ACK! Grant got me flowers! heehee ^_^;; I'm so smitten. He's so cute. He always knows how to make me mad and happy at the same time. ;P

Here I am at work at the front desk and this delivery guy comes with a vase of roses. Obviously it couldn't be for me since he doesn't know the address of my work. umm, imagine my shock when he said my name. heehee ^_^; He's so cute.

And now I understand the end of his email today. "Don't be mad okay... Why? I dunno. . ." haha what a cheeseball. My cute cheeseball. =)

Yum. Cheese. =)

Maybe its just me, but I think Alan Greenspan is kinda cute in a wise, old, father/grandfather sort of way. Don't you?

lol
ok, maybe I've just lost it.

urg.

This essay for my UH app is so not going well. How does one bs sufficiently and still be eloquent? So goes my dillemma. bleh.

Today in the car, while the evil and good roommate were giving each other the silent treatment after a little mishap [fight] over the car radio, I found myself wishing that I didn't get into Cal. Well, half wishing. Hoping to get rejected because I didn't know how I was ever going to afford it and how I was ever going to be away from Grant for so long, yet hoping not because its not a sure thing that I'll get into UH. ugh. I hate uncertainty. Then I realized that I had already resolved myself to not getting into Cal because of how badly I feel I did in the interviews. heh. I'm so not a good optimist.

It was so bad last night that we could see our breath in our own house. ack! I think it was actually warmer when I stepped outside this morning.

After getting our PG&E bill this past weekend, I think we're a bit afraid of turning the heater on now. I can't wait till we get our own heaters in a few days. woopie!

Poor evil roommate...turned on the heater this morning [she's THAT special] and complained that she only had like 3 hours of sleep and was shivering most of the night. *shrug* oh wells. Yep, I'm a heartless bastard. so!

"The research also confirmed that males can take the blame -- or credit -- for creating most inherited genetic mutations."

hahahaha

heh.

I work for a company that employs idiots. I mean really, why would you want to open an email attatchment called Annakournikova.jpg.vbs anyway? der. So now I'm getting like 18+ emails with the same attachment. yep, a bunch of geniuses if you ask me. hehe

erg. digitalrice is being a butt. Well, when its up I have a lovely rant on the military for you.

fucking idiots. ugh. And to think, the biggest fucker of them all, Bush, wants to increase the Pentagon's budget by $4.5 BILLION! argh!!! Yeah, maybe so they can grow some sort of intelligence in the men who serve our country.

You would think putting that money to better use, oh like say education? would be more practical. Then maybe people entering the military would be smart enough not to send idiotic emails discriminating the people whose country they're in or smart enough not to hit an innocent ship while surfacing in a sub.

DUH!
*slaps forhead*
Bunch of fucking idiots led by another fucking idiot.

The party last night was ok. I was just sooo tired. I'll never have a party on a friday night again. Coming home from work and then trying to stay up late is just exhausting, especially when a bf has drama and keeps you up late the night before. boohar.

But it was nice seeing Won and her roomies. I'm glad they came because I really did not fit into that group of people. I knew some of them, but they weren't really people I would talk to. The rest of the people were basically the evil roomie's friends. ugh. Now I REALLY didn't fit into THAT group. heh. But then the bf called and was still suffering from the same drama and I had to excuse myself.

I was really glad Won, her roomies, and Judy left soon after because then I didn't feel I had to stay up till everyone else left. I went to sleep at like 2 and people were still here. *sigh* I was just pooped. Gosh I feel so old.

I'm glad I got a lot of sleep, but I'm not feeling at ease very much right now. I'm like the worst person to come to with a problem. I never know what to say or do. ack! I can only listen...it all goes in my head and I try to give comforting words, but more often than not, people want something else. I never know what to say! So then I keep quiet and just let the person's turmoil fester in my head. And now I'm worried and not feeling too happy. Boohar. =(

Oh yeah, and tomorrow we're having a party for the good roomie's birthday. She's turning the big TWO-OH! Gosh I feel old.

So yeah, if you want to come, just hit me up with an email! See ya there!

boingy boingy.

Bored and not wanting to do the UH app essay.

blah!

See! I have proof that I'm an angel! Look at that halo!


Yep, don't I look all mysterious and sexy. You know you love me. lol *wink*

Oh yeah, and I have the meanest crick in my neck. Its like a pinched nerve and I can't bend my neck to the right at all without being paralyzed with this extreme pain. boohar

ugh. I had to go to sleep mhalf way through writing in my journal cuz of the pain. uck. Then I forget my little packet of oatmeal on the kitchen table this morning, so now I'm starving. My UH essay isn't going to well. boohar. I wonder what nice surprises I will get today.

Ack! Its a bit scary to see someone perusing my site when 1. they're from Hawaii and 2. when they spend much more than the usual 5 minutes it takes to read what I write.

Note to self: Do not get overly paranoid

ACK! Have you seen Kim Jang Hoon's HonJatMal video? Its so sad! wah!!!

So you want to move to Hawaii. Maybe you should reconsider. Think about all the things you love about where you live [no doubt you live in the US mainland...for most of you anyway]. Imagine life without Target. *gasp* Imagine it without Crate & Barrel. *shock* Imagine it without Bath & Body Works, J. Crew, Macy's, and Ikea! OH NO! Yep, if you can image life without these things [and much much more!] then you have successfully imagined what life in the islands is like. Just take a look at what all the locals miss. I admit, I have no idea how I ever made it through life there without In-n-Out. hehe

So this is how it usually goes:

My mom makes some outrageous decision which usually makes my life a living hell. Then I whine and bitch and try to convince her how unfair and unreasonable she's being. One day later she changes her mind and gives some wise advice which is usually pretty good.

Which makes me wonder: why can't we just skip all the crap and bs the first 24 hours and fast forward to the end so I can keep living a reasonably sane and stable life? eesh

aw fuck me. ok...maybe not. But dammit. The evil roommate is now taking a shower. I should've run into the bathroom before she got a chance. And now I'm all sticky and sweaty from working out [i pumped iron baby! lol] and by the time the evil biyotch is done there will probably be no more hot water left. She takes like 30 minute showers!!! ack!

Boohar!!!!!

Wow, blogger is actually letting me in now. dumb piece of sh...

Anyway, I'm sooper pissed right now. I've been avoiding my mom's emails for the last week or so just because I'm sick of hearing how she constantly screws up her life. Now? Now she wants to extend that fucked-up-ness to my life. She tells me that she's "retired" now (she just quit her last job because of a bad coworker...its always the excuse) and so now she's going to rent out my bedroom for $400/mo.

WTF?!

First of all, I don't know who would want to live in that crappy ass house to begin with, let alone pay 400! Plus she blatently told me that even if I don't get into Cal, that I am to stay up here and just work for a living. Fuck no! I came up here for a reason and if I'm not going to get it accomplished here, there's no fucking reason why I won't get it done else where (ie home). ERRR!!!

So I tell her Fine, if you're going to rent it out go ahead. But just to let you know I'm probably not getting into Cal which means that I'll be going back home whether I have a room or not. I want to make it clear that the bed is MINE and you better not throw away any of my shit. Pack it up. If you want, I'll probably be back in April for a few days and I'll pack it up myself. Seeing as how you'll have rented it out by the time school starts, I'll have to find another place to stay so if you hear of anyone renting out a place, let me know. That'll just mean that I'll have to take out a larger loan to pay off school AND housing now. Thanks alot.

What does she do? She replies and tells me that if I'm going to come back that I can rent the room for 450 including all utilities. WTF? Sure I guess I should be grateful that she's giving me the opportunity to live at home, but for what? I get to pay to live at home with my parents' rules and overbearing attitudes? Fuck that! But watch..JUST WATCH! I just know that she's going to throw all my shit away. Like wtf? She's just like that. No respect for anything that's mine. She berates me when the opportunity presents itself and takes credit for my successes when she brags to relatives and friends. erk.

I laugh no one calls. Why would they? The room is small, its all the way in the back of the house with no separate entry, they'll have to share a bathroom, kitchen, everything. Grant goes "what is she going to do, impose a curfew on them too?" Obviously she'll have to reveal the alarm code. I just wonder how much my mom has actually thought this through. Now if it was a separate room with everything of its own, that would be a different story.

And if she lets some stranger sleep in my bed I swear there will be hell to pay. Oh yes...she better watch her fucking back. >.<

Boohar.

I want dimsum
I want dimsum NOW!!

I want to be able to drive wherever I damn well please.
And I want to be able to do it blasting my music with my car vibrating as I go to pick up some dim sum.
Fuck.
ERRRRRRRRRR!

oh yeah...and since i'm at home...please someone IM me! MARBHURD. I'd love to chat. heehee.

/me is bored

So I called in sick today. Yep, I'm at home...not by choice mind you. I'd much rather save my sick and personal days for another time when I'd love to play hookie.

Why am I home? Well, let me tell you a little story. I would consider it hilarious if it weren't for the worry and pain of it all.

Last night while preparing dinner I squatted to get a ziploc bag but I never made it all the way down. I ended up sitting on the corner of the cabinet door under the sink...and I hit it full force. [the door apparently wasn't closed properly cuz our cabinets suck shit] Dood! That was a painful experience. I can comiserate with all you guys who've gotten hit in the nads at one point or another. [heh..all men?] It reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally hurt! Then I found out I was bleeding when I checked it out. Yep...not a good thing. How does one put on a bandaid? Not gonna happen. Last night I checked more carefully and found a large cut...very large. I cried myself to sleep with worry. Not a good thing to go through when away from home and away from a doctor you've come to trust. At least I finally got my medical insurance member number 2 days ago [after 5 months of employment!! still waiting on the dental tho. heh] So I got my appt this afternoon. *worried*

Moral of the story? Don't go squatting without looking behind you and never EVER sit on a cabinet door corner.

boohar

and yes, i'm sure this was just something you all wanted to know huh. heh

Erg. I don't know whether I feel hungry or nauseous. Bleh. I don't like this feeling. =/

Woohoo! I saw Cute Bart Guy #2 at the gym today! Err..well, I wasn't THAT happy about it seeing as how I was with the trainer and I felt like a complete dork because she was showing me how to properly work the weights and all. heh. woopie

I tell ya...I really do have the crap jobs around here. I mean, here I am, doing my tedious reformatting of documents in Word when the IT person tells me to do it her way. So I start ALL OVER. Then well into the job she comes around and goes "I hope I caught you in time, the boss wants it this way" which is exactly the way I was doing it before. Eesh >.<

Finished Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets (#2) this evening. Yep. 2 days like the first one. I've started #3, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban, already. Its hard to just let the book sit there when I have this urge to find out what happens next. Then again, with each successive book getting longer and longer, its probably best that my eyes are getting too tired to keep reading for the rest of tonight.

Jal ja!

Ugh.

This. Day. Is. Dragging.

I. Am. So. Tired.

Boo. Har.

I am *hot* hehe. Okay, maybe not. But damn I feel good. Nothing like sweating like mad to look beeeyootipul. And the best part is the hot steaming shower afterwards to clense you of that salty taste.

Yeah, its just a matter of time until you all can't resist me.

muahaha *evil laugh*
;P

Scary. I actually woke up feeling a bit warm. Our house was NOT freezing as usual, and I apparently took off my sweatshirt sometime during the night possibly because I was hot? Egads! What a horrid thought! ha!

YAY! dinner was especially yummy. I was extremely proud. *beam*

boohar. woe is me. I don't think my interviews went very well. >.< My second one threw me into a funk. The guy just looked like he was scrounging for questions to ask me because our conversation just didn't want to click. The last girl I talked to had him last and she commented on how she didn't really have any questions and they were chatting it up. And the fact that I didn't send in a letter of rec concerning my work with kids [it was a really bad letter if you ask me - bad as in, mainly being a future employment type of rec.] didn't help any. doh! *shaking head* Maybe I won't have to worry about what decision to make after all. =/

<rant>
Why the fuck does the evil roommate complain about the cold when her room is at least 5 or 7 degrees warmer than either mine or the good roomie's?! She gets the biggest fucking room with the door RIGHT NEXT TO the heater AND she leaves her light on when she's in the shower. What ever happened to conservation?! And for all this she gets to pay a mere $40 more than me and I have the smallest AND coldest room?!
Where's the justice?!
</rant>

BRRHAR! Its so fucking cold right now I can't even think. How am I supposed to mentally prepare myself for my interviews tomorrow? We have resolved not to turn the heater on until at least 9pm every night..but even that, I fear, is going to put us in the poor house. The news said that natural gas prices are up 60% from last MONTH. aiyah. I am afeared greatly. So yes, this is what I have succumbed too. The frigid cold [i am in bed while online! haha]...and the evil roommate's loud ass phone conversation [does she not know how to talk at a normal tone of voice?].

Oooh! Its 9 o'clock! Time for warmth! hmm..warmth? What's that?

oops...I totally forgot that I still need to get running shoes. hah! That might help don't you think? I swear...sometimes I don't know where my mind is. ;P

*proud*
You are now looking at...er...reading the newest member of 24 Hour Fitness. Yep. Me and the good roomie are a "couple" to get the better rate. lol. I AM going to exercise and eliminate the pudgy parts of my body gosh dammit!

But it was funny...me and the good roommate started talking about being able to eat Krispy Kreme donuts and the "fitness consultant" just about went crazy. She definitely was in dire need of a sugar fix. haha. She even kept stopping in her explanations to think about Krispy Kreme donuts now that she knew there was one in Union City. haha. Crazy I tell ya.

I think this is going to be fun. =P

heh. I aparently don't know how to spell attraCtion. Twice! I misspelled it TWICE in the same sentence! egads. *shame*

yeah...doesn't the newest journal entry make you sick? teehee *beam*

good thing the good roomie doesn't read this...otherwise we'd have a puke fest goin on right about now. hehe. she's so bitter ;P

ErRrRrRrRrRrRrRrRrR!!!!

Being stuck in the middle of shit at work is so frustrating. So and so1 calls to check up on this...So and so2 is in dnd mode so I must run to the other end of the building to ask what's up with soandso1's shit. Deadlines pass...pres and vp are out for at least a week. Nothing I can do foo. So who gets the stress? me. Oh, and soandso1 of course. bleh. What hideous lives we lead indeed. I can't wait till school starts and I get out of this hellish nightmare.

[did that make any sense?]

Today is my baby's birthday. He's "a quarter of a century old" haha. He loved it when I stated it that way. ;P But its funny...even though its HIS bday, i'm sooper happy as if it were mine. Grant is the rock that keeps me grounded and I just hope that we have many more birthdays to celebrate together. Now if only we could actually be together when those birthday come around. hehe

Lactose intolerance strikes again. ughugh. why? Why? WHY?!

bleh. is it time to go home yet? *pout*

aww shit. Its probably that time of the month or something because I'm going through so pretty shitty mood swings right now. First I'm happy, then I'm irked, now I'm on the verge of tears. Not now gosh dammit! I need to go home. I hate work. =(

boohar. I feel ucky. My head is pounding and I just want to go home. =( Maybe its all this thinking. Thinking never does any good. I don't recommend it. heh

oops. i accidentally woke up the good roomie when i was on the phone with grant. heehee. I hope she doesn't despise me now. ;P

Saw snatch last night. Just came back from doing laundry (yay!). Going to Zachary's for "the best" pizza according to the good roomie. Things weighing heavily right now. Update soon I hope. =/

I've decided to add more of my journal entries from Korea 1.5 years ago. Why the hell do I want to do that? I dunno. 1. I'm bored [obviously] and 2. I think the ones I've put up already are lame and boring. Its only after where I left off where I start living a little and have fun. heh. so yeah. Let's see if I can actually do it. I'm soo glad I kept a daily journal. I kinda wish I did it since I got up here. Time seems to be flying by so quickly I almost had a panic attack on BART tonight. lol

...oh yeah...and from now on I won't edit things out like I have been. HA!

ERRRRRRRR >.<

The evil coworker [what is with all the evilness in my world?] is pissing me off. No one likes her cuz she's so annoying. I mean, who the hell gets upset over UPS supplies?! So they're running low, so no one told her, so the world doesn't revolve around her. shit. Get over it and get down from your self absorbed pedestal. Why me?

ok...nevermind. We got lazy and just ended up chatting in the hallway next to the warm heater. ahh...heat. We also talked shit about Anna...hehe...now THAT was worth not going to some dumb party ;P

Interesting. Looks like I'm going to some frat party in a little bit. hmm...I wonder what lies I'm going to be telling tonight. lol

What? I'm just going to try passing as a Cal student. sheesh. You people have no faith in me, do you. >;P hahha

erg. Just found I can't log into my digitalrice ftp and email. oh well...don't have much for an update anyway. heeeheee.

The good roommate is out at practice and now the evil one just left "for a couple of hours." YES! There IS a God@ ;P

Yay! Time to go shopping for my baby's birthday. ^_^ Happie. And maybe I'll get a watch too. heehee ;P

My biggest pet peeve at the moment? The way the receptionist calls me up and just says "breaaaaak." Yep, no doubt about it. No polite formalities, no "Hi...," no "can you relieve me for my break now?" Nothing. Fucking pisses me off gosh dammit. What do you think...should I kill her? hehe ;P

I finished Harry Potter #1! I am very much bummed at the fact that we won't be visiting Costco for another TWO WEEKS! Egads that's a long time. It was a really good book, and next time I know to get the rest of the collection in one fell swoop. I can't wait! ^_^ That Harry Potter, what a character. Makes me wish I could fly on a broom. hehe.

In the mean time I'm bemoaning the fact that California was dumb enough to deregulate energy a few years back and now we have to pay the price for the greedy fucks out there that like making us suffer. erk. Makes me want to move back to Hawaii...don't have to worry about any of this...well, except for the fact that Hawaii depends on the importation of crude oil. heh. Hawaii live without crude oil? As if! But hey, at least they know that if they don't have the crude oil, then they'll just have to live without it. None of this running around like headless chickens kinda shit.

So now I shiver...WATCHLESS no less...with the only book for me to read being "The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I think some one likes making me suffer. The only reason I haven't thrown the book out yet is because Tammy's dad gave it to me for Christmas so I feel somewhat obligated to read it. I should after all, to make up for all the book presents I ignored when I was a child. heh.

And of course, to add further salt to my wounds, Old Navy is selling a bunch of "Warm weather" clothing "for under $20!" Fuck. One, I can't go shopping anymore [ie saving money = resolution] and Two, how the FUCK am I going to use a pair of shorts or a piped tankini top in THIS freezing weather? >.<

dudidu. Such a boring day. Why has it seemed so much colder lately? I hate the cold. Forget ever trying to get used to it. And my lips are extremely dry now. boohar. I don't like it and I don't like chapstick. erk.

But at least sending and receiving messages in the morning from Grant makes it all seem better. Now if only I actually had him here to say all the things I wanted. Just 2 months and 6 days. ^_^

BOOHAR! Yes, I'm still depressed over my watch. The good roomie says to get over it. Well, I like being over dramatic. hmph.

We have my first watch that got worn out after a year and wouldn't stay on anymore:


And then we have the 2nd watch the bf#1 gave me which I lost after 14 months of wear:

[this but not the men's and without the date. heh]

yes, boohar indeed. Okay, now I'm over it. I just have to find me another fossil. I love fossil! ^_^ Ok, time to watch Dark Angel. Its the first time I've remembered to watch since the first episode!

Not gonna update tonight much. I have a headache. I've spent all day looking at a computer screen. Actually, I think its because I got really dizzy and disorientated earlier today from constantly going back and forth between the files and the spreadsheet. I have problems focusing quickly sometimes. erk. At one point I just couldn't go on and had to walk around the office a bit. I also find that I like squating [you know, that "kimchee squat"] whenever I wear my boots. hehe. Its so comfortable and it made me feel better. Of course, I only do this when I know the VP isn't going to walk by my cube...or whenever I'm in the file room. heehee.

Welps, its official. I got the emails, I called, and I am now scheduled for interviews at Cal in ten days. eek Four different one on one sessions. I am afeared, but this should provide me a chance to work my charm. lol WHAT CHARM? Oh shit, I'm doomed. woop

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I should've just come in to work late. Instead, I rush out of the house, run part of the way to the BART station, and find that the watch I had put in my pocket is gone. Fuck fuck fuck. I should've walked back the last block or so to check but I have this thing about being late. Ah shit. Its not like I have to clock in everyday. eesh. And now...now I'm watchless and at work. Could my life get any more depressing. >.<

Am I the only one who likes BSB's new song "The Call?" Sure the subject matter is retarded but I like the beat. hehe. Of course, this is coming from someone who loves BSB, Nsync, and Britney. Woop

Ok, is it just me or is the whole SurvivorBlog2 just a bit too overwhelming right now? No offense to anyone, but the enormous amount of posts in less than a day is almost enough to turn me off the thing for good. haha. Note I said "almost." I have to satiate my voyeuristic tendencies somehow right? ;P

Ah, Waimea Bay, my favorite beach anywhere. If you're ever on Oahu, you MUST go here...during the summer to swim, or during the winter to surf [or just watch]. Its just the best. ^_^

Wow...I didn't even write anything yesterday. I hardly touched my computer too. Now I see there IS lfe away from the computer. lol. jk.

Anyway, I cleaned up the house finally. The roommates are returning tonight. Eek. Well, only half eek. I hope the good roommate gets here first. heehee. Oh! and I also rearranged my room. Yep. its looking nice now. ^_^ woop!

WHEW! I thankfully overted that disaster. I'm breathing a little easier now. *cough*cough*hack* Well...figuratively speaking anyway. heh.

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! DAMMIT! You forget to record 2 little transactions in your checkbook and you end up praying that the evil roommate doesn't cash the two checks you wrote her over a month ago. Please God Please God.

Either that, or you hope your direct deposit goes through in the next few hours. PUHLEEEEEASE!!!!

This is what I've just learned:

I use just one roll of TP for about every 2.5 weeks [assuming I go to work regularly and I don't have too much dairy]

I just finished the rolll I put in on Christmas night! >o.O< And NO, I did not try to be frugal with my usage either. Gross.

I'm sneezing like crazy and its driving me insane! Aiyah~! Someone help me...please! And my teeth are starting to hurt. boohar.

I don't handle crticism well. No matter how much a loved one sugar coats it and no matter how much they say its not a lecture it still hurts. I hate hearing the truth when it hurts. I always end up in tears. And tomorrow I'll have puffy eyes. Boohar

[still on my little spiel about identity...]

What is it about "mixed" chicks that some people find so exotic, so cute, so beautiful? Bleh, I say. I could never understand why certain guys online would tell me, "Oh you're hapa...you must be cute." psht. Yeah right.

I recall my cousin once wrote a little essay on how most hapa people are gorgeous, especially half Japanese ones. ALL half Japanese people are practically perfect. Have you ever seen one who wasn't? However, not all half Koreans are all that. Some are, but not all. Maybe my cousin was just going through a time of low self-esteem, but I truely felt and understood what she was saying. I didn't feel pretty or cute in the least. I actually felt ugly. Being hapa did not make me feel any more special than being the class geek. If anything, I felt like less of a person because of it.

Yes, I admit it. I was ashamed of being half-Korean. I wasn't ashamed of the Korean part...but I was ashamed of not being totally pure. I thought I could never hope to one day find myself totally accepted and enmeshed in any sort of Korean way of life. Being 4th generation didn't help matters either. I just felt inferior...and I tried desperately to grasp onto any bit that I could. Even though I never grew up with the Korean language, I made sure to excel in my language classes in college. Sure I couldn't fully conversate with people who did have the language background at home, but damn...I could always correct their grammar and spelling whenever the occasion arose. It made my shortcomings seem less. And I started to feel a little more accepted.

It was only after joining KSA that I found other halfies...ones that were happy and fully accepted...that my feelings towards myself began to change. I don't think of myself as ugly anymore. My "non-purity" still bothers me at times, but its ok. I'm coping. Sometimes I even start believing all the hype about hapa chicks. Grant sometimes tells me things like "I told so-and-so you were hapa and they said 'oh, she must be pretty.' and then I say 'yeah, she is.'" I just have to smile. Sometimes its hard to accept that someone could think of me as cute, that Grant loves me just the way I am, but it makes me happy because I know he would only tell me things he thought were true.

There is no real point to all of this rambling. I just needed to get it off my chest, to clear my mind, and to record my feelings during this time. Hopefully this is the last of this long introspection. I think next time I'll try talking about something like how the weather here is so fucking cold that that alone may make me decide to go back home. lol. Okay, maybe not, but that's what I always thing when I walk to the Bart station every fucking morning. hehe. Let the tirade begin. ;P

That night, and this night, are like tiny tiles in the huge, multicolored mosaic of life. They're like fleeting shadows of a dream. I look out my window and see the reality: This life is like the dense fog that swirls around my deck in the morning--it looks real and solid, it takes on forms and shape. But when the sun warms it enough it vanishes without a trace.

Maybe this life is like that. Maybe this pain is like that. Fears and hopes and dreams and sorrows all will dissolve like the fog that they are, and what will be left is the light and warmth of my deepest self or soul or whatever it might be.

I want true love in this life, and true contentment and peace. But maybe the only way I can find those things is to let go of the belief that this life is my reality.
-Ten Thousand Sorrows
by Elizabeth Kim
(thanks Dave, for the best present I received this year)

When surfing through journals at work, one must be very very careful. Not in trying to avoid being caught surfing, but in accidentally pressing the print button while viewing certain journals. hehe. oops ;P

This is how mornings SHOULD be.

I woke with my radio alarm clock and KMEL wasn't playing the ultra ghetto music that normally makes me turn it off, so I lay there listening to a few songs until an ultra ghetto song saying something about shaking your ass came on. It was weird though how I was just lying there..AWAKE...and not trying to get back to sleep. The only thing keeping me in bed was the warmth but then I decided it was time to shower.

I didn't fall asleep in the shower either. I just enjoyed the hot water and then it was time to get out. I got dressed...slowly...puting one article of clothing on at 2 minute intervals. I just absorbed the warmth of my bed in the down time.

I amazingly finished prepping myself early and was out of my room with 15 minutes to spare so I made myself some oatmeal. mmm so warm. That was really nice. I then took my multivitamin for the first time in the morning [normally i do it after dinner...if I remember. ;P] and packed some drugs in my purse. I took the large box of recycling out the door with me exactly on time and I was on my way.

But you would think that with my clear-headed-ness everything would be perfect, but I inadvertantly forgot my watch. Oh poo. Well, an almost perfect morning. I'm soo not tired now and I only had 6 hours of sleep! woopie! I chock it all up to the drugs I took last night though. You can never go wrong with over the counter 12 hour cold medicine. Drugs are wonderful. ;P

OH yeah! I have drugs in my cabinet! Doh! I can finally rest comfortably now. dammit.

Aww yeah *achoo* I finally ironed. Its amazing what a difference a little heat makes. ;P Only now...I'm sneezing like mad. *sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiff* Its amazing how much a nose can leak. haha Okay, I'll refrain from grossing you out. nite nite

I almost bought another pair of satin boot cut pants from Gap today. It was on sale and it was the LAST one in my size! When do you EVER find anything at GAP on sale and in your size these days? sheesh. But I had to resist. I bought a scarf instead. ^_^ *grin*

I have this mysterious credit from oldnavy online. I have no idea what its for, but hell, I'm not complaining. heehee.

Erg. My nose is just a leaky faucet. Drip Drip Drip. >.< *sniiiiiiiiff*

Ah fuck. Not a good way to start off the week.

There must've been some sort of alien bacteria and germs in the gunk I cleaned last night because afterwards I was feeling stuffed up. I thought it was just the clorox but now I'm all congested and I feel like shit.

Add onto that the fact that I didn't want to get out of bed, so I had to rush out of the house without breakfast. I started feeling faint as we approached Embarcadero station and due to 2 trains in front of us, we had to wait. There was no way I was going to embarrass myself and cause more delays on BART by collapsing right then and there so I gave in and sat on the floor. Wearing this fucking turtleneck was making me feel all clostraphobic too. Not good. Fortunately, I got to work unscathed and promptly prepared and ate the instant oatmeal I had in my bag (hehe, i always come prepared).

Now if only I could kick this fucking cold. argh!

Finally! I'm done with the kitchen. Or well, at least the fucking floor. And that's all that matters. It took me like an hour! I even cleaned between the counters and the oven. I think there was at least 5 years of grease and muck in there. YUCKIE!!!!!!!!

The Practice is such a cool show. Dylan McDermott is so hot. heehee =)

I still haven't cleaned the kitchen yet. I'm dreading it. Its the one job that none of us likes doing. Even the bathroom is looked upon as better than the kitchen. But unfortunately its my turn. The other two did their jobs before they left and I promised to have the kitchen spotless by the time they return. This was my last weekend. Oops. heh. I sooooooooo don't want to do it. *whine*

I'm baking chocolate chip cookies right now. Don't have any baking soda so the cookies aren't browning right. boohar. but mmm so yummy.

I HAD to bake these because my milk expires soon. I can't drink milk unless its with cookies so...=)

Okay, so I tried to make it look okay for 800x600 but then it looks pretty crappy when maximized in anything higher. So all of you with higher than that, don't maximize. hahaha. I don't know why I did it that way, I myself have1152x864. lol Yeah, I'm a retard.

Moved the Journal to bhurdie.digitalrice.com. Like it? Let me know. please?

damn. I guess the CBEST wasn't as easy as I had thought. I still passed though, but erk my scores look really crappy. Well, I'll just blame it on the horrible testing environment that I was subjected to. um yeah, that's it. heh. Fucking cold I tell you. How was I supposed to concentrate? sheesh! lol

I slept sooo much yesterday and now I feel so refreshed. I should probably go out and enjoy the sunshine, but instead I'm on the computer. Go figure. I'm planning a move of my journal and stuff [sorry] probably to digitalrice.com. I'm still looking around though. I don't like these new colors so I also decided on a new design. big whoop. Okie...hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. I know I am. =P

Wow. I just slept 6 hours. Damn I was tired. I wonder if I should try going back to sleep now. hmm...

/me is poop-ed. sooo tired. I'm going to be a homebody this weekend. Funny how I complain about having nothing exciting in my life and then I adamantly turn down Min's offer to go to the Limelight. har

ta da!

ooh. and I even flossed tonight. Much accomplishments, no? ;P

Woohyuk tv love. lol the boy's hair is so funky! ;P HOT pighting! lol

"I want to be rock & roll and look fuckable in cow hyde." Sun is so cool. =)

errrrrrrrrrrrrr. i hate blogger

Aish. Every time I plan to write in my journal, Lester always keeps me from writing. He came over tonight and cooked dinner. Then Grant called and I was preoccupied for a while. Then Lester finally left once Leno came on. Oh wells, better than just moping around the house by myself. Thanks Lester..it was yummy. ^_^

Actually, I take that back.

If I were back home I'd have afternoon tea at the Pineapple Room AND have a romantic dinner with Grant at Alan Wong's Restaurant.

*sigh* If I were back home, I would go have afternoon tea at Alan Wong's Pineapple Room.

Everyday friggen day:
-wake up at 6
-shower
-go back to sleep for about 20 more minutes in my nice warm bed while listening to the Woody show on 95.7
-hurridly dress [its freakin cold!]
-kitchen..pack lunch/breakfast
-out the door by 7:20
-speed walk 10-15 min. to Ashby Bart
-25 min ride on SF Colma Bart [spend half of it staring at CBG1, 2 & 3 ;P]
-off at Montgomery
-at work by 815
-log on, check email, surf the journals
-start doing actual work at 9
-work, work, blah, blah
-leave by 5
-bart...walk...home before 6.
-veg
-sleep

bleh. I need more excitement in my life. boohar

Ok, as of today Cute BART Guy#2 becomes CBG#1. Also, there are now Cute Bart Guys 2 & 3, although #3 isn't THAT cute, but he has potential. hehe. Yep, lucky me. They all ride on one end of the car and all get off at Embarcadero. heehee ^_^

You know what I just remembered? How Korean families celebrate New Year's with Se Bae [new year's bowing] and Se Baet Don [new year's money given mostly to the younger kids for bowing]. Oh how I felt soooooo robbed when I first learned about that tradition in my 4th semester of Korean. I mean, sure, who really cares about the bowing and showing respect, but if its for money I would do it! Dang Americanized family. haha.

Something I've learned over the past year: Nothing is really as bad as it first seems. Yes, you may want to stress and cry and bitch and whine and go on a muderous rampage when you first find out your bad, stressful, or worrisome news, but don't. Don't because when you wake up the next morning or a few days later, you will see how foolish you were for creating a big ordeal out of nothing. This is what I've learned and now I'm passing on this important peice of information to you. Use it wisely my children. ;P

aigoo...bad news for my sweetie at the beginning of his year. He apparently misunderstood the terms of his cell plan. We await the hideousness of the first bill. Poor thing is stressing too much especially with all the bills this upcoming month. I worry. What to doing. =/

I got chills they're multiplying
And I'm losing control
Cause the power you're supplying
It's Electrifying!

You better shape up cause I need a man
And my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand
To my heart I must be true

You're the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want( You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

If you're filled with affection
You're too shy to convey
Meditate in my direction
Feel your way

I better shape up, cause you need a man (I need a man)
Who can keep me satisfied
I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove (you better prove)
That my faith is justified
Are you sure? Yes I'm sure down deep inside

You're the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want (You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed
-from the movie Grease
heehee

I'm starting to get melancholy now. I don't know why. Maybe its because Grant didn't call at his turning of the new year. Maybe its because I'm listening to these songs that I used to drown my sorrows in earlier this year. Maybe its because I spent these holidays relatively alone. Or maybe its just because I'm tired. I should sleep now. jal ja!

My first post of the new year. Whee!