals are ranked #2? PSHT! UH deserves better than their current #4 status. dangit! Yay for defeating Stanford! [happy lester? ;P]

The Mystery of Britney Spears' Breasts. it's kinda long, but its hecka funny. ;P

Continuing the best friend email crack ups re: Welding, she writes:

As for welding, Maria what are you talking about? I
am a great welder. Well, so far. I can stick weld
really well. I mean there I was with my helmet down
welding two pieces of metal together. I finished
welding a bead, and lifted my helmet to examine my
handiwork. When all of a sudden, I felt something
funny down my legs. I look down to see that my left
lower leg is on fire!!! Yeah, retard over here set
her jeans on fire.

haha. She's okay though; just embarrassed. I wish she'd take pictures of her jeans and send it my way. ;P

I forget when i first saw it, but back then i thought it was just like those other rings/pages and figured i didn't need to join another one. But then it kept growing and about a month or 2 ago i finally realized how stupid i've been for not joining. I could've been at least a 2 digit number! But alas, it was not meant to be. I only now joined the Rice Bowl Journals [yeah, about freakin time huh] and I'm number 535! Damn! Now i'm just an aimless three digit number that no one will ever take notice of...but hey, at least i joined. And who knows, maybe [hopefully] it will keep growing and i won't have to regret being a 4 digit number someday. =)

you know what else makes me happy? hearing/reading people that say "yay" in journal/blog entries, emails, or everyday conversation. haha. I dunno why, but using 'yay' as an expression shows a lot of feeling to me for some reason. maybe it goes back to the fact that me and my best friends used it often. besides, its only used when one is happy so there is no negative association with the word/exclamation. YAY! =)

erk. i'm bored and i'm still correcting papers. dang. this is hard work! of course, i do have a job and a thursday night class that cuts into my time and makes it that much harder to keep up. bah. I'm sitting here taking a little break and i'm bopping my head to UN's Pado. I guess it's my favorite song of the moment because its just a happy mood song. =)

I also listened to my ART cd [the first one] today to and from work. I had forgotten how much i liked that cd. I still knew most of the words to some of the songs and it's been years since i last listened to it. ahha. I still remember listening to it while on the BART in 1998 on my way to visit Pauline in berkeley...my first visit there! who knew what would transpire there a couple years later. hahaha. ahhh...memories. makes me happy. =)

yay for Korean American writers getting props..err...recognized. I think I should use less slang . hehe

gosh i'm out of it. must be this cold. dammit! i hate being sick. I just realized everything i said in that post right below had nothing to do with what those drinks said about me. lol. either way i'm strong, but i guess maybe i really am just medium build. *sigh* heck if i'm ever considered "popular" hahaha. yay! i'm fresh! hahaha.

i dunno if its a head cold or an actual cold. bleh. i need sleep.

damn...
If you consider me "medium build" then...

Which drink are you?

So what is considered "tall?" I'm 5'6" and compared to my friends i'm pretty much a freakin giant. So if that's considered tall, then i'm really a



which i don't really mind, but i've never had a margarita before and a long island iced tea, while being a cheap and effective way to get plastered quick, have been known to make me very sick...namely on one occasion. lol sorry again lester! Such bad beginning impressions.

Yes, I have issues.

yay! my friend soompar got married this weekend. all she has to do now is change the first letter of her last name, K, to a WH. hahaha. almost like my grandmother's name going from a Chang to a Chung. lol I do feel bad for her tho...she's honeymooning here in hawaii and the weather isn't that great. I hope it clears up soon! Too bad I wasn't in cali still tho...i could've gone to the wedding! Ack! I've only been to one wedding in my life. isn't that sad?

no bad dreams to report of today. thank goodness. I did tell grant about my dreams today. He thinks i'm weird. Little does he know that tears were starting to well up as I was telling them. bah. I hope my hormones go back to normal soon. its driving me looney.

dammit. i'm so mad. today was supposed to be a new episode of Charmed [yes, i know it's supposed to be on 'WB Thursdays' but apparently KFVE here doesn't like that schedule] but when i turned to ch 5 it was freakin volleyball! dammit! it wouldn't be so bad if it was UH playing, cuz we all know how people love UH volleyball *rolling eyes* [okay, so people here really are fans, and i don't hate it or anything..just when it inconveniences me], but it wasn't UH. It was UCLA and Penn state [i think] playing! Who the hell cares?! I want my Charmed dammit!!!

[oh, and props to the UH men for giving Penn state a smack down last night. heh heh]

i had another sad dream involving grant again this morning. He had come back from camp and was putting something together while a couple of his cohort classmates were sitting around chatting. I was there and i was so happy that he was finally back so i held his hand, or at least put mine atop his but he didn't flinch and basically showed no emotion; he just kept going with what he was doing. i didn't know what else to do since he was obviously busy so i figured i'd go get gas nearby and come back before he went to work. so i go and apparently gas is super cheap, like $1.29/gal [compared to 1.59 over here now!] and then some guy starts talking to me about gas and stuff. i think it was lex brodie. haha. anyway, so finally i get back from filling up gas only to find grant left. he left without even saying goodbye. he left without saying hi, or i love you even. and that was that. It was so depressing when i woke up! What's up with all these sad and disheartening dreams dammit!? Is it my insecurity rearing its ugly head through my subconscious? I think i could use a dream analyst right about now.

dude, i'm still correcting papers and i've been at it for the last 2.5 hours and i'm not done yet! half way only. boohoo. poor me. now i totally sympathize with all those teachers out there!

I had the most disconcerting/sad dreams last night/this morning at like 3 am and i still remember it now and its still bothering me so i have to at least release the feelings here or something.

We [grant and i] were at the mall, more like by sears, which seemed to be reorganizing because they had like no merchandise out at all except in boxes on the floor. Then stuff happened, i don't rememeber what, but what i do rememebr is that a whole nother 9/11 type of thing happened where a plane flew into sears [it was apparently not just your normal 3 stories but was more like 20+]. Grant had gone somewhere and i was just wandering around, not too panicked or anything. in fact, no one was really panicked. All i knew was that g's ex was killed in the elevators. how i knew this i have no clue. So i go to the bottom level of the mall [think street level of ala moana] and people were waiting for the elevator and grant was there. I join him and we get into the elevator. As we're going up we're positioned in a way like an amusement park ride, strapped in, with 2 people stacked above 2 people below. Grant and i are strapped in at the top. then I realize, wait, the elevator shafts aren't whole anymore, and just as i realize this we encounter a huge opening in the building and are badsically outside. Now with no more elevator shaft to protect us, we basically free fall and i'm just screaming and squeezing grant's hand as hard as possible. I tell him i love him and then we crash. Apparently i don't die in that approximately 7-10 floor free fall and neither does grant, but we're still trapped since we're strapped in. the people under us however, aren't so lucky. I see my classmate walk by and ask for her help, however I also abruptly tell her that her son [who happens to be in one of the classes i teach] was in the elevator with us and he was under us. i felt bad after that and i don't think she helped us. after screaming some more, we finally got out. and that's the end of that one...i think.

then there's this other dream where i'm parked in my car at the zoo, waiting for grant or something, and i fall asleep. When i finally wake up i'm still in my car but its apparently 5-10 years later! I have a bunch of tickets on my window and walk out dazed. In waikiki i some how manage to find grant, only in my dream i think he looked more like this guy i used to have a crush on from my biology class. lol. anyway, he's surprised to see me and then i find out that he has another girl friend. i'm heart broken. he doesn't know what to do and needs to go somewhere and asks if i'd like to follow, but i decline and say that he's apparently gone on with his life without me and then i see him drive off in a souped up honda civic [which i know he would never ever drive] followed by his little gf in her civic. ugh. i think i followed them for a little bit, but that's all i rememebr. all i know is that i was crushed that he could just forget me and move on. =(

damn this time of the month! i'm getting all weird now! shit. i hate these dreams. i haven't had any dreams that have scared me this much. I've been having weird dreams involving this one actress from days of our lives, but this is just getting too weird. =/

...there's the additional sadness and annoyance behind this loneliness though...

the few times we've spoken lately have centered on him. my life seems like a mere triviality on the side. it would be nice to be asked how my classes and days are going without having to ask him first and hear his long stories before he asks me one question. my answers, while only sometimes short, are most often followed by more of his stories. its nice to hear, but sometimes i want to talk too. last night i was just flipping channels and got into the "uh huh, oh cool, hahah, that's funny, oh wow, etc...." routine. something about binding books and fishing. couldnt' help it tho. bad huh. =(

i need some lovin/attention soon. =/

...i certainly ain't getting it from the students. heh

i miss my grant. he's away at camp till friday and then works that night and sat night while i work sat/sun. bah. i miss him =( its so lonely. As I was driving home todayI was thinking just how nice it would be to live with him just so we could spend time together after work, even if it was just watching tv. both of us student teaching is going to be a bit rough i think.

still...this camp thing is making me more lonely since i know that not only can i not see him but i can't even call when the want arises. that's sad. =(

Bah! I hate canker sores. and this bugger is keeping me from enjoying eating and just life in general. =( I'm going to sleep now, despite the fact that i just woke up 2 hours ago. ha.

i'm so exhausted. i don't know if i can seriously keep this up. i don't have any weekends anymore for me to rejuvenate so i'm a bit worried. i may be forced to take naps more often. but ugh! it just takes so much time out of my evenings! it sucked 3.5 hours out just tonight alone! at least its a holiday on monday, my one chance to see grant i guess. this will be the longest i haven't seen him since i moved back home. i thought it would be longer but then remembered the holiday. if it weren't for that who knows when. this semester is gonna be pretty sad and lonely i think. oh, and exhausting too! dangit.

oh yeah. so i was supposed to let you know how my first day at school, student teaching went huh.

well, let's just say that aside from my very first class making me wish i was some place else, and aside from feeling ehausted right now [and it was even a short day today!] it went alright. After that first class things definitely improved immensely, for which i'm forever grateful. But now it just makes me not look forward to teaching period 4 [note: i teach pd 4, 5, 6]. hehe. Maybe I'll play around with their seating assignments to get back at them. muahahah. i'm evil but I so love it. hehe }:-P

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my perfect gift for grant's bday is in the mail and now i find out it may not be the entire thing i wanted to get him! I'm getting him the initial D first stage, which i so hope he doesn't realize because then i'll be even more pissed off. But anyway, i find out today that my "buyer" was told by the seller that the first stage is made up of 3 dvds with 18 episodes. But I KNOW its supposed to have 26 and usually has 6 discs. WTF?

I'll be so utterly pissed and depressed and i think i'll probably sob if my suspicions are right. There goes the perfect gift that I've been planning for months. I've NEVER gotten grant a "perfect" gift and this was my ONE chance. And his birthday is in 9 days!!!!

Sorry phil, but you're trying in vain to convince me otherwise. Maybe i should've just trusted those shady online retailers afterall.

*sob*

wow. i just got a nice IM from someone who just found my site. Hi esther!! [i'm assuming that's your name since it's in your sn? haha] Random things like that always brighten my day...especially when i'm stressing to finish up this crappy as hell lesson plan [and its on an easy topic too which is driving me insane!] due to my mentor teacher tomorrow. ack! I even had to postpone watching Alias until tomorrow. Oh the horror! Why is life so unfair?!

Actually, it's all my fault as I am an idiotic procrastinator who had all of yesterday and much of this afternoon to do it. But hey, I like killing myself so oh well. *shrug* This is why i shouldn't complain but still do just so people will feel sorry for me. hahaha. but you don't do you.

Mental note: stop procrastinating you dumb f**k! hahaha

[sorry, i just woke up. i'm a bit looney at the moment]

My anthem is "I Choose", by The Offspring. I live life like there were no tomorrow, but I know when to keep my nose out of serious trouble. I may seem pretty childish to some people, and I won't deny that I am. But that's why everyone loves me. Find out what YOUR anthem is HERE!

in more detail...
You're immature as fuck, but you've got life all figured out. You only live once, so you're going to act like a complete retard until the day you die, whenever that may be. But you're still smart enough to stay out of situations when you'll be put in serious harm. Though, if you were faced by some creep waving a knife around in a dark alley, you'd probably make them laugh so hard that they'll be paralyzed, since you just have that bubbly personality. You're a pretty happy-go-lucky person, but you're not some fluffy little sugar and spice freak, thank GOD.
Some people may not be able to handle you, but that's perfectly okay. You've got plenty of people that love you for who you are, and that's enough for you. Besides, life is too short to worry about pleasing everyone. If you'll let me be all proverbial; Life is a playground, so you're gonna piss in the sandbox like any other five year old, just for shits and giggles.

so true. so true.
So what's your anthem?
[link from...my sister..of all people!! ;P]

so the test wasn't as awful as i thought but it still was pretty bad. all i can say is at least i finished and at least it was only an hour of suffering. we'll see in 6 weeks.

now i've just made myself sick off peanut cracker arare and i am pooped. it's amazing how doing nothing all day but stressing about a test and then taking it for an hour can leave you feeling so utterly drained.

maybe i'll nap now. or maybe not.

yay! there's a new mashimaro flash cartoon. it's episode 7: save the earth and it's hella funny and kinda gross and usual. i swear mashimaro is too funny. Check out the other movies if you're behind on the times. hahaha

warning: its over 3mb so it might take a little while.

grrrr....i'm bored. i don't want my vacation to end on this kind of note dangit!!!
no one is on to talk to...although sometimes i'm tempted to IM my ex. now that i'm with grant i think it's so funny that i had an online relationship. grant still can't understand it. haha. i'm beginning to wonder myself ;P

anyway, these sample problems are hard as hell. I'm so screwed!

yep. procrastinating. *sigh* i only read one example. dangit.

anyway, my best friend jhoel just emailed me and i swear she always writes the funniest shtuff.

I received your cookies the second day I got back home
from New Years. They were great! Ben's not much of a
cookie fan so I ate most of it. Ben finally had to
take them away from me because I just wouldn't stop
eating them. Those sugar cookies were great. And if
that's the only type you give me next year with extra
sugar sprinkles, I understand...you know recession and
all.
[snip]
Oh you know for bullshit classes in order to fill my 12
credits, along with my nursing classes, I have yoga and
welding. I'm really excited about Welding. I think that
it's going to be a lot of fun. Maybe I can weld my exhaust
or something.

this is the girl that got all excited about taking a cross country skiing class a year ago. and then going fishing this past summer. haha Is this what Michigan does to people?
but gosh i miss that chick

very stressed. i start teaching monday...the first day of school!! ack! I also have my math pedagogy test tomorrow and I haven't studied yet and i hear its super hard!! ack!! i don't want to pay a hundred bucks again!

hence...i will be gone for a while...hopefully. otherwise it will be just procrastinting...which it bad. pray for me please. =P

i'm up late, a very rare occurrence indeed.

anyway, i found out today that there's apparently a dim sum get together on wednesday for all the peeps who worked at summer fun. this gathering apparently doesn't include grant and i seeing as how we havent' been invited and the only way i learned about it was from my sister, who worked this past summer and is thus invited. Why is this? because we didn't work last summer? well, R didn't work and she's going. could it possibly be because the one chinese speaker who schedules the dimsum lunch is grant's ex? hmmm..let me think about this? you know, maybe that's why. or maybe its just because the last time she invited grant [without me since i was in cali] he got kind of mad at her for doing that asian thing [although i only know of chinese people who do this really. haha] called paying for it while pretending to go to the bathroom while everyone just accepted it and made no move to offer to pay their share. [how rude!]

but yeah, i find it very funny actually. Not like it matters because i can't stand this one guy anymore. he's an idiot and can't use chopsticks [i'm so prejudicial eh? but that's not really the reason]. Besides, i'm having dim sum tomorrow with the only 2 people I'd care to have dim sum with here anyway. so hmph!

i wonder if i should pull a winnie and have grant bring his digicam so i can take pics. haha. not like you people have never seen dim sum before though. ;P

dramar. dramar. my family is whack.

What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?
[link via luckykat]

ha!! i was right!! the kgb agent was syd's mom! it couldn't be the dad. He's just too bad ass to be a bad guy. =)

and dammit for will still existing. can't he just get killed or something?

last night grant and i didn't have much time to do anything seeing as how i have to sleep early. bah. But what we did was better than anything that may take hours. We got some malassadas from Champion Malasada [1926 S. Beretania St] and headed up to Tantalus to snack on them. We've come to the conclusion that those were a lot better than Leonards. Well, not ALOT per se but we liked them more. They had more substance and were more eggy. Granted, Champion doesn't have the filled ones, but the regular ones are cheaper. It was really nice just chillin on Tantalus and enjoying the lights too. A perfect evening. =)

Mental note: need to remember to bug grant to bring the camera next time. ;P

oh yeah. a tad late but oh well...

Happy New Year!

hehehe