I've decided to make sharing mp3s a regular thing here. I took off all the other mp3s from before, but i'll hopefully have one at least once a week up there at the top of this blog. I don't guarantee you'll like it, but you never know. ;P

If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to make today's posts positive and not so depressing. Maybe then I won't be so miserable. Is it working? Let me get back to you on that one. hmm...

I finally picked a fragrance of my own. After months/years of searching for that one scent that fit perfectly I finally found it. L'Eau d'Issey Lumieres d'Issey. It's Issey Miyake's 2002 summer scent. I mean, its practically summer here all year round right? hehe I really liked the summer scent last year, but didn't decide to get it until too late. But maybe its good that I waited. Yay! I'm all happy now. I love shopping. I think its even better than sex. O.o lol

omg, I've been going around with only one earing on. I went to alamoana, sephora, and the 99 ranch market food court with only one earing! how funny!

Anyway...

Big question of the day: Kimbap or Bubble tea?

Kimbap of course! MMM...

My kimbap story: In Korean 102 one day someone asked, "How do you make kimbap?" and my joker classmate replied, "you just take the kim and the bap and mix it together." Hohohohooheoheohe. Yeah, that one flew right by me but I just laughed right along with everyone else. I knew bap was rice, but kim? And kimbap? Absolutely no clue. 10 months later in a korean restaurant IN KOREA it finally hits me. OOhhhhhh! Kimbap! I get it! hahahaha Kimbap is Korean sushi, and kim is seaweed. Hehe. So don't worry if you're ever slow to catch a joke. Just think of me and the 10 months it took me to get it. hahaha

It wasn't even that funny of a joke. lol

YAY for free long distance. I already got to talk to 2 best friends. woohoo! I would've called one more since its her bday, but the ho never gave me her number. hehe. Maybe next time.

I'm happier now. Its temporary.

Oh! and this morning I awoke after having the weirdest dream! I dreamed I was going to my wedding. I've never ever dreamed about getting married before! But I happened to be helping out at someone else's wedding first, but they fell behind schedule and all of a sudden, I was late for my own wedding! It always has to be something like that....especially being late...because its my biggest anxiety: being late for something extremely important.

And in my dream, my mom stayed behind because she wanted to watch the wedding we were already at. Yeah, go figure.

In addition to my mass jealously, I also seem to have something weighing on my heart. I dunno. It feels almost like when someone breaks up with you. I seriously feel pangs on my heart and i contract for a second. Its like a big sadness. I don't know why tho. Maybe its just the hurt.

Anyway, there's only 3.5 more days till grant comes back and I keep trying to play scenarios in my head about what I'll say to him after he comes back. "Hi babe! How was your trip?!" or "Oh hi. Nice of you to call." or "hi. i was thinking of going to that thing at the zoo featuring jake shimabukuro. But you're probably too jet lagged and busy so I won't ask you to go." or "go out? Sorry, I have to plan for school tonight...and tomorrow...and the day after that. How bout you call back oh say...after July 17th. You should be used to not talking to me by now anyway."

Yeah, the bitterness just goes on and on and on. I'm so evil.

I know what it is. I'm fucking jealous. The only reason I'm letting myself get all bent out of shape over such a stupid issue is because he's the lucky bastid that got to go to Japan while I had to stay home in freakin Hawaii. Sure, "Hawaii is great" you say. "You should feel lucky to live hawaii" you say. Yeah, you try living here all your life with friends thousands of miles away. Its a fucking rock I say. I'd imagine it to be almost like being stuck in the middle of Kansas. Woo fun stuff you know. I've never been good at containing my envy or jealousy. It never fails to rear it's ugly head, and this time it appeared with a vengence. I want to get away...and if its by myself so be it. He got his vacation, I'm going to see to it that I get mine dammit.


bitter bitter bitch bitch whine whine. yeah yeah, let me get it out of my system. its not like i'm forcing you to visit and read my complaining.

It's a miracle. I got a postcard from japan. woo

Yeah, things like these aren't very fun when you're still bitter about stupid things. *shrug* Oh well.

I am thinking I will take a trip to SF soon...maybe. I hope. hmm...

School went great. Only problem is killing so much time. erg. 5 hours is waaaay too long.

I'm glad summer school finally started though. Work is great. I like being productive and busy. It takes the mind off mindless clutter and stupid things to worry about.

But then I have those quiet moments when all I can do is think about it. And I don't like it. I don't like feeling hurt and angry. And I don't even know why I'm letting it bother me so much. Its just a fucking phone call. He's only going to be gone 2 weeks. What's the point in getting worked up about anything? Sheesh, I need to chill. I just wish I could take my own advice. grrr...Stop it up there already!!

6am wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*very anxious*
I'll survive...i hope. ;P

Have a nice day everyone!!! =D

Summer school starts tomorrow. ACK!

I have 26 students, one of whom I taught this past semester. The babo failed first semester so I'll only have him for 2.5 weeks, but I'm just happy I have him in my class for that long. Even though he makes me want to kick him from time to time, he really does crack me up. That's the only thing making me look forward to tomorrow. God only knows how torturous the FIVE hours of classtime is going be. ugh.

I'm trying to plan things for tomorrow to ensure that I have no dead time, but it seems rather difficult. I will have to see how things go tomorrow. *crossing fingers*

I also have to start planning for the next week since the summer school office requires 2 days notice for xerox jobs and I'm a big worksheet ho. hehe. It's all about busywork! =)

Pray for me.

I think I'm finally getting better at this. New entry!

One week and counting...that's how long Grant's been gone. Sure, to you that may not seem like very long, but take into account that his trip is now half done and he has yet to call like he said he would. I almost feel like an abandoned pet. Left and forgotten.

Bitterness is not healthy, but then again, its better than being depressed.

Its 7am. SEVEN AM! And I've been up since 5:30. Why? You try sleeping longer after 11 hours of sleep.

Damn me for "taking a nap" at 6pm. My naps always last at least 3 hours.

*sigh* I guess that means I should be productive today, no?

And summer school starts Thursday. ACK!

dang, they didn't even look at my portfolio that I slaved over all last night!

But I did get a job offer. Suck part is that I'd probably have to teach one period of Social Studies and have a multi-track school year.

No thanks.

I told them I'm waiting to hear from the high school, which is true. I just didn't tell them that I basically already have that job. heh. Gotta let them know by Friday that I won't accept. I feel bad though. They're hiring for THREE math positions!! >O.o<

Are you bored? Yeah, so am I.
Message me! AIM sn: marbhurd
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.
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Half of me is still waiting for that phone call...Today is Sunday, the day we always have phone calls. If he doesn't call tonight, I will definitely be peeved.

Four more hours until the big World Cup match between Korea and the US. *anxious*

Who do you think will win? Who do you want to win? If Korea won, do you think they would be happy moreso because its the US and because of all their history together, or because its just a win? hmm....


Who do I want to win? hehe...wouldn't you like to know. ;P

Ugh. Giving my portfolio an overhaul for my interview tomorrow. Part of me wants to go, but another part thinks its a waste of time. *shrug* I gotta be a professional first I guess. hehe.Wow, I'm a professional! =D

Thank you lester..for giving me the kick in the butt I so needed. No more ruts! Or at least I'll try really hard. =)

hehe. I'm bored so I went looking for the mp3.

It's called Wind's Nocturne by Luna from the anime Lunar: Silver Star Story

I know...I should just go to sleep while I'm ahead, but I can't. I keep thinking that if I sleep, I'll miss a phone call. ;P

aww...*sniff* It's so cute...and sad.

What more can you ask for? Animation of a cat singing a sad song in...Japan? Karaoke style! hehe

link from lester bhurd "evil lester". Thanks for cheering me up some. :)

Yay! Email from my cute high school math teacher, soon to be department head, makes me a little bit happier, especially as its pertaining to my future employment.

Maria, I talked to our school registrar. She informed me that you have a job at Radford, but we are just waiting for the ok to go ahead to hire you. She also said to go to the other interviews anyway. It's good to see what's out there.

Happier..=)

I miss grant.

A lot.

=(

DAMMIT!!

Really first bad impression: Telling a principal from a middle school that you don't really want to teach middle school but you'll come in for an interview anyway.

HELLO?!
Yeah, I like making myself look bad...all the time. *cringe* >.<

*bangs phone against head* stupid! stupid!

2nd of the month. OMG!

Btw, the pap was horrible as usual. At least its over. yay!

Uck. I just came back from my dental appointment. Can I just say how much I hate going through that ritual? I hate the pain and I hate the yucky tasting flouride. But at least I have no cavities. YAY!

Now I just have to look forward to my annual pap exam...in 2 hours. Yeah, I'm masochistic enough to schedule the 2 worst appointments in one day. Woopie!

Went to take a nap at 6pm yesterday. Didn't wake up until 12 hours later...this morning!

What a waste of time, but oh how wonderful sleep is. Why can't it always be like that. =)

mmm...krispy kreme. It's about friggen time!

there goes what was left of my diet. ;P

It keeps slipping my mind that the centennial of Korean immigration celebration will get into full force next year. As I was browsing the calendar to see if anything cool was coming up, I noticed it says "Pop Concert" on May 31, 2003. I wonder who would be singing. I hope no one lame. And if its singers like Finkl, Shinhwa, etc...I'm going to get way too excited I won't be able to stand the wait. haha *crossing fingers*

dang...its 3 am already? This is why I hate online games. What a waste of valuable sleep time. *huff*

Good night! er...Good Morning to most of you. ;P

damn. I missed Grant's call while I was going through Jack in the Box drive-thru. Dammit. Do I have the best luck or what? ;P

whew! I smell like coffee!

I guess 2.5 hours at Starbucks will do that do ya. I feel all productive today. Yay!

=*( Just got really lonely after G's sn popped up on aim. I know its not him, but his brother or dad.

I miss him too much already. =(

The first one's for you lester...

Congratulations, you sweetheart. You enjoy wild popularity because of your sweetness and your caring nature. Selfless and sensitive, you care deeply about others and you worry sometimes about what others think about you. But people everywhere love you, so that's okay.
What kind of bubble tea are you?

See what Care Bear you are.


Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

You will marry JAMES BOND (most recently played by Pierce Brosnan) from the James Bond movies, live in many expensive penthouses filled with many girls and many martinis (shaken, not stirred), and spend your days driving explosive foreign cars and spying on villains with big egos and small brains.

What's YOUR M * A * S * H future?

I'm starting to tire of this design but I know I don't have the web or designer skills to come up with anything spectacular...so i guess I'll stick with it until I get struck by that lightening bolt of inspiration.

I give mad props to everyone out there with that instinct of design. You know who you are. =)

I'm all alone now. Boohar.

*secretly plotting world domination* muahahha

which Episode II character are you?

Queen of Naboo. You could have a split personality - simply to hide who you really are. You are extremely polite and gentle. However, if needs be, you will take action and can be a very good leader. You have the power to make people believe in you - use this power. The one you love could also end up being the one you hate.

link via ms. evil.

And let me also say...

DAMN YOU &%#$#@ LAKERS!!!!

ok. I feel a little better now.

Eeew. And BiBimBap "flavor" is already hard to take for some people (my bf...he can't take any spicyness). lol

But you'd think the guy would've told his boss "Hey, I'm missing part of my finger. You might want to look in those rice cakes before you sell them." *slaps forehead*

Haircut pics...per JP's request...i was getting around to it...really. ;P




So yeah, its basically my old do, except shorter and now its layered and frames my face. I think I shoud get it cut more often. (duh)

On a side note, what is up with my one eye being chinkier when i smile? Its a Korean thing isn't it? I swear it happens to them all. hah.
And please excuse the mess that is my room. Laundry does not like to be folded here. hehe

I finally got a haircut. It's been over a year. I know how sad.

But the thing is...my sister cut my hair. Now that she graduated she's trying to land a full time gig so I thought I'd be one of her first customers. And I have to say, she did a pretty dang good job. She even made my mom's hair look good. I'm all proud of her now. =) And I love my hair now. yay!

fcuking freak cats. Last night I was awoken at 2 AM !! by the sounds of a cat, or two, getting their freak on or something right ouside my window...right near my head. Dammit! I took my flashlight and looked into the hedge by my window and saw some mangy tabby cat who was probably the one making all the racket. Damn strays in heat. I am seriously considering getting a BB gun just to shoot its ass...literally.

Yeah yeah, cruelty to animals...blah blah...but you'd be pissed off too if they disturbed your sleep and even continued their noises well throughout the day. And I'm even a cat lover...but I can be a hater when the time is right. grr...i better have peace tonight.

Oh my freaking gosh...what's this?

A new splash image AND a new entry?

Hell hath officially frozen over.

It's your laidback style that everyone seems to like and it helps you enjoy life to the fullest. Many people envy your easy-going attitude, but no one can hold a grudge against such a loveable person like you!

What San-X Character Are You?

drumroll please...

YAY! MIN IS BACK!!!

The bastid. I wish I could move away. ;P

Tomorrow (friday) is my last day student teaching. I'm gonna miss my students a bunch...even though they give me stress. heh. go figure. So what do i do to celebrate? I go out and buy lots of candy, and little things for presents for them, especially the seniors. Why do I always feel the need to make more work for myself? hehe.

Have a great Friday and weekend everyone!!

More tests!! yay!




What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty
You love to be pampered and romanced by your men and things like cuddling by a fire, having an intimate meal, or having a long, deep conversation can always put you in the mood. Sex to you is usually more about the man your with than the act itself. Not a one-night stand kind of girl, newness and disconnectedness just don't do it for you. The mature, stable men you prefer to date appreciate your loyalty and big heart, but they especially love the way you inspire their more aggressive, protective masculine side.

There is much stuff to yay about these days...yet for some reason...deep down inside...i feel kinda down. It sucks because I feel as though I'm taking away from the happiness/excitement of all the yay stuff.

Yeah..its still that nagging lonely feeling. And the annoying sister of someone doesn't help matters any. I mean, how flat out rude can a person be? ugh. Manners people! Manners! I swear people are forgetting what that word even means these days. >.<

Congratulations to Scott and Amy on the new arrival of Sun Su! Go check out his new baby entry. The new guy's a cutie...just like his parents =)

Yay for graduation!!

Boo for sunburn.
ouch.

yay! Tammy's back!

one happy thought for today. =)

Oh...I forgot to mention...

the people I was going with to Grant's graduation tomorrow can't go anymore so I'm gonna have to go by myself. how much does that suck? Well, not merely as much as if I were to try to go with his family. I'd have to be in the presence of his sister..of all people. *shudder* I so am not looking forward to the dinner tomorrow night. I'm praying that I can stick with others the whole night if only to avoid her. Just one week...just one week...

I don't know why but i've been really bummed this evening. I think it basically stems from thoughts going through my head about not being loved, or not being needed. Maybe this is because this weekend i'm not at the center of attention. Technically, I could've walked at graduation, but I decided against it because i'm just getting a certificate. big whoop. But this doesn't mean I'm not proud of those who are getting the attention. I'm so happy for my sister and for grant. They've come so far and they've finally achieved what they wanted. Although, my sister's graduation was hella ghetto...but what can you expect from a community college graduation i suppose [I keep thinking this, even though i know they deserve just as much props as a person who gets a PhD. i'm just not in the right state right now].

It's just so hard. I went to the mall today to look for potential gifts for people [ie, grant, sis, mentor teacher] and on the way I just got so down that I almost started crying. So I called the good roomie and she lifted my spirits greatly. She was on her way to a bar that Lester introduced her to, and while I was kinda sad that I couldn't drink a few with her, it still made me smile as I heard her describing where she was and how she got the best parking [a rarity in the bay area for sure ;P]. I just need more friends here dammit. Or I need to take more trips to the mainland. hehe. Maybe then I can hit up IKEA haha

This isn't a "feel sorry for maria now" moment, so don't. I'm just stating how I feel. Tomorrow I'll probably feel completely different. It's been so long since I've written an entry where I spilled everything out that I was afraid to do that today. So you get the short, not-so-messy version here. I think I'll start posting to the journal in 1-2 weeks. hopefully.

ok. you're excused. Time for me to fold laundry. At least I don't have to work tomorrow. yay!

dang...i spent way too much at Old Navy today. And half of the stuff i didn't *really* need, but I convinced myself that I did anyway. I might return some tho. Go figger.

I'm also going nuts with the Gyuh Ool Yunga ["winter love story"] drama. I need to know what happens! I'm such a spoler ho...like ms. evil. haha. I miss her summaries...but none for the next 2 weeks. O.o Oh the insanity! But yeah...if anyone is bored, has time, and is willing to tell me what the heck happens from episodes 9 [right after the woman arrives at the airport and asks if Joon Sang is ok] to 20 [the end] I will forever be grateful! ;P hehe

I finally checked my other junk mail email account and found this funny email:

I ran into your website when i was looking up some
geneology for a friend - Yep you guessed it: Michael
Boohar.

I have never seen "boohar" used as a noun and just
have to know - what does it mean???? and where does
it come from.

The most curious thing is that my friend's family is
from Hawaii and I wondered if that might be a common
thread.

I would appreciate any information you could give me.

Thanks. Hope your day is not BOOHAR!!! (Is that ther
right useage??)

Heidi

hehe...i dunno if i should reply and sound like a dork, or just not reply and keep them wondering forever. haha.
And what's sad is that I haven't used the word in like forever. I miss it! BOOHAR! hehe ;P

Fcuking KFVE. They've once again opted to show UH Softball in place of Charmed. As if showing charmed 1 day after it's supposed to be on isn't enough right? Who the fcuk cares about softball? WTH?!

Plus my students' semifinal women's basketball game is having technical difficulties so it won't be on for a while. grrr.

I'm all irritated now. >.<

why is it that korean girls are either named susan or esther?



hehe. you ever notice that? soooo many of them!

wow. winnie's new layout is so nice! I'm actually feeling inspired by it. Maybe i can start writing in my regular journal soon...especially since today was my last day of seminar. no more classes...almost graduation. *sniff* It's so sad! I'm gonna miss all my wonderful classmates. =..)

I hope everyone is having a great week. It's friday tomorrow. Yay!

AHHHH!!!

I'm watching GyuhOol Yunga and its just exactly like that "AAAAHHHHH!!" Gut wrenching and emotional and you just can't help but scream at the tv. haha. I love korean dramas. And Bae Yong Jun is soooo hot!!! yummy. Dammit for having to wait 6 days till the next episode. ;P

i'm so mean and grouchy sometimes.

but is it really too much to expect a bf to make at least one visit in 6 days when you're sick and not feeling well? And especially when you've been cooped up indoors for 3 fricken days? I think not.

So yes, I complained and guilt-tripped him. He deserves it. hmph

You are a Baroness!
Spirited, Captivating, Stunning!

You are a woman of worldly wisdom and experience. You are sensitive, protective (maybe even motherly), you are highly respected and praised. Your gentility and grace always shine through. You have a very beautiful moral nature that defines who you are. You are a woman others seek to befriend and they would never want to cross you.



Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.
Art used (c) by JonathonArt.com

WOOHOO!!

UH won the NCAA Men's Volleyball Championship!

..and yet, not a word on cnn's sports page. hmph! bastids.

You are totally the über-sophisticate. You've practically have the world wrapped around your finger because you've got the attitude, look, and personality. You truly are all that (forget that Rachael Leigh Cook chick!), but you think nothing of it because you're completely committed to helping those in need. You are incredible dependable and caring, and so this makes you very likeable. The absolute most important thing to you in your life is your family, so when something threatens them, you unleash hell and bitch-slap the bad guys! Your bond with your family is incredible strong like the one that Piper, Phoebe, and Paige share, and you intend to keep it that way!

What WB drama are you?

[i was really dawson's creek dammit]

You are Drew Barrymore!

You acted in cool movies like:
Charlie's Angels, Never Been Kissed, The Wedding Singer,
Scream, Poison Ivy and E.T.


Take the "Which Hollywood Princess are you?"
quiz @ planetag.de

[darn]

woohoo! 4th day of fever.

I know i said no more sick posts but i just chucked my dinner and i need a medium to vent dammit.
I'm actually staying home tomorrow. And *gasp* I may even go to the doctor. whee!
okie...off to cool myself down...and hopefully some constant sleep this time around.

...i'm really starting to get irritated about this blog...so sorry if you are too. =/ i think that's a sign to take a little break.
till i'm well again...hopefully...

okay...no more posts about being sick. I know that my being sick is nothing compared to what other people go through. I'm just a big baby sometimes. I do hope, though, that certain people do get better soon. I don't like having friends that aren't doing so well. I feel so helpless. =/

*sending out sun and warmth and healthiness [what little i have left that is hehe] to those people* get well soon!

you know...this whole being sick thing is getting tiresome. I mean, besides being tired from being sick in the first place.

First I'm super ill with aches all over, then I'm fine. Then I'm stuffed up, then I'm fine. Now I'm hacking up half my lungs and my dinner. [sorry for being so graphic ;P]

Being sick sucks. I can't even stand the fact that my abs are hurting from the coughing. Normally that fact alone comforts me when i'm sick because its almost like a workout. now? Nothing. gah.

At least my portfolio is done now. Maybe it's all this stress that made me sick. I hope i'm still sick enough to skip out on work on Saturday. hehe. If i'm going to have to suffer through this, that's the least I can hope for! =P

"get well please"

isn't that so cute! gosh i luv him. =)

good night!

YAY!




which children's storybook character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

it's a miracle. i went to sleep in pain and soo utterly miserable and i woke up totally fine! Well, except for being a little light headed and weak.

YAY FOR DRUGS! =)

being a baby is fun sometimes. ;P

marbhurd: leeeeessssssssssstttttttteeeeeer
me: save me
Lester: hello:D
me:: i'm dying
me:: bleh
L: what?
me:: i'm dying
me:: you're just going to sit there and ask questions when someone tells you they're dying? remind me to never come to you when I'm in life or death situations
me:: haha
L: what are you dying from
me:: i'm sick =(
L: :[
me:: pity me. lol
L: what kind of sick
L: *hug*
me:: i have body aches, possible fever....i woke up with intense sinus pressure this mornign and my back hurts like i just got run over...not like i'd know but you get the gist. lol
L: doctor honey
me:: how does one become so yuckie overnight?
L: :[
L: i dont know
L: *soup for u*
me:: in your case...you become yuckie from having one too many sake bombs
me:: hahaha
L: lol
L: where is grant
me:: school?
me:: i normally don't like being sick and just suck it up...but just this once i want to be a baby about it and get taken care of. haha
L: awww
L: poor baby
L: :P

yeah...that's all i want right now. poor me indeed. haha i'm such a baby.

ugh. i'm sick.

Body aching, head-about-to-explode-pounding, sinus pressure, and a possible fever to boot.

I had to leave school early. ugh.
I can't be sick! I have way too much shit to do this week. its not fair. =..(
*crawls back into bed*

and the addiction continues...

so i'm checking the starbucks website just to see if they had any store hours [dont so i have to call now dengit] when i browsed upon a nifty little thing called a starbucks card [original no?] I actually thought it'd be a good [or bad, depending on how you look at it] idea for me to get one...until i read:
At this time, the Starbucks Card is not yet accepted at all airport, grocery and bookstore locations, or stores in Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam and outside North America.

dammit all to hell. first they didn't have white mocha until just recently and now this. how the hell am i supposed to live comfortably with conditions like this?! we don't even have a freakin target! grrr.

someone save me!

I found out today that I got a 15 cent raise as of April 1st.

WOOHOO!
[sincerety or sarcasm...take it as you will. ;P]

dammit...there goes my goal of not getting coffee. I needed to get massive amounts of work finished so i went to starbucks to work...and ordered a grande white mocha! agh!! and now here it is 11:45pm and i'm still wide awake and wired. dengit.

But hey, at least i got soooo much shit done. I'm so proud of myself!! =) yay!

I think I may be forming an addiction to Starbucks. It's Horrible! Not the drinks really...just the fact that i'm wasting my damn money there. So far I've tried to avoid getting any kind of coffee...well, I failed only one of 4 times...so at least then I won't get that other addiction for caffeine. dammit. It's not like I can't steam my own milk and add syrup right? ugh

Are you Addicted to the Internet?

55%

Average@Internet-User.com (41% - 60%)
You seem to have a healthy balance in your life when it comes to the internet and life away from the computer. You know enough to do what you want online without looking like an idiot (most of the time). You even have your own Yahoo club or online journal! But you enjoy seeing your friends and going out to enjoy life away from your computer.
The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

link via luckykat via julie! =P

i think i get too bored sometimes. Questions keep popping into my head. Like...

If you were on death row, what would be your final meal?
--Sushi, jjajangmyun, and a strawberry icee.

if the world was ending at midnight tonight, what would you do between now and then?
--tell all the people close to me that i love them, absorb the sights/feelings of all the things i love about the world/my life, then end the night by falling asleep while snuggled next to grant.

Would you rather be cast for Real World or Road Rules?
--tough choice...though i think road rules would be more fun, its just a boring show to watch for me. So i'd much rather live in a new place and get pissed off by annoying roommates. ;P

If you could live the life of any tv character, who would it be and why?
--I'd either be Sydney Bristow on Alias because she kicks ass, while seeing the world, and has a kick ass dad, or I'd be one of the sisters on Charmed because they kick ass too, using their special powers, and look great while doing it too. [we all know that its really because i'm jealous of their sisterly bond, right? lol.]

Make it stop!!!

ugh. i'm hungry. strike that. i'm starving. I decided not to pick up something on the way home from school. but then dinner at home sucked ass [yes i'm picky...yet cooked frozed teri chicken with garlic potatoes...no rice!!! isn't all that great if you ask me. i need rice dammit] so i thought, ok, maybe i'll go out. But then i needed to borrow money from my mom, if only because it was too much hassle to go to the atm at 8pm. but then she wanted me to pick up stamps because it was "on my way" which is sorta was, but really wasn't. so then i decided i'd rather not eat than have to go through all the hassle of feeling indebted and forced to do shit. And even though i was starving my stubbornness refuses to let me go eat.

After half an hour, i at one of those little one serving cups of vanilla ice cream with the wooden spoon. That was my dinner.

boohoo. my tummy hurts. I think i'm starting slowly starve myself, even though i do seem to eat. I need to find better food. but yet...i also have to stop being so damn picky.

dammit. i'm half mad at myself because i'm not eating [i keep telling myself that i have to eat only things that are good for me, or else don't eat at all], half mad at this household for having only bad food to consume, and half hoping i can finally eat a well balanced and delicious meal in the near future. I swear my mom's cooking sucks ass. But why complain when i'm not the one cooking right? bleh. and yes, i'm a math teacher. that made up 150%. =P

did you know that the dominant white gene in a cat, combined with blue eyes, has been linked to deafness in cats? no wonder one of my old cats didn't seem to respond often.

yeah, i'm a geek reading up on cat color genes. pretty interesting stuff ya know. lol

i finally got to talk to Won after months. yay! Unfortunately, she got laid off from arthur anderson [stupid houston partners!!!]...but good news is that she's happy about it! she never liked auditing [and she's now gonna pursue her real interest...tax. haha don't ask me why]. i'm happy for her...even though she's still unemployed. But she says she's gonna come back to visit for a while in the meantime. yay!!

i need more friends in the "honolulu area" [haha. sounds better than "hawaii" if only because the latter implies that i have NO friends in this entire state. lol]

oh..and the kittens have disappeared. my mom scared them i think! but i think they're still somewhere in our backyard. the search is on!

late last night i heard what i thought were kitten meows. its a unique and cute sound. But it was dark outside so i couldn't see anything. well, i just checked now and we do indeed have kittens in our yard! The mom, [this evil black cat] apparently gave birth under our hedge to 3 black kittens with blue eyes! They're so cute. Too bad the mom is evil and hisses and looks like it'll attack you at any moment. Let's hope that keeps my mom from getting them to the humane society any time soon. hehehe.

i miss my old cat...the kitten producing machine. haha. at least then i had the trust so i could actually hold and play with them. I seriously need a cat soon. =)

yay! i've gone jogging 2 days in a row! yay me!

i would've done more than the 25 situps today, but my abs still hurt from yesterday's 200. maybe i should rest a week again. haha. and maybe i'll work myself up to 3 days next week. hmm...or maybe not.

but still..yay me!

ok. things are a little better. its nice to at least get a small resolution out before the weekend.

yay friday!

i really tried to be pleasant and understanding. But instead i guess i was just too sarcastic and indirect. I thought it had blown over until i was saying goodbye and things blew up again, just as predicted below. dammit. Now i don't know where to go from here...but if my horoscope for today is at least part correct, maybe i'll see a way soon.

not only am i hurting him, but i'm hurting myself in the process.
i hate this.

damn. i hate when my horoscope is right and tells me not to be stubborn and unpleasant...only because it knows me too well. dammmit

"A clash, squall or conflict over career, money or love could blow up unexpectedly. You would do better to deal with it directly, forthrightly and expeditiously instead of compounding the felony by being stubborn, aggressive, icy, unpleasant or, incredibly, opting to ignore the brouhaha in the misplaced hope that it will cure itself."

its never fun to hear criticism from people you love. Actually, not really criticism..but just areas where you need improvement. And it doesn't help when my sometimes-on-rare-occasions-low-self-esteem translates these things into "you're ugly, fat, and letting yourself go."

hmph. i'm half mad and half depressed. i don't know if i should punch a wall or cry myself to sleep.
bah. i hate when that happens.

don't you love hate email? i know i do. it makes me laugh every time. its refreshing actually.

and i love how people assume i'm talking about other [online] drama that's going on with other people. sheesh. like i have nothing better to do than worry about that?

oh yeah...and i still think that sloane might be sydney's dad...even though i don't want him to be. they keep using the line "what if sydney was your daughter..." or something to that effect. hello!

poor jack. not so kick ass in tonight's episode. =/

who the heck decides to turn the channel in the middle of a show? My dad that's who. And not just any show...but Alias. And not just in the middle of Alias, but right at the end when they're talking and i miss everything leading up to them making out. wth? What the hell did he say?

yes, my temper got the better of me [and for something so trivial. =(]. I am such a bitch when I get started. I'm mean too. I think i need to work on that.

Actually, no, i just need to move out. I am a lot more sane and calm when I'm away from my family. Reason #one billion and one.

oh yeah....and the merrie monarch festival this year rocked. check some of it out.

aiyah...

there's so much shit hitting the fan the last few days. not good. I just hope that all people involved can finally put matters to rest and move on peacefully. Grudges are bad...very bad. And bitterness eats away at a person's soul. Just dump that extra baggage.

This goes for you too.

the day in review:

woke up with puffy eyes
half of my 2nd period was on a field trip
school breezed by
ate not-so-good sushi [the unagi was mushy!!]
had yummy green tea smoothie boba
car almost blew up when i got to school
class ended early
muscles hurt from yesterday. *dying*
grant is a sweetie and i miss him daily
many hopes and wishes to move out *formulating plan*
going to sleep now...Jal ja!!

i seriously need a cat.

the shit hit the fan tonight. Now grant dispises my family even more. So do I, in fact. My eyes are extremely red and puffy as proof.

Basically what it boils down to is that my reputation is no longer pristine in my mom's eyes and my sister has no concept of morality.

I *need* to move out soon.

From a convo a little while ago:
...
me: ok. gotta go jogging. ttyl
R: what
R: you got back into that?

WTH kind of response is that? And let it be known that i find this individual extremely irritating these days. I never want my children to have him as a teacher...ever.

During our trip to Hanauma Bay last week, grant finally decided that he had gotten too out of shape and flabby. He couldn't stand seeing the "non-beautiful" bodies of old tourists and vowed he'd never let himself get that far. So he started working out again this week. Damn him. Now i'm getting inspired to work out [and floss daily too, but that's an entirely different story] so I finally went jogging today for the first time in months. Dammit. I'm so out of shape. I felt like my lungs and trachea were about to cave in at one point. Not a nice feeling. But even though I walked about half way, i'm very proud of myself because I took this big first step to getting back in shape. yay me! I even did 100 situps!

now my sister is doing taebo, and even though she's lost a bunch of pounds [mainly due to pills] her ass and lower body still looks bad. Sorry to say, but it doesn't look like taebo works that part very much...from my point of view. ;P

dammit to hell. I hate people making me feel so damn guilty...especially when i deserve it. GAH!!!!!

dammit dammit dammit dammit.
grrrrrr.

sometimes i wonder if its time to just throw in the towel. this blogging and web journalling really doesn't fit into my schedule much anymore. Maybe its because i'm still in school. But even when i get out, i'll still be in school most of the time. Plus, you know how teens are, they're even more connected than I am so the chances of them finding this space is more than likely. That scares me. But still, i don't know if i'm ready to say goodbye just yet. we'll see. Or maybe I'm just too sentimental to let things i'm attached to go.

bah. i need sleep. At least i can still use this place to vent. hehe.