I'm alive and trying to do homework. bah. I think I'm still in vacation mode. Not a good thing.

Okay..back to toiling away. laters...

Dammit. I hate feeling bitter and irratated and all this negative shit.

Tonight my mom decided to give away all her jewlery. First it was going to my aunt. Then I protested and so I was to take what I wanted. But being the goddamn fair person I am, I opted to wait for my sister and then we'd split it. Well, even though I got the nicest one of it all, I'm still super bitter because I wasn't aggressive enough and my sister ended up with all the nice shit. She has a majority of it all and now I'm so very bitter at it all.

I'm so bitter and mad at myself not only because I feel cheated and jipped but also because I know I shouldn't be this materialistic over such stupid things.

ARGH!!!

Besides the lingering Starbucks craving, I also have this great need to go travelling again. Not just travelling though, I reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaally want to travel on a plane with someone I know, preferrably Grant. There's nothing like killing those 5+ hours with someone else. It sure as hell beats flying solo. That's the worst. So my sole reason for wanting to travel is because of the company. Go figure.

damn. it's pretty dang scary when you find a blog that belongs to your high school friend's younger sister. it's especially scary when you only remember that girl as a young, small, kinda chubby [but still cute!] kid and now you see her as this pretty high schooller that acts just like how you'd expect a high schooller to.

I feel old now. >O.o<

I suddenly have this huge craving for some starbucks. Say some white mocha? I'd even be happy with some steamed milk with a shot of vanilla. ooh. Or maybe a caramel frappuccino.

Dammit! I need to get out!!!

I'm going through a royal fix right now. It must be because of Princess Diana's death anniversary...

Did you know that Schlesweig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha is genealogically the royal family's last name but the Queen gave a decree some years ago saying that it would be Windsor for royals with title from then on. Those without title would take on the name Mountbatten-Windsor.

That's so cool.

Oh! And I think that Prince William is like the ONLY white guy I find extremely attractive. He's a cutie. ^_^

...damn. I just found out that the princes can't marry anyone who's Roman Catholic but protestant, non-divorced Americans are technically okay. Maybe I should consider converting. hahaha

Being that time of the month [yes, I'm so sure all of you need to know that] I am quite bitter at what I have to go through. Dammit. Why can't men have the menstral cramps, the messy bleeding, and the worry of leaking and staining? But I am straying from the topic I wanted to discuss...

Why do some people feel the need to still have sex while the woman is on her rags? Does this not gross anyone out? I mean, it's hard enough to feel sexy and "in the mood" when cramps are making me feel like crap, but to have sex and put up with the nasty funk odor and mess?

Okay, I can sorta understand that maybe there's just no other time but the present that you can do the funky funky but uhh...if push comes to shove...I ain't gonna do it. Blech. This would be a good place to perform a little oral stimulation instead [for the guy of course!!]. My thinking is, if both of us can't be satisfied, at least one of us should.

In the end, it just really comes down to the gross factor for me. A little blood, maybe at the waaaaaaay end of a cycle, is manageable, but not a lot because you still have to deal with the smell. As a guy friend of mine stated, "it smells like bloody fish." I'm sure you didn't need to have that graphic visual put into your head, but at least now you can gauge the level of grossness that I feel this act attains. *shudder* So please...don't do it!!

Oh yes, another interesting thing happened today:

My math methods professor called me, and, after my mom finished yelling at me before handing me the phone, he asked me if I wanted to teach the math class which I was supposed to be observing this semester. Apparently the teacher I was to be paired with just found out her husband has leukemia. It's so sad. I'd gladly do it, but I honestly feel I'm not ready to teach, especially without ever observing a single math class. Wish I could help. Now I wonder which school I'll be placed at.

So here's the deal:

For every time I bite my nails, I owe a quarter to the piggy bank. Once that piggy bank reaches $3.50 [enough for a value meal] Grant is going to take me to McDonalds, will make me order the meal for him, and will make me watch him eat every last bite as we sit inside that McDs. This punishment goes against everything I believe in so hopefully it'll help me break the habit. If not, I won't be able to kiss him for days! At least he didn't stick with the original plan of forcing me to eat McDs. Oh the horror!

And yes, this deal was sealed with a kiss. hehehe ^_^

Grant is so cute. He came over today after his observation at the elementary school and brought lunch. Then we were chatting for a bit but I knew he was tired so I made him nap. Grant snores a little! hehehe. It's the cutest thing, especially when he wakes up occasionally and notices I'm watching him sleep. Then I caved in and napped for an hour with him. Napping is very nice, especially when it's with someone you love. ^_^;

Happie birsdays to many people out there. I know I'm gonna forget someone since I'm being really bad with my memory these days...

Tammy, Cyn, JP, Jay, and umm...I know there are probably tons more that have either long passed or I just plain forgot. That and I kinda feel weird about wishing people a happy birthday when I have never contacted them before and I only know OF them through their website. Am I just being weird?

But yeah, if I've not mentioned you, I'm sorry. *sticking out hand and waiting for a smack* =) Hope you all have great bdays!

Blackouts suck. Especially when they only allow you back online RIGHT AFTER the only person who can make your dreary day seem not so bad signs off.

dammit. I'm going to sleep. damn this humidity!

So how was my first day back to UH? Pretty shitty if you ask me. The parking security people were being shitheads and closed the parking structure off to everyone who did not have a parking pass. Dammitalltohell! It doesn't help that I was supposed to get my pass from my friend today [ended up not tho since she works in the food office and they were bogged down today so she had no time to get it]. I ended up searching for parking for at least an hour [in the middle of the day!!!!] and finally nabbed the last free spot in the public lot near Varsity theater. Shitheads - every single one of them. When I was talking to one of the guards there was even this other lady saying she was a teacher in the nursing school and they still wouldn't let her in. Even the teachers were getting screwed! I swear I was so pissed, especially since I was wearing pretty uncomfortable sandals [since i came from the burial, which was short and kind of awkward. my mom irked me again with her negative comments yet again, but that's a whole nother story] and I had to walk all the way to the admin building. It didn't help that a light rain had just fallen creating the utmost horrid humidity in conjunction with the hot asphalt and concrete around me. grrrr! I was so sweaty by the time I got to admissions & records.

But the good news is that I now have resident tuition! yay! I got the tax clearance today in town [and after all the shit i went through they now told me they HAD my refiled return dammit] and I finally got my residency settled. WOOHOO! Later, after my Ed foundations class I tried to fix my financial aid but the lady basically told me that I had to go back tomorrow to meet with an advisor since it was too late today. I waited in that gotdamn line for at least 30 minutes!!! SHIT!!!!!! I swear, I feel like I'm a freshman again! Nevermind the fact that I've already got my BA and I'm a grad student, I'm classified as a "new student" and as such I get treated like a stupid freshman with no priority whatsoever. dammit!

At least my classes were OKAY. The ed foundations course is severely over enrolled and some people just need to get the hell out. I would switch to the night class, but with my etec class I just can't anymore. boohoo. I also had my Special Ed class this evening and it seems like it'll be interesting. Our teacher is all about efficiency and has streamlined all the "housekeeping." I like it. And the good thing about the classes I had today? Well, all of my classes for that matter...is that they all only meet once a week! So these monday classes get hit with 2 holidays this semester. Next monday [woohoo!] and Veteran's Day in November [poor Cal doesn't get that day. hah! its one thing to make me happie ;P]. We'll see how my math class goes tomorrow.

Now i'm off to soak my blistering feet. *sob*

I think school starting tomorrow is taking its toll on my sanity. It's not the actually school work, but the fact that my schedule and his schedule won't really allow much time anymore. That sucks to the nth degree where n goes to infinity. I won't see him till Friday for sure and Wednesday night maybe. It doesn't help that I'm already really disappointed from not being able to go to the car show. I don't know why I let these little, stupid things get to me.

Tomorrow is the burial then class from 1-7. Hopefully I'll be able to fit in a trip to the tax office somewhere in between.

I'm also starting to wonder how much longer I can do this whole journal thing the way I do. I'll be a teacher soon and if students were to somehow find me, well, it wouldn't be too good for my professional career now would it? Needless to say, I'm very much reevaluating things. =/

I'm still alive and kicking for those of you wondering. I've just been a little busy and lazy the last few days or so. It's like, with less than one week of summer left, I'm busy all of a sudden. What's up with that? But ummm..I still owe people emails. Do not fear, I will write back! Hmm, I think that is more of a bad threat than a good promise. haha.

I now have a huge urge to go to Old Navy now so off I go to Ala Moana [the Pearl Highlands one is so ghetto now!]. wheeeeeeee!

Last night/this morning I woke up crying from a bad dream. From what I can remember, I just got frustrated from not being able to get these four annoying white guys out of my house. I guess you could call them unwanted house guests who just barged in and made themselves at home. I remember trying to physically pull one out the door and I was so weak all I did was stretch the guys shirt without budging him. I was so frustrated I was yelling at them and I just wanted them out of my house. I didn't know them and I felt so helpless. They just didn't give a shit. So then I broke down and cried and that's when I woke up. It was a very disconcerted feeling and I hate feeling like that. I still can't believe I woke up crying heavily though; it was the first time ever.

Then I went back to sleep, and woke up after having another dream dealing with a chinese dragon dance. I think there was a white couple in the dragon and after so long the front/head person would be removed and the next person would take over the head. I kept wondering if these white people would know how when it came to their turn.

Please don't think I have anything against white people. This was just a dream. As for the first one, I just hate rude people in general. I hate bad dreams.

Went hiking up Diamond Head yesterday with my friend Julie and her bf Jonathan, who were in town visiting. I am now slightly burnt, but my face has a nice tan glow to it. hehehe.

We then had the Sunday brunch at Sam Choy's restaurant. Damn that was good food. Swordfish poke...mmmm *drool* My favorite was the waffles though. My sweet tooth always gets the better of me. Mmmm...whip cream. =)

Fun was had by all and I'm glad I got to see Julie again after months. I doubt I'll see her for another year at least though. She really made me miss our time in Korea. I want to sing at noraebang, shop at Dongdaemun, and eat ddukbokkee and naengmyun again!! mmmm Naengmyun. *drool*

Seventeen days.
It took the best friend 17 days to remember the birthday.

Better late than never right? =P

I'm wallowing in self-pity again. Yeah, I know. It's never a good thing. Things are just sucking right now and I just wish I could get myself out of the house sometimes.

*sigh*

Don't you hate it when you're talking to someone and the conversation is just really awkward and not flowing smoothly? Well, that's just the kind of phone conversation I had with my friend Julie who's in town. She wanted to confirm meeting up on Sunday. Only problem was that I hadn't thought about what we were going to do exactly. I don't know why, but even though I've lived here for like 22 years, I can never think of anything to do for me or for others. So I settled for going with them to Diamond Head and then having lunch afterward. Not too bad of a plan, but the conversation was just not very good.

I think my social skills have gone down the tube. It's kind of depressing.

My paranoia is continuing especially after I tried shutting down a little while ago and it warned me that I would be cutting off like 3 people who were connected to my computer. WTF? I didn't have any ftps or any programs open at all. It's so freaky!

Hey, you'd be paranoid too if you had mean people harassing you.

So now I'm talking to my "techie guru" Lester and he's trying to assure me that its probably just something with my cable network and he's telling me to password protect my folders. But password protecting is such a fucking pain gosh dammit!!!!

Mean people, who make my life miserable, suck.

Okay, good night. err..good morning to you east coaster. ;P

The bad/strange/ucky dreams continue. I'm not gonna be graphic, cuz well, it's disturbing enough just thinking about it. But let me just say that it was like watching really bad gay porn. Not that I've ever watched gay porn in my life, but if I ever did, I'd say that what I "saw" this morning would've probably been classified as really bad and disgusting. *shudder* It was really gross!!!!

why me? =(

phunnie video.
damn, i'm glad I'm not a guy. ;P

I swear I learn something new about cars every time I talk to Grant. I already knew he could tell the difference between a manual and automatic car just by the sound, but yesterday I also learned that a car with a turbo has a certain sound too.

Last night I was telling our friend Tanya, who knows a lot more about sewing and cars than I'm sure most girls even care to know, that I now have all this information about cars in my head but I'm still figuring out how to organize it so I can actually remember it. I don't know if this is a good thing. It sure is hilarious though.

Hmm, is there a new Acura with 260 horsepower? Grant and Tanya were trying to figure out what it was since Tanya saw a commercial for it. She doesn't think it's the RSX since it only has 200.

See! If you had asked me this a year ago, would I have even cared? Would I even have known what a horsepower was? haha Scary I tell you.

dammit!!!!

I refiled my taxes 2 months ago and paid almost $500 just so I could fucking fix my residency status for tuition purposes but it still hasn't been processed and now i'm fucked. DAMMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

bored bored bored.
dunnoing what to doing.
window shopping?
driving around the island?
dudidu
pupipu

hmm, do i know someone from ucdavis?
sorry, i just get uber paranoid sometimes. heehee
email me?

I was going to make a journal entry out of this but I felt it better not to. Besides, I've been feeling really lazy this whole weekend so tough. hehe

I came across this website [www.findthegspot.com] today while reading up on stuff. Take that as you will but I thought it was pretty damn funny. I dunno if I would open it up at work but it's not exactly porn or anything. Hmm, maybe some guys can learn from this.

I also followed some of the links from that page like www.sexualpositionsfree.com and thought those were pretty cool freakin hilarious too. hehe.

Why does it seem like a whole bunch of journallers are talkin bout sex and stuff these days. Probably because that's what interests everyone the most? keke

Grant forgot his pants here today. You know you all have your minds in the gutter [pervs...the whole lot of you!] but you better start thinking differently because he was merely changing for work in my room and forgot them. Sheesh. Anyway...

What is it about guys that smells so nice? Granted, a lot of guys emit some nasty funk odor at times, but when you're with your "hunny" you can't help but think everything about him smells yummy..er, I mean nice. I think it may partially be his detergent. This is not to say that I'm smelling his pants or anything. Okay! So I did once! and not in anywhere gross! Damn you all!

My mom said the stupidest thing to me and Grant today [in addition to the other stupid things she's already said the last few days...check the journal]. She said "Has anyone told you you two look like brother and sister? You both have long faces and bushy eyebrows. The only thing is that she's whiter than you."

Yeah mom. I've always wanted to look like I was in an incestuous relationship. Thanks.

Remember Stinkymeat way back when? Well, now there's also the Fat project, Stinkyfeet, and Stinkymeat 2! What possesses these people to actually volunteer do these things?

Warning: its pretty gross. blech.

Tonight is being spent cleaning the messy room. We're talking disaster area in a state of emergency here. haha. I think Grant's getting a tad impatient with it, so I guess its finally time.

On a side note, did you know that Jimmy Smits is in the new Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones? He'll be Princess Leia's adoptive dad, Bail Organa. I actually found this out because I spent a good hour or so just reading bios of all the Star Wars characters and such. Yeah, I was that bored.

MC was talking about this anime called Initial-D about Japan street racing and all I could think was that it was perfect for Grant in his brother. It's not even funny how much I know his brother would like it. Let's put it this way, all he does in school is draw cars in class, and he's hoping to one day get a hachiroku all his own, while he has this love for skylines and RX7s [but can't afford them]. Those two. I swear, the other week, after Grant put in his springs and struts, all they did was talk about what else they could do to modify his car and all this other car stuff for like almost an hour! Hilarious.

So what am I doing now at 1 am? I'm trying to find episodes to download. Why? because I'm an idiot that's why. haha. Maybe I can learn more by watching it so I can impress my baby...uhhh....or maybe not. ;P

Okay, this is just another reason why I hate anonymizer.com. I'm sorry if I offend anyone this time around, but hey, now its personal. Evil, defaming, and cruel emails is one thing, but posting personal information for anyone to see and actually contact me is NOT.

Hmm, I think I'll look into banning. Sorry, it's just gotta be done I guess.

FUCKING A!

Someone fucking posted all my personal info in a forum on korealink 2 weeks ago. Dammit! Even my personal email which not everyone knows. That's why some guy called my house saying I posted something looking for korean guys. Someone really wants to die soon. Why are people so fucking rude and cruel in this world?

I'm done. finally.

And that's all I can say for now.
It was hard as shit. hmm shit isn't really hard though. but you know what I mean. I'll be so pissed if I miss the minimum score by a few points. I either want to pass by a few points or fail by a landslide. hehe. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE

Ok. just a short note before i go back to trying to cram 5 weeks of studying into one night.

I. AM. SO. F*CKED.

Yes. Thankfully its only a 2 hour test. But maybe by some divine intervention I'll actually pass. Or maybe not, seeing as how I basically forgot how to integrate this afternoon.

What? Its been like 3 years. Give me a break here!

Thanks and return emails will be given after tomorrow's test. Sorry if i appear to be ungrateful or rude. I'm not. I promise!

Well I feel stupid now. [what else is new]

All this time I thought this song "Endlessly" was sung by Backstreet Boys since that's what it was labeled as on Bearshare. Now, thanks to aleen, I have found out that it's actually by a group called b4-4. And all this time I was wondering why I couldn't distinguish any of bsb's voices. haha

okay this has been bugging me for a while and i just really want to know if it actually exists...

The "back" button for your browser [IE at least anyway] can be done with the backspace button on the keyboard, so what is the shortcut key for "forward"?

i konw, i'm dumb. heehee

I'm very disappointed that the House passed Bush's energy plan. Sure the country is in need of more energy sources and the area they plan to drill may be "desert" but it's STILL a wildlife refuge.

It just irks me to think about all of this because Bush's election campaign was majorly financed by oil companies. And lest we forget, he *is* from the oil state of Texas. I mean really, could it look any more obvious?

They could've at least raised the milage standards on SUVs or something. You can't just drill for more and not promote conservation in other areas. Americans are just greedy people who will suck the earth dry till the end. My parents are two of these millions of people. I won't even start to get into the whole Kyoto treaty.

I still think Bush is an idiot who will ruin us all in the next 3.5 years. Just wait till you baby boomers go on social security. You'll be screwed and you'll just have to wonder why. heh.

This is my horoscope for August 2, 2001, my birthday:

In the aftermath of an agitating episode, you need some peace and quiet. Think of sleep as medicine. Inasmuch as it allows you to rest and heal, it's the ideal cure for what ails you. The solution to a momentous problem will seem more obvious tomorrow morning. A delay puts your subconscious mind to work.

Kinda funny huh? I guess I better take the advice. weeeeiiiiiirrrd

Okay, things are looking a little more better. The cupcakes are done and a chocolate one with sprinkles is set aside for grant when he comes over tomorrow.


This is despite my inner bitch not wanting him to come over because it'll just be for like an hour and i'm greedy and demanding. But i'm trying to repress these emotions. really.

i'm feeling a lot better right now.

i think it helps to actually get out of the house, even if it's only for grocery shopping [especially if all you're buying is cake mix and frosting. hehe], and stop listening to all that shitty, depressing music. Its better to speed off to safeway while jamming to korean techno. whee.

and now i'm making cupcakes. cupcakes will bring a smile to just about anyone, including me.

that doesn't mean that i'm all happie happie now of course. i still wish grant wasn't such a baby with his cold. sure he just wants to get better and that's why he refuses to go out, but dangit, if your gf needs you...well. i won't get into it. it's not worth it to ruin my okay mood right now. hmph.

anyway...here's a survey to promote some reader participation:

Flavors

Which flavor do you like the best? Vanilla Chocolate Strawberry None of the above-I like to be different

Current Results

hmm, i just realized. this could very well be my quarter life crisis i'm going through. how funny



not like anyone cares

You know, whenever i get really depressed and things seem almost unbearable I tend to think about death alot. Not like killing myself kind of death, just about events that have occurred in the news or in movies related to death. Last night I was trying to think myself to sleep and I couldn't stop having these images pop in my head. Its really bad.

and its really bad that I'm sitting here wondering if the people around me would ever notice if I just stopped eating or if I developed some kind of eating disorder. Not like I'd do it, but if I ever did, it would be totally for attention reasons [as if journalling wasn't whoring enough attention?].

My tummy hurts now since i gorged myself on spicy cajun pringles an hour ago and I haven't really eaten anything else all day [nothing really to eat in this house but chips, ice cream, or twinkies]. Its dinner time now [pizza. woo so healthy] and my tummy is too sore to eat. hmmmm.

hey. wow. its august already. what a trip. i am now 22 years 364 days old. woop

everytime i hear a loud car muffler my hopes go up and then come falling back to earth. man, i need to stop putting myself in these situations.

...and then when i finally get their attention I act like a bitch and push them away.

boy am i smart or what?

I hate it when the people i need most aren't there when i need them.
Then again, i never let them know that i need them so i guess that's what my problem is.

People need to learn how to read my mind.

sucks sucks sucks sucks this week really SUCKS!

Dang. Good thing I kept that stupid telemarketer in the back of my mind. I was supposed to get shit from them 7-10 days after but I got nothing and I just wanted to get it to cancel anyway. So I finally call today and they had my phone number wrong, those bastids. I was signed up but the authorization wasn't right so that's why I didn't get anything. Grrr. I hate when shit like that happens to me.

Moral of the story: Don't give in to telemarketers just to shut them up because you may forget to cancel later.
Dangit.

My parents' present for my bday: A $50 discount on my rent.

whee. Shows the how much sentiment the put into it, no?
Not that I'm complaining about $50 of course.

dang...i'm rereading my blog from this year so far and i had forgotten how much i used to write here when i was in cali. All because of the boredom at work. haha. i don't have much to rant about these days so i guess that's a good thing right? but its so funny to remember all the things i despised so much.

Oh yeah, anyone have any ideas for what to get Grant on our anniv? I'm stressin here, and he keeps laughing at my attempts to "casually" ask questions. grrr. ;P

I DON'T WANT TO DO MY HOMEWORK GOSH DANGIT!!!!

frustration at its worst. bleh

This is just wrong.

To put a child through a torturous thing like name riddicule on purpose is just cruel and unusual. Its hard enough to get by with regular names!

Tonight is a night for mild celebration.

The prof cut our journal assignment in HALF and made other assignments extra credit. She also cut our class time down by one day. Yay for Ed Psych and creating "inviting" environments. ;P

I now have a teeny bit more time to study math! [woopie]

Now I'm off to eat sushi in celebration. YUMMY!!!

I don't like Kim Hyun Jung's new album.

I don't "get" Cleo's new video.

and

I think Hong Kyung Min is a cutie.

Gosh I miss kpop in Korea.

Kpop Pride!
hahaha

i give up already.

i'm going to shut up until i feel i can safely say something without that nagging feeling.

even my aim chats aren't feeling right anymore.
i think its time to sleep.
nite

On a related note...

i am probably very guilty of spending way too much time on certain sites. i'll check at different times of the day for an update just because i have no life and i honestly have nothing else better to do but point and click. pretty sad huh? I probably should be studying instead, but do you really think that'll happen? So let me lead my sorry existence for the next few weeks at least, please? I am forseeing employment in the next month. there goes my boring vacation. =/

oh yes, my point? sorry for racking up hits and inflating those site stats. heehee. *innocent look*

update: i am in no way implying that others who rack up stats have no life. i am just speaking for ME. that is what this journal is supposed to be right? I think i'm going to have to stop talking soon. since when did i have to start worrying about what people think? man i'm weak.

I swear I'm making an ass out of myself almost everyday now.

First Joe, and now Grace. Let's see..."Not everyone who uses anonymizer peruses my site from hawaii is evil..." wait, no, can't use that line again. Its not that i have anything against you or anyone else from hawaii, i'm flattered actually, but i just wanted to say that sometimes the stats makes me wonder [i wish i had name tags for IPs ;P] because hawaii is literally this small. But it shouldn't matter, right? Because I don't have any more enemies that actually live here, right? [As far as i know anyway.] And I apologize for yet again letting my mouth make me seem like such an idiot. You'd think I'd have learned to stick my foot in my mouth at the right times by now.

*kicking own ass*

You know, its more that a little disconcerting when i see someone from hawaii perusing my site for a lengthy period of time. This island is so small, who knows who it might be!

And yes, i check my stats if only because i'm bored out of my mind [ie, i don't want to do my freakin homework, okay?] and i have nothing else better to do.

Downloaded the new Nsync album yesterday. I'm not liking it as much as the other ones [yet] but I'm digging a few songs like track 5 "The Two of Us" and track 13 "That Girl (Will Never be Mine)".

Yes, I'm an boyband lover. So shoot me. It's not like I'm in love with Justin Timberlake. sheesh. Its all about JC anyway. ;P

Oops...my bad. Not everyone who uses anonymizer is evil. Its just that I got some really mean and evil emails last year from someone using the service so I'm sort of biased against it. I didn't intend to insult any innocent parties. So sorry. You can bash me now Joe...thanks for siging the gbook though. =)

Boy do I feel like the babo now.O.o

Okay, I don't get why someone would want to view my site through anonymizer.com but if that's you, you're just dumb. DUMB..you know...BAKA?

heh. Its just stupid.
Plus I have this thing against that service. Its pure evil.

Windtalkers, the John Woo WWII film due out in Nov, looks pretty interesting.

And it was filmed partly in Hawaii to boot. =P

Personality Disorder Test

I scored a VERY HIGH for Avoidant personality disorder, and a HIGH for dependent personality disorder. ACK!

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

LIHINGMARS.COM!!!

About freakin time!

WOOHOO!!!
Be ready for a change!!

*thanks phil!

I'm super hungry right now but I refuse to eat since all we have is left over pizza and it is almost midnight. I need to lose weight! but oh the tummy hurts. *sniff*

I really hate it when IM chats go awry and I end up crying. I bet the other person doesn't even realize it. It doesn't help that I listen to ballads on repeat the whole time. And I can't even blame this on pms either. shit.

my goal is to not become a super-dependant gf, but yet, some things just make it feel inevitable. grrrr i DO have a life of my own. at least i used to once upon a time.
=/

frick! blogger just ate my post. frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruck! dammit

anyway, i had ranted about ants infesting my white/purple orchid plant..and its only the 2nd day! dammitalltohell. now the plant is indoors surrounded by a moat. lol. that better keep those suckers out for good dammit.

i also mentioned grant recieved a pell grant on top of his tuition waiver and how i'm sorta jealous seeing as how i'm still classified as a 10K paying non-resident. dammit. but grant really deserves it. i just have to laugh at the thought that maybe some of his excess funds will go to his car now. haha jk.

damn i hate repeating myself. it sounds like shit now.

Okay blogger is just dumb. DUMB I TELL YOU!!!

I found my white/purple orchid plant infested with ants today. goshdammitfreakingshiznit! It only took those suckers 2 days to move in. sheesh! At least they hadn't nested as of yet. I shudder to think what that would've been like. So now my plant is indoors and tilting since I had to pull it out of the container to clear it out and then try to put it back in somwhat back to normal. Poor plant. Hopefully the moat I created in the outside container will keep me from further gross outs. Ants really are the worst bugs. blech!

In other news...hmm, there really is no other news other than the fact that grant received a pell grant for school [this is on top of the tuition waiver he already got a few weeks ago] lucky bastid. I'm all jealous seeing as how I'm still classified as a 10K paying non-resident. Oh well, he definitely deserves it and I'm happy for him. I'm wondering if his excess funds will go to his car. hahah jk

I have 2 urges right now as I am procrastinating in my reading yet again:
1. the urge to eat and snack
2. the urge to do something tricky and evil. hehe >=P

Argh! I've been trying to find this stupid mp3 for the last 1.5 hours with no luck. Anyone have it? Its I Cry by Yuri Chika. The bf even called from work asking if I could find it! Some people are just too obsessed with mp3s these days. lol

procrastinating at its best worst...

okay, nevermind. all the shit i want is sold out in my size. i was THIS close to actually spending more money. i really must have a guardian angel...and it most def isn't grant because he couldn't even do a simple thing like prevent me from buying underwear today! sometimes i wonder why i still keep him around..but then i remember that i love him so much. haha dang it. ;P

oh gosh dammit. there's so much on sale at gap.com that i'm sooper tempted. forget the fact that I just spent some bucks on more underwear from gap today. good thing I didn't go up to the women's floor and get even more tempted! but wah! so sad now. such good deals!

I also bought 3 plants today at the Lyon Arboretum Plant Sale at the Blaisdell. I got this cute mini anthurium which is growing on this rock. kinda bonsai-ish feel to it, if ya know what i mean. Then I got 2 orchid plants...a hanging purple one and a small potted white/purple one. I love orchids. They are my favoritest flower..especially the really exotic, strange, and huge ones. Those are cool and I was so tempted to get more!

Dang it! i need a job like pronto!

his car is schizo. his dad came to pick it up and it just started up. lol. crazy.

My poor baby.
First his springs still haven't arrived a month after ordering them.
Then he finds a dent in his car.
Then he finds his radiator fluid leaking from somewhere and has to get that fixed.
Then he misses out on seeing his best friend on her new baby in the hospital.
And now his car won't start.

When it rains it pours.
boohar

I finally found out that Backstreet boys sings one of the songs I've been wondering about for the last week: Endlessly. That other one I asked about earlier is still eluding me though. dammit! i hate that.

so yeah, backstreet boys on repeat. wheee. i love playing out songs way too quickly, don't you?

I swear. Everytime I'm in this computer lab I always have to use the bathroom really badly. What is it about extremely cold ac that induces this? dammit.

Going to see Kiss of the Dragon in a little more than an hour. YAY!

But furst [damn, i can't believe I just spelled it like that...and I want to be a teacher?] I have to finish this stupid paper on my Bon odori experience. How many different ways can a person say "it was an interesting experience?"

Why do mainlanders always have to always have it their way? When they come here they expect everything to be fair? Shit, who cares about a measly 3 bucks? You already spent at least a grand on your trip alone. You're not kama'aina so don't expect to be treated like one. Your people already stole the land from the natives, why you gotta front like you're owed the whole damn world? Damn lawsuits these days.

I am now $105 poorer and I am bound to take a graphing calculator required math test on the 4th. wheeeeee

In other news, I still really want to buy a rice cooker, which will also cost some bucks.
Then the domain name [and hosting! yay!], which I am still fretting over [bhurdie.com/.net, marbhurd.com, marsbars.net, lihingmars.com, or almondeyes.net? (by the last one I was really stretching)], will cost me too.

You would think that as a person who is a starving [literally, my 'rents have no good food in the fridge], college student without a job and living at home would know how to conserve her money, but no. It just slips through my hands. whee! And rent is due at the end of the month. dammit.

There's this song that I've liked ever since I came back home in April. Its hella played out here now but I still don't know what its called and its driving me nuts. I doubt any mainland peeps would know it since its like a hawaiian-ish song...but here's how it starts:

Send me the pillow that you dream on...so that I can dream on it too...

Anyone know it?

I got my boba craving out of the way yesterday with a honeydew smoothie w/black pearls plus some of grant's taro boba with crystal pearls. mine tasted better. heh.

Now I'm craving krispy kreme donuts. Dammit! There's no way I can satiate this one. *sniff* this sux

Actually..now that I think about it...even though I'm bigger than what i used to be, there isn't really much to sag. haha I guess I'll have to wait and see what motherhood does to me sometime in the not so near future. Heaven help me.

I've always had a fear of sagging breasts. Not sagging breasts on other people mind you, but on me in particular. Now most of my life my chest has pretty much been as flat as they come, but in recent months, thanks to the wonders of birthcontrol pills and estrogen, I've plumped up nicely [must be all that ice cream too]. The threat of sagging breasts is now a reality for me. Well, okay, maybe not in the immediate future, but I just think back to my childhood and seeing my grandmother's chest. It's not a pretty sight. Of course, she did have 6 children to breastfeed so perhaps I need not worry so much. But yes, I fear sagging breasts. And now you know.

I was THIS close to going out to a movie tonight. But then the sisters found they were to have ice cream with their family instead. *sigh* oh wells. I better be doing my homework anyway.

yay for having only 1 more week of this class. [but boo for the 2nd class starting monday,]

My digirice site won't be back until the 20th when they "re-launch" with all new features and shit. wtf. i don't want to wait so my impatient ass is so wanting to blow my very limited savings on my own domain. what do you think? I don't even know how much i'll update in the future. what if i get too busy and what not? *sigh* money is a precious commodity these days, but when i'm bored shitless, all i want to do is update. any ideas?

Today I realized I'm starting to have really bad road rage. But it honestly can't be just my fault. People need to start driving appropriately, meaning they use their blinkers at least a few seconds before trying to cut in front of me. And honestly, do people think that the space they moved into magically appeared? I would like some form of thanks like a wave or a shaka. sheesh. Some people are so inconsiderate.

On the way home I was noticing this, but its not entirely my fault. I saw so many people just being really stupid. I mean, a solid line does mean you can't cross it right? Its a shame how many stupid people there are in this country. tsk tsk

I don't know why, but I keep saying that I'm 23 even though I'm still 22.

I was talking to Grant last night about something and I said "I'm 23 and you're 25..."
He's just like "Wait, you're not 23." And even though I'm ALMOST 23, he wouldn't let me just round. "You're 22 years 11 months and 4 days old. If you want to round, you'll be 22 years and 11 months."
"So what you're trying to say is that I'm not quite young, but I'm also not quite old."
"Yeah"
"So what does that say about you?"
hehehe..i'm evil.

I'm hella craving some boba right now. Too bad its about an hour too late. The closest shop is closed now. Oh damn these stupid cravings!

Hmmm...guys get cravings too right? For some reason I'm thinking that it mostly happens to girls, but maybe I'm just thinking about pregnant ones. lol

[Yeah, blame it on the lack of boba kay?]

Fucken telemarketers. Today I got a call to sign up for some credit protect membership. I swear I'm such a weak mugg when it comes to shit like this. I tried so very hard to tell him I didn't want it too but I finally gave in because he assured me I could cancel as soon as I get my membership info. Anything to shut him up, I thought. Just watch me get fucked over a month from now when I get charged 80 bucks for something I never wanted in the first place.

GAH!!! Why couldn't I just say NO and slam the phone down? I swear I'm an idiot sometimes.

I had forgotten that Grant and I walked through Waikiki on Saturday evening. This was after attending a bon dance of course. All of which I wish I could share pics with you.

Anyhow, it had been so long since I last walked through Waikiki down Kalakaua Ave. It's nice just absorbing it all and almost getting the touristy feel in you. Walking through the International Marketplace was fun, even though every vendor sells the same things for the same prices. Its also fun to watch those artists draw the letters in people's names in such coloful strokes. Its amazing to see how one brush can be used to apply five different colors to form a dolphin or some island icon. And lets not forget the new DFS Galleria - quite an interesting site.

But I guess the part I enjoyed most was just the company. No matter where I am, or what I'm doing, it just amazes me how much fun I have with him. It's such a happy feeling and we just keep talking on and on with no drought of topics in sight. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm in love. ^_~

Oh yeah, happy belated 4th of july.

Spent tuesday, the 11th month mark [he's such a cutie. I wonder what I will do once one year hits next month. I don't think i can keep counting the months eh?] at my cousin's eagle scout ceremony and then just chillin afterward. Very nice.

The fourth was spent shopping for fish at Tamashiro's market, doing homework, watching Saving the Last Dance, making poke ['poh-keh' for those not in the know], attending at potluck with grant's school peeps, and watching the fireworks at Kailua beach. Yes yes, very sorry there are no pics. I so need to get playing with g's camera, no? =P

Very nice indeed. Too bad I have a paper and lesson plan rough draft due tomorrow [errr, today]. My brain is just mush from exhaustion. good night.

Aww shit. I have an ant infestation in one of my power outlets.

Dammit!!

Ants are the worst insects on earth! *shudder* so gross!!!

Actually...let me change that. Its not that I'm a status quo kind of person, I'm just someone who chooses her battles. Ethnic and racial issues, yes. Gender, no. Its all about what is important to you I suppose.

Okay, I'm just procrastinating here. None of this really matters. Go on with you lives. Hopefully I'll finish this chapter before 10. *sigh*

Don't you hate it when you have a sore neck and you just wish you could take off your head? Ok, maybe not, but that's how I feel right now at least.

I so don't want to read this chapter on gender. If there is such a thing as reincarnation I most def know that I would'nt have been a proponent of the women's movement way back when. Not that I don't enjoy the freedoms we have now, but I know that deep down inside I'm just not the type to fight. I'm more of the staus quo kind of person. Sad isn't it? Do you think you would've fought for something that had never been available to you ever in history like voting and civil rights? Something to ponder about. hmmm...

I can't believe its July already.
I can't believe its July already.
I can't believe its July already.
I can't believe its July already.

Yeah, I can't believe it either.
Hopefully in 2 days I'll be loungin on the south shore with some peeps and enjoying the lights. =) *crossing fingers*

Well that just sucks. My digirice site will be down for 4 days. FOUR DAYS! boohoo for the lack of funds to move on from this.

And boohoo for the fact that I keep falling asleep while reading this chapter on race and ethnicity. You'd think I'd be captivated, but these authors REALLY over do "the minority is disadvantaged" speil to force it into your psyche that you just want to bash them. Or in my case, tune them out. heh