I haven't made any resolutions so far, but I think I will in regards to my teaching goals for second semester, since first sem is ending this week (finals tomorrow and wednesday!).

- Call parents prompty and often, especially when things start rather than when things have been going and going...
- keep my desk neater throughout the day, not just when I go home

and that's it for now. I'm not going to say "plan ahead more" because that's just setting myself up for failure. Success is the desired outcome here people! =)

"Stupid ass fish," as the algae eater will be known henceforth...*was* hiding under the gravel in the filter. Stupid ass fish forced me to take out all the plants, my puffer and right as I was scooping out some water the stupid ass fish decided it was finished playing hide and seek. At least it gave me an excuse to clean my tank from top to bottom, but still... Its a Stupid Ass Fish!!!

fuck. i just lost my post. ARgH!!!

anyway....

i feel like i'm losing my mind because i can't find my algae eater and there's no sign of him anywhere in my ONE gallon tank. Its not like you can't find anything in a ONE gallon tank right? Seriously tho...the pleco is no where to be found!

I know it was there when I cleaned the tank last night. It was there when I fed it an algae wafer. It was even there when I picked up the remnants of said wafer with my chopsticks. Then I went to sleep. At around 3 am i heard this weird noise and found that the air tube was coming out of the tank so, in the darkness, I pushed it back in. I woke up this morning to find that I had stuck the tube into the middle of the tank instead of the bigger filter tube so i just put it back. I fed the puffer and then looked for the pleco. Nothing! I thought it was just too dark and early for me to see him so I figured i'd just wait until after school. But still nothing! There's not even a sign that he fell onto my desk or the surrounding area! He definitely couldn't have come out of the hole in the cover for the air tube because its too small, maybe he came out of the only other hole, which is quarter-sized. OR! Maybe someone came during the night and took it and that's why the tube was coming out. Why tho? Who the hell knows...maybe my mom IS going crazy!

This is really bothering me though. I have no clue where it went!! Absolutely none!! aiyah.

update: after talking to grant about it, he theorizes that it swam into the filter tube when the air tube was floating in the middle of the tank, which means that its underneath the plastic under all my gravel and its been there all day! ack. it probably has a lot of algae under there though right? It better swim out soon because I don't want to pull out everything from my tank dammit. stupid fish! argh!

Sunday's to do list:

go to school
grade notebooks
make review ws - Pre & Core
make final exam - Pre & Core
plan 2nd sem
get pet stuff
watch Charmed
record Alias
sleep early (hopefully)

Let the festivities begin!

100 Years since the first Koreans immigrated to America. Of course, I thought this applied to my family too, but i just discovered my great-grandfather came on 7/8/1904. So we've only been here 99 years. ;P

Historian Roberta Chang loves the story of her father, Keum Whang (its supposed to be Whan!) Chang, who approached a picture bride in Koloa, Kaua'i. She was spoken for, Chang said, but he asked if she had a sister back home.

"In the villages, it was traditional that the older girl got married first," she said. "But my auntie liked my father so much and she wanted him to marry her sister, instead of her older cousin."

Chang's father bought passage to Korea to fetch his bride, but the older sister knew if he went to the village, the cousin would have priority. So she rushed her sister to Kaua'i before he could leave.

Yep, that's my great-grandfather. =)

Now we get to the fun stuff, the activities! Parade today, concert tuesday (i heard shinhwa, park jin-young, and lee jung hyun are coming! but all the tickets have been given out. boo), and the big festival is this Saturday! You know where I'll be! (i thought you were gonna make a trip out to hawaii for this one scott! hehe)

Like I said, Let the festivities begin!

i'm going to work out today. yay! i actually woke up before 8am. incredible no?

But first i need to go to school to get my mp3 player (doh!) and then to sack n save to get AAA batts and coconut milk. Random, i know, but I need to make haupia for rose's bbq today. I finally get to drive all the way to Waianae for the first time in like 3 years! o.O lol Why am I happy about this?

So here's my to do list in case I forget something:

-school
-store
-gym
-shower
-make haupia
-wait for grant
-pet's discount for brine, algae tablets, his filter cartridges, and rocks
-2pm bbq @ rose's
-have fun & make rose happy
-7:30p dinner at ronnies? (why the hell at ronnies! it was supposed to be dim sum...bastids! Good thing I may not be able to go because of item above hehehe i'm evil)

This guy states every single opinion I have about this "war" with iraq.

...all except one: Bush and Rumsfeld are going to screw our country, and it will last a very long time. Its times like these that I actually wish I was Canadian.

Gosh I love the Chronicle. If only we had a newspaper as good.

Rosa was playing with her Stitch doll while we were on the phone. It's so cute!! It talks!! You ask "where are you?" and he says "i'm with family." and all these cute little things. I want one!! Anyone want to buy it for me? i'm too cheap to buy it for myself. ;P

jk i'm still debating.

Its sooo hard to have close friends or family tell me their problems and come to me for support. It's not that I feel inconvenienced or anything like that. On the contrary, I'd give my whole being to them if it would help, but its just so hard when I don't know what to say or do. I can say that things will be okay, that I'm there for them if they need it, that if they need anything just to ask. But it just never feels like its enough. I always feel as though I'm letting them down and that I'm the worst person in the world to help them.

I wish I could take their problems on as my own so they won't have to bear the heavy burden, if only for a bit. =(

I want a bookcase. I think its the one peice of furniture that I want before all others in my quest for my own apartment.

That, and a new chest of drawers (mine are much too heavy), a dining table with a couple of chairs, and a small folding table (can serve as a temp coffeetable). Nope, sofa is not on my most needed list. y'all can sit on the floor. ;P

shit. i gotta wake up in 4.5 hours to go to school. argh! Why do i do this to myself? all for a stupid webpage. errrrr

Here's a question I have for all of you that I'd really appreciate if you answered since I'm trying to design a page. What resolution to you use on your computer? 800x600, 1024x768, 1152x864, or larger? I will love you all if more than 5 people answer this question. =P pleeeease?

I'm up! I'm up!

yay. now let's see if I can make this an extremely productive day.

First, to starbucks! keke

whee! i just wasted 5 hours of my time trying to figure out how to password protect a directory and also creating my new family & friends (but mainly friends) page. I need to go around thanking people for their fantabulous sites after I'm done. If it weren't for them I would have nothing to learn from! It definitely is interesting trying to figure out what all the different codes do. It's been so long since I actually handcoded things from scratch. yuck. And dreamweaver isn't always so simple...but i'm learning. Anyway, i'm tired and i'm stupid for staying up till 2. You think I can wake up by 10? ha! we'll see...

nitenite

It sucks to be sad.
It sucks even more to be sick.

Grant is super sick (fever and yuckiness) and i have the beginnings of a sore throat. yuck. (my parents made us sick!!) This being my last day/night of my vacation I had high hopes for the day, but it all came crashing down at around 2pm. I didn't leave the house all day until 6:45p to go to the post office and then to Zippy's for a dinner of soup and sandwiches. Then g went home. I'm all sad now...very sad indeed. So sad that I miss him again. Isn't that stupid?

Now I'm debating whether or not I should go workout. Grant thinks he was more suseptible to the sickness because he worked out this morning because he started feeling worse afterward. So I'm wary. I need all the strength I got to cram all my last minute planning for the next 2 weeks into 1 day tomorrow. Dammit! I hate school! I want an extra week of break like all the other schools. errr. *irritated*

I found a list of stress symptoms and i exhibit at least half. Or maybe I'm just pmsing. This sucks!

I haven't really been writing much lately. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I've been trying to make the most out of my break, but i'm still far behind in the school work category. *shrug* I was supposed to go to the gym this morning but I just couldn't get my ass out of bed at 9 am, even with the alarm. Blame it on me playing Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets on my Gameboy color (its so sad how they don't make games for it much anymore. boo). I was up until 3 am! aiyah.

This whole break I've pretty much seen grant every single day...except for sundays. Before the break I always used to have this sad feeling inside that I missed him...like all the time! But now that my break's almost over, I don't have that feeling anymore. I'm glad. I love grant, but I don't like feeling sad about it.

Oh, and one other thing that was going good until recently...I was actually kinda getting along with G's sister. She would tell me what was up with the guy she's been seeing (the one with 3 kids) and all that drama. (she seems to create it herself, i think) and we would actually have full, cordial conversations while doing these 1000 peice puzzles. It was kinda nice. Then on Thursday G invited me over for dinner (once again) since another family close to theirs was coming over...it was just left overs but still sooo good. While we were making boba for everyone (it was yummy! except for the strawberry. bleh) his sister started telling the other family how every time I come over she has to tell me that my bra straps are showing. WTH! So i said...it happened uhhh only twice? and she's just making a big deal about it cuz you know how m0rm0ns have undergarments and everything and you don't want them to show...blah blah...i was irked, and so was he, so we didn't play any games and just watched the usc/iowa game. I ended up seeing that game twice! (yay usc) sheesh. But now i'm just annoyed. why do people have to be like that? Then she all calls G last night to pick her up from that guy's house in Mililani because he picked her up, went to the beach, and then went to his house. Her parents refused to pick her up since they don't like the guy and we were all the way in Waikiki. shit. Talk about annoying. If you get yourself into situations, you better be prepared to get yourself out.

Okay, now i'm annoyed. I need to get out. I hope grant finishes working out soon...though i should feel bad since i didn't and now i feel even fatter than i did last night. This holiday season has not been kind to me in the weight gain dept. heehee ;P

Yay! We're making boba tonight. =) yummy

And tomorrow we're going to dinner at Mr. Ojisan Genki Sushi. double yummy mmmmmm

I know I'm tired. I've been saying so all day, yet I really don't want to go to sleep. Maybe its because of some uneasy feelings. Stress and sadness among them. I just don't like feeling this way. All the more reason to sleep right? But sometimes i just wonder, "what if things weren't the way they are. How would life be different?" Would I be depressed? Would i be oblivious? Would I be in an entirely different situation than i am now?

Yeah yeah, vague vague. I think i'll just go to sleep. Too much thinking at midnight isn't good for you.

Niters!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I'm starting to obsess over the whole moving out deal. I'm seriously showing signs of claustrophobia because i have too much stuff crammed in my room. Even though my room is bigger than the one I had in Berkeley, and is definitely bigger than Grant's room, I find myself with little to no space to store anything else. Its slowing making me insane. I even keep mentioning something about how I need to move out at least 5 times a day to Grant. Hence, the need to move out...

Of course, the mom doesn't make it any easier living under this roof.

I've already started compiling my list of supplies I'll need in my new apartment, I'm planning to start my savings once I make one last payment to Grant's dad (yay!), and I think I have a good apartment complex in mind. All I need is the right timing. If my calculations are correct, hopefully I'll be out by April or May. I can only hope the next few months go by quickly. *crossing fingers*

wheee! Thank goodness for workouts.

I've started to feel overly fat, and the fact that my arms show it doesn't make me feel any better. Long sleeves aren't supposed to be so snug dammit!

So I tried to work that area and boy am I weak. 2 sets of 10 reps and i couldn't go any further...and i was only using 5 pounds! sheesh.

Anyway, gotta call my student's mom tomorrow again. I feel like i'm running around in circles trying to coordinate something. errrr.

Its sunday, my most hated day. That sounds bad, especially when Sunday is supposed to be the Sabbath day. But I can't help it. I do all the yucky work this day. Even though its break, I think i need to do a lot of work today too. I only have one more week of break (it sucks!!!!) and then school is back in session. I still have to call a parent to see if her daughter can come in sometime this week to make up stuff. I hate calling people. I need to call Toyota too, but last time they made me cry so I don't want to. Yeah, you heard right. I don't want to get into it.

Anyway, I've been spending too much money but i think i need to get something from CompUSA today. then maybe i'll stop by Starbucks on the way to school. yuck. At least i have like $24 left in GC for the coffee. hehehe. i love gift certificates. =)

Oh yeah. Merry Christmas and uhh Happy New Year and all that nice stuff.

I went shopping today, the day after Christmas, and spent way too much money (even got up early to do it). I've also been in a couple arguments the last couple days with a variety of people. At least my parents gave me a tangible gift this year. Now I have 1 week left and I still have my entire "to do" list (for school) remaining, and on top of all this I can't go work out the next couple days because i seriously hurt myself the last time I went. Serves me right for not stretching well enough before starting. I can't even straighten my legs while sitting on the floor without wincing. Makes for great times at the family potluck.

Shit. Wasn't this break supposed to be relaxing?!

Went to the Korean American Club Christmas dinner tonight (my great-grandfather was one of the founding members and the membership carried on through the family). I gave my grandmother a check for $35 since she said i'd get it back if i show up, if not, they keep it. Well, turns out that only applies to her children, not grandchildren. Bah. the dinner wasn't even worth $35. On top of that I only semi-enjoyed myself. Somethings were okay, but the fact that I always feel obligated to sacrifice things makes things shitty. It's almost exactly like what happened 3 years ago at the exact same party. We had the seating arrangements all set for my aunt and cousins who are always late, but they decided to mix things up a bit and a different person came in place of my uncle so then everything was screwed so me being the eldest cousin made the obligatory move even when i was there first before all of them. shit. I don't know why i put myself through this crap. I so didn't even want to sit at the same table as my parents.

Which brings me to the worst part of the evening, having to put up with them. On the subject of my check, i was wondering when i'd get it back after the dinner but forgot about it until we got home and my mom goes "we got ours back from grandma when we got there, didn't you?" hello! I was sitting at the other table because you told me to sit there first, and also, if you got yours back shouldn't you have just asked for mine too? fucking A. My mom pisses me off. The entire trip to and from the restaurant was basically nonstop arguing about stupid shit. I swear, my mom always tries to belittle me and criticizes things just to make it so that she "wins" like saying how i should just be quiet because my voice is too shrill and its giving her a headache. "why can't you try to be more like me" she said. I almost choked on my tongue after hearing that one.

The last hour while playing stupid computer games and listening to Lonestar's I'm Already There and 3Doors Down's Here Without You I've been thinking, crying, and trying to self-analyze why the hell I feel like shit and feel super depressed and moody (and its *not* PMS). At first I thought it was because of Grant, though I don't know why. But after thinking about it, I realized it all falls back on my mom. I hate to say this but I honestly wish I had someone else as a mom. In fact, I have always secretly wished this. When I think about this I feel horrible, i mean, who wouldn't want their mom right? Maybe I'm a bad daughter and person, but my mom has mental problems and even though she'll praise me a lot, she always finds ways to make me feel like I'm stupid, or that something's wrong with me. I mean, she always says "what's wrong with you?!" everytime I forget some stupid little thing like wiping the faucet or shit like that. I've expressed my feelings about her using this phrase but yet she persists. Its not fair. Seriously, my family is so fucked up I just want out most of the time. I soooo need to move out in the next few months at the latest. But yeah, this is why I feel like shit even though Christmas is supposed to a happy time. You try spending 30 minutes in an enclosed vehicle with my mom and see how you feel afterwards.

Hellooooooo Christmas break! It's finally here and now I can enjoy my life.

Thank God for half days.

I seem to have forgotten to blog about how I spent all day Saturday baking furikake chex mix at Grant's house for our coworkers. I'm tired of chex. Actually I'm just tired period. People at school seemed to be baffled about why I would give them a little packet of the stuff, or actually, anything in general. HELLO! It's Christmas!!

Anyway, I went to the gym for the first time in a loooong ass time last night. First time since getting my new membership actually. I went at the wrong time. Too many people...makes me claustrophobic and makes me leave a lot sooner than I should, especially when I want to try out some weight machines but there are too many people around for me to clearly see what machines are where. bah. Tonight I said I would go at 9...I got dressed, picked up grant to do some stuff before I went to the gym, dropped him off, and promptly decided I was too tired to work out. I hate when that happens, but its true this time. This morning I had a horrible time getting up, and now I'm just about ready to collapse, my eyelids are getting heavy. Only thing is, I have to make my PreAlg quiz first. errr. annoying.

Oh, and yesterday I got a present from Rosa...HI ROSE!! Anyway, here's a warning to all of you: Starbucks cards are NOT accepted outside of the continental US...that means...not in HAWAII. So yeah, just in case any of you have friends here that absolutely live on coffee and you were looking for the perfect gift. I'm still hoping they will soon tho.

And thus concludes my quick 3 day wrap up. Good night.

Okay, it is now 10:30 and I was supposed to be out by 10. eek. Its time to make my list for today, only because it worked so well last week. =)

Sunday Plan:
1. Plan for the week
2. Grade Core exams (i've had them since monday!)
3. Grade Pre quizzes
4. Change Pre exam scores in computer
5. Update all grades in computer
6. ATM
7. Mail Xmas cards dad will take it tomorrow
8. Get Brine & a gravel cleaner (my fish scared me last night since it wasn't eating! but that was my fault for waiting an extra 6 hours to do it. =()
9. Laundry I even folded it and put it all away! yay!
10. Buy a lock

and right now I'm sooo tempted to get an mp3 player. That's what I've been looking at for the last hour. Anyone have suggestions?
Okay, shower time!

Whew!

Alive, safe, and not busted.

Here's some advice: Never ever rely on me to lie and pretend something that's not, even if its just casual talk. I've found I make an extremely bad undercover agent.

Its soooo sad!
lol

hmmmmm.....

I wonder if this is legal. But then...cash and not telling anyone...no one could find out right? It's cheap(er)! I just soooo hope I don't get screwed again. I think this will work. And I will be happy. I just have this paranoid feeling like its going to be an undercover bust or something. lol!

Did I ever show you this? *brief moment of amnesia* This is the bag Grant made me for my birthday. (I use it every single day for school!) He always ends up making me something for gifts, but I doubt he'll manage it this Christmas since he's been so busy. Poor guy. But gosh, I love him. ^_^

boo. the scanner I haven't used in months doesn't want to work. Not like it worked properly back when I disconnected it anyway. So no picture of my feet over the beatuful blue ocean for you. lol i really like that picture. I took it as we were on the boat on our way to the snorkeling site on Maui. pish posh.

But instead...I decided to change my splash page. (its about time isn't it? seeing as how its not summer anymore) You may have to wait a teenie bit for it to load. And don't ask me what it says. I'm still waiting for Grant to call me.

First reaction (via rose): ohmigod that is just too cute!!!! i just want to crack my head open!

=)

Yay! Today has been a very productive day if I do say so myself. I accomplished everything I set out today except for the Christmas card stuff, which can wait until tomorrow. I also gotta get magnets but its not that important. Maybe this list thing is a good thing to keep me organized. Lord only knows how I need organization in my life...especially in my room! iyah...

So here's the plan for the rest of the week:
Write Christmas cards
Buy magnets
Pack gifts
Hit the post office to send the gifts and get 2 packs of stamps
Mail cards
Buy brine & a gravel cleaner

Oh yeah, and if anyone wants to know what I want for Christmas, a round trip ticket to anywhere in California would be really nice. Or first month's rent on an apartment would be keen too. I'd even love you for a good mp3 player. lol Grant keeps asking me what I want and I can't come up with anything reasonable because really, these are what I really want. I even almost said "diamond ring" after hitting so many jewlery stores for his mom's gift. >o.O< But I mainly really want the first item. What I wouldn't give to be with some friends right about now.

Okie...good night. And with that, i cross the last thing off my list. =)

oh frick...i totally forgot i had to make a test for my core alg tomorrow. errrr...and to think I was all set on accomplishing the last thing on my list. ;P

I have the craving for In and Out.

Dangit!

So here's the Sunday Plan.
(Hopefully I'll get most if not all of it done today.)

Feed the puffer
Shower
Starbucks: get a mocha and a travel mug
Go to school
Plan & grade papers & update grades
Grade PreAlg Exams
GBC for boxes and stuff
Wrap gifts
Comp USA to look at mp3 players website =P
Call Jhoel (before 5)
Wash car (i skipped last week remember? yikes)
Watch Alias (since Charmed is a repeat again dangit)
Talk to Grant
Sleep

So i'm browsing the br website for something i may be willing to buy so i can use the discount code and now I'm just wondering, how can something be a sweater if it's sleeveless?

Ponder that for a moment, would ya.

I think this is the first time ever since the inception of my online journiary in 1997 that a real life friend/person in my life has been affected by something i've written. I never worried about it before...not sure why, i just wrote what i felt and only covered up stuff if i knew certain people were lurking. I never wanted to make anyone feel bad. I felt what i wrote back then, but things are different now..lots different and for the better i think..right? I do apologize for any hurt i've inflicted.

Maybe i should reconsider the whole giving people fake names/abbreviations thing instead. But it almost feels unnatural at this point.

In any case, i'm sorry, and i hope you don't have any ill feelings either. i really do consider you a great friend. =)

why do gym staff always seem to be in such a hurry? its kinda annoying after a while.

trying to work something out with the guy at the gym. we'll see if i can avoid losing what little savings i have.

update: its so odd. the guy says all i have to do is pay the "past due" (not cancelled) of $383 then all i have to pay is $8/mo thereafter for the all club/sport membership - on my own plan. For one, i never had an all club membership, my dad has one but when i was under his plan like 4 years ago it wasn't. When i had my own plan in berkeley i only had a one club membership and paid $33/mo. I wouldn't mind $8/mo but i really would like to avoid getting screwed over this time around, ya know? I find out tomorrow as he goes to verify it all.

damnitalltofreakinghell!

Its one thing to feel extremely fat, chunky, and nasty, but its an entirely different matter when you look the part too.

I just looked at myself in the webcam. blech.

That's it! I'm definitely joining the gym within the next week or two. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! >.<
(bastids in berkeley! its their fault i'll be losing $300!)

Oh yes, lest I forget...from yesterday's musing about the underwear drawer...

At least now I don't feel so bad as if I have OCD...hi Keri!! (heehee ;P)

Though she does make me want to set aside a whole separate drawer for my bras.

I'm still looking for more comments about how to wash them btw!! =) pretty please?

And now its time for yet another...
Maria-is-bored-so-she's-going-to-post-rather-than-do-work Random Musing!

Shopping over the weekend, we wandered into the home section of macy's and saw many made up beds with TONS of pillows. So here's my question:

How many pillows are on your bed?
And out of those pillows, how many do you actually use while sleeping?

My answers:

I have 4 pillows (2 king sized 2 regular) with 3 different pillow case designs, plus one pillow-sized tarepanda (Tare!), one square mashimaro pillow from G last xmas, and one onigiri shaped piglet head from G from tokyo disneyland.


Do I use them all? Of course! The two king sized (and very flat) ones are used to protect me from my window sills and provide very comfy padding. I usually randomly choose which regular sized pillow to sleep on but sometimes I use both. Must achieve ultimate comfy-ness!



The tare is there to keep me company, the mashimaro is there in case I kick the wall (that's tare's job also) and the onigiri piglet head is just to scare away bad dreams.

(ok, so the last three aren't really used for sleeping, but they sure do come in handy whenever grant and I get into pillow fights, which is weekly. hehehe. They're also really good for hiding yourself from people under the covers. =)

Most of you won't care but I am currently listening to all my korean mp3s on random. I tend to do this often only because i'm so tired of all the mainstream stuff I hear every day on the radio. Plus its nice to reminisce, especially when old school songs come up. One of my personal favorites is DOC wah Choom ul (Dance with DOC) by Dj DOC. It all reminds me of when I first started getting into korean music like 4-5 years ago. *nostalgic sigh* So now its currently my Song of the Moment above. =)

Random musings:
(since I'm bored as evidenced by the massive amounts of posts in the last hour)

Do you keep your underwear drawer organized and tidy with white socks in one pile, dress socks in another, underwear neatly folded and stacked to one side, and bras in yet another section?

And speaking of bras...I'd like to know. How do you wash yours? This whole handwashing bit is annoying me since I'm all about laziness and finding the most effective way to reduce the amount of work and effort I have to exert. (keke) Yet I don't want to risk the washer since the last time I did that my bra came out all lumpy. We do not want lumpy boobs! Tips anyone? Leave comments please!

oooh. korean chica on Fear Factor.

My dad keeps saying "What does CJ mean? I know what BJ means, what does CJ mean?" err. He's so repetitive.

Oh boo..she lost the 50K by only a second. boohar.

Make Core Alg quiz...check!
Make Core Alg notebook check...check!
Dry towels...check!
Put away clothes...errr...pending.
Wash car...tomorrow...maybe.
Grade papers...maybe not.

hehehe

Bored and lonely. I just feel apathetic towards the world currently. I didn't wash my car like I said i would today. And now I don't have any motivation to grade papers and make my quiz. (damn i just realized i forgot my notebook at school and i need it for one of my worksheets. shiiiiiiiiiet) I really need to join the gym but don't want to pay $250+ again. damn bastards for screwing up my membership a year ago.

At least I got up the energy to wash my towels.

it really is sad to watch one's pet die...especially with the alternating twitching and lying listlessly among the rocks. It's currently in the corner closest to me watching me. I wonder if it has any thoughts or feelings about this all. This one is definitely a fighter and isn't going as quick or easily as the rest. i also don't want him to die lest the 5th one get lonely. Please..give me a miracle?

errr!!! I'm so freakin irritated right now.

First it was the @$$hole who almost hit me as I came out of the gas station. True I didn't look in his direction at the time I should've but he was the ass who sped through the just-turned-red light. As he passed me he yelled obsenities at me. Damn me for knowing how to read lips.

Then I decided to go to Kmart to look for a laundry drying rack because my sister is a selfish b!tch who has claimed all ownership of the one in the household to hold half her f*cking wardrobe since it won't fit in her own closet and her floor is already full. So it was obviously crowded but parking ended up being easy. It's just the people...like the lady who just has to stop and take up the ENTIRE walkway while looking at an item. So I decide to walk around this little island thing to bypass her then she decides to start walking and blocks my path again. errr! Of course, kmart didn't have what I wanted. Well, they had one, but it's too big. I should just go to the korean market. So i went all the way to kmart for nothing and aggravated myself even more after the whole stupid driver incident.

Now I'm home and have been continuously bitching about my sister only because it is ultimately her fault that I wasted at least a half hour of my time to get absolutely nothing. and now i'm debating if I want to venture back out to get the brine I had told myself I would get tomorrow because i'm lazy. It's bad enough I've put off washing my car tomorrow. But even though I don't have my drying rack, i'm still going to wash clothes, and bitch the entire time I do it...loudly.

Oh yeah, and today is Sunday, my horrid day. I hate Sundays so much now. Plus this week I have so much crap to do:

1. Plan the week (The ultimate yuck)
2. Correct quizzes/hw
3. Make Core quiz
4. Handwash items
5. Laundry - whites, colors, towels, sheets
6. Wash car
7. Buy brine (tho if i only have 1 fish left it seems rather wasteful)
8. Wrap gifts
9. Pack/Ship gifts
10. Write xmas cards
11. Buy stamps
12. Watch Charmed & Alias
13. Call parents of failing students (?? idk since i have over 50 of them!! wah!)

While my fourth fish is on the verge of dying (but at least he ate! no thanks to the 5th f*cker) let me procrastinate and write this post.

All was well with the Thanksgiving festivities. The lunch here was yum and my cousin blake is adorable. The only issue I had was when my parents showed their Korea video. eesh. As if they hadn't circulated the tape around enough. Then that evening I went to Grant's family's for dinner. The sister is a lot more cordial to me than last year, but she is still very blunt and so very random...disturbing people at any time for no apparent reason. The food was also yum, especially the sashimi, which I've been waiting for for at least a week. hehe

Friday, "Black Friday", we went shopping. Grant, the bestest bf a girl could have, went willingly. Amazingly, the experience wasn't all that bad. We went at around 11, tried to find parking in the shade for a good minute then just decided to park in the sun by the very roomy parking lot near sears. We found parking instantly. The mall wasn't too bad either. Lines were manageable and people were pretty nice. Of my list, I only crossed 1 person off while grant crossed off more than half on his. lol. But at least I got some people done yesterday (Saturday).

After what seemed like a waste of a day Saturday due to Grant helping out with the japanese special olympics and me doing absolutely nothing we ended up having dinner at Gyukaku, japanese yakiniku. The wait was horrible but they were nice about it, passing out refreshments while we waited! (Must remember to make reservations next time) But when we actually got in and ate, mmm it was yummy. We got one of their preset dinner for two only because we didn't know what would be good but next time we definitely know what to get. Harami is so yum! Of course, after the kanack attack we just fell asleep. We never do anything after eating dinner anymore. hahah. But maybe next week we'll see that japanese comic theater at UH. Yes, i think we'll brave one more theatrical production. *crossing fingers*

Xmas list:
Grant
Mom/Dad
Sis
Jhoel
Rose
Tammy
Won
Amy
Tanya M.
G's Mom/Dad
Kekoa
Kanani & CD
Amanda & Victoria
School peeps

WAH!!! Puffer #3 has died. This morning it refused to eat, even seeming to be scared of the brine. I tried and tried until i just figured, "eh, he'll be hungry by this evening." Only to come home from school a couple hours early and find the stupid thing stiff as a board. I'm really starting to wonder if my tank is just contaminated. I certainly don't have certain things to keep the water ultra clean. hmm. I'm now contemplating a bigger, better tank..hopefully the last two will survive to see that day.

oh well, i guess that's enough procrastinating. (Alias and Charmed weren't even on. boo)

Off to grade papers! Whee!

You know, I don't think I've ever been so content with the same page design/layout as I have been with this one. Really, I have no desire to change it. I mean, why should I when ichigopan up there looks so damn cute?

oh yes...and I've finally updated my links. Took me long enough. ;P

It's been a busy weekend.

Friday night we had dinner with G's sister and her "guy friend." Uh yeah. Don't ask how that happened. It went smoothly though and the guy was pretty nice..just a tad old..and with 3 kids O.o! We'll see what happens in the future...regarding dinners with the sister that is.

Saturday we just ran errands and Grant put on his new rims. I took a nap while the latter occurred. hehe. That night we had dinner wtih Kekoa and Tanya at Sorabol and went to see Die Another Day. The movie was okay. Kinda cheezy at some points. Grant think it seems more "fake" since Madonna was in it. ?? I have no opinion. I'm more of a Sean Connery bond fan anyway. =)

Now its Sunday, the day where I do all my work. dangit. School work (grading & planning), house work, and car washing work. I've come to loathe Sundays. Bah. It doesn't even feel like a weekend. I was all bummed because it didn't even seem like I spent time with Grant at all..even though i saw him practically all yesterday. I hate sharing. ;P Now its back to the daily grind. At least its a short week. yay.

It sucks to not have anyone to cheer me up. I have that feeling in my stomach that I had back in June...you know, when I was really depressed (about grant being in japan and not calling at all) and pretty much lost my appetite and stopped eating. Yeah, that feeling. The feeling that sorta seems like hunger pains, but its also painful like a stomach ache when you eat too much. It doesn't help that I've been feeling nauseous when I think about food or after I eat. This has been going on for at least a month but I just tried to ignore it. Now I don't feel like eating at all. I guess this just means one thing. Something definitely needs to change in my work situation. It wouldn't be healthy for me to starve...even though I do need to lose like 5-7 pounds.

Of course, its not a good sign either that I didn't want to call won about our scheduled dinner tomorrow. I don't feel much in the mood for socializing, but lo and behold she called me. Perhaps I just need to get off my sorry ass and see my friends...er...friend. singular. Funny how I can count all my friends on one hand.

Some people probably wonder why most teachers quit by their 5th year. Well, here are some reasons I've come up with after just 1.5 quarters:

1. Beginner teachers get the crap classes. When I say "crap" I mean the lowest of the low. Take my classes for example: 3 PreAlg and 2 CoreAlg, all of which are INCLUSION (ie, half the students are sped or special needs). Oh yeah, and my inclusion classes come with an Inclusion "teacher" who basically does jack shit at this point.

2. There is an overwhelming amount of work and planning that needs to be done. Since you haven't taught the classes before, you need to plan. You also need to grade so many fucking papers you wonder if you should just stop assigning work just to make it end. Every subsequent year *should* get better though.

3. Due to reason #1, you have all the students that cause teachers to grow grey hairs. They refuse to do work either because they're fucking lazy, or because they feel they're too damn stupid since they are in the classes as named in reason #1. They also have problems keeping their mouths shut at the appropriate time, thereby wasting at least a fifth of your classtime just trying to shut them up while you're teaching.

4. Because half the students are lazy, they do not complete most of their assignments (even when given half the class time to do it) and as such, often fail their quizzes and exams. This then leads you to question whether or not you're a capable teacher or if they really are *that* stupid (even with the aid of note cards and teacher help!).

5. Shitty pay for the shitty work described in reasons #1-4. I could at least be getting paid a couple thousand more if it weren't for that fucking teacher's contract they negotiated a year before I became a teacher (sometimes I wonder if other teachers really do like screwing over their own kind..you know, that whole "you gotta pay your dues too" shit?). Now I have a BA in math AND a teaching certificate (ie, some grad work which I'm only now starting to pay off!) and I get paid the exact same amount as people who have just a mere B.Ed. Fucking A. I didn't extend my education just to get fucked this way be too poor to afford any kind of comfortable living.

...

yeah, you could say I've hit a little rough spot. If the list isn't evidence enough, what about me wondering what other possible occupations I could pursue? All I've come up with so far is Flight Attendant.

boo. another puffer died today. I think it was sick as it wouldn't eat for the last couple days. I tried everything to feed it. The other puffers are bullies and pigs. But i still love em. 2 down, 3 to go. =/

this week has just sucked like hell. I didn't realize that I was in a downward spiral until it was too late. Perhaps all those computer games make me forget until it all comes flooding in.

Teaching is tough and this week has certainly tested me in that arena...and its only a 4 day work week! I just want my weekend to start. I want to laugh and be happy again. Having bad dreams induced by work stress is never a good sign.

fucking computer games. I just spent the last hour or so playing diamond mine...all on one run. I got up to 39,615 points. Took long enough though. You know its bad when you're chanting in your head "die, die! no more moves!" I'm the type that has to play until i die. I can't just give up. Its about friggen time. I need to sleep. And I didn't grade one damn paper today. gah!

I always see craigslist mentioned by various online people but today i heard of it through a real friend...

Rose: i'm going winetasting on monday with my new friends from craigslist
Me: craigslist?
Me: you made new friends from craigslist?
R: yeah
R: i didn' tell you i posted an ad
Me: you're so funny rose! =)
Me: i don't think i'd be able to do that
Me: what did it say?
R: i need to meet people some how
R: in sf, it's no big deal to do it
R: so i figured why not
R: it's better than sitting at home depressed, wishing for friends
R: oh but i just said sometihng like i just moved here from the bay area, looking for people to hang out with
Me: very true.
Me: how many people replied?
R: about 4 or 5?
R: but only 2 of them i met...and they are both really really nice
R: and cool =)

...

R: maria did i tell you that i hang out with gay guys
R: it's so funny
Me: you do?
R: yeah my coworker [insert name #1 here]
R: and then my roommate
R: my roommate's friend [insert name #2 here] is here on vacation
R: and #1 likes him
R: he's all flirting with him on the phone now
R: it's so funny
Me: you have a roommate?
Me: lol
Me: you always have such interesting coworkers
R: i thought you knew i had a gay rooommate
R: i found him on craigslist too
R: craigslist has enhanced my life
Me: hahahhaha
Me: you could be their spokesperson

^_^

Here's my teaching dilemma for the day:

There's this student that spends most of the class time talking to friends, walking around the room, and never doing her work, even when half the class period is given for her to do it. Then comes the test and she wonders why she can't even do half of it. She gives attitude like nothing else and thinks I have something against her since I am always telling her to pay attention (it says to keep her "on task" in her own IEP!!) She has even gone so far as to call me racist (she happens to be black)...oooh that pissed me off. The thing is, after all this really annoying shit she puts me through I'm starting to wonder whether or not I'm subconsciously not giving her my all...like I'm just too tired to care...which is partially true, but am I doing it deliberately?

But today I was just too pissed off. Her and another chronic talker were up and about talking to another girl while everyone else was finishing their tests, I firmly requested they return to their seats and remain quiet out of respect for the others. I repeated myself THREE friggen times. I hate repeating myself. So instead of saying it for a 4th time, I took my big, heavy, teacher's edition textbook and slammed it on the floor. That got their attention. heh. And she claims she never even heard me. Well I wonder why!

Now I find out she's on the soccer team and on probation because of another class. I so wish I could ask her coach to show her no mercy and whip her into obedient shape. Too bad this isn't boot camp. you don't know how much I wish...

Why is it that I can never get anything done...especially on these goshdarned 4-day weekends? argh!

And to think, I thought my procrastination was bad when I was a student!...

This sucks. Grant and I hung out all day at his house just chillin and we were supposed to have dinner there too. I guess his grandparents were coming over too. I wasn't too thrilled about it, seeing as how the sister doesn't really like me and all, but I figured I'd stick it out. How bad could it be right?

So the mom comes home with sis and grandparents in tow. At the time i was on their computer trying to install/fix something. First thing the sis says to me: "Get off the computer. My grandma wants to use the phone." I'm just like..sure, ok, no prob. Everyone else, however took it as a great offense. I really didn't care. Maybe because I'm used to hearing those kinds of things from my own sister, or maybe because I don't expect more from her. In any case, Grant got super pissed and decided we should leave. *sigh* So here I am waiting at my house for him to drop by. woopdeedoo. But at least his parents were really nice about it and apologized, saying I'm welcome there any time. That's always reassuring. now if only his sister wasn't such a....>.<

Oh yeah, and last night Grant and I went to see a play at LCC: "The 3 Musketeers." I figured we should do something different and this one seemed a bit interesting...it had an "anime flair" to it. Besides, I liked the movie. Bad mistake. Aside from a couple of the actors and a few moments (very few and far between) it pretty much sucked. Not that they didn't try (and boy did some try overly so!), but I doubt I'll ever go see another production put on by people at LCC. It just dragged on way too long and ended without much of a climax. Poor grant, if only I'd known. Hopefully he won't hold this one against me when I want to go see other productions. >.<

How sad. My algae eater just died is on the brink of death. Not that I particularly liked it though. Compared to my puffers it was really big and out of place (kinda ugly too). It's at least twice their size and seemed to work way too hard for a small tank like mine. *shrug* I guess I'll just have to find another way to control the algae considering that was supposedly the pet store's "smallest" algae eater.

In other, more personal news, PMS is rearing its ugly head for the first time in ages. My breasts are too tender to bear and I got super irritable and pissy earlier today. First it was my mom, then it was my fishtank. And I took it all out on Grant, the poor guy. He even bought me lunch today...sushi @ Genki (we never eat there for lunch, and we just ate there Saturday night!) Damn cravings. I'm a bad person. Sometimes I wonder why he still loves me. I think I'm too selfish, even if he says I'm not. =/

I finally got off my lazy ass and recharged the digicam battery. Hence the lack of any real pictures lately.

But no more! I've finally got some pictures of my little puffers. They really are starting to let their little personalities show. Plus I think I have 3 males and one female (the one that died was a female too). I wonder if she's happy about it or not. ;P Enjoy! (ps. sorry about any long load time. mianhae!)


He's trying to hide. They were very camera shy!

Just chillin.



As you can see they are a yellowish color. The males seem moreso.

This is the lonely gal. (I think. I could have it totally reversed for all i know! lol)

This picture is big because I wanted to show the size of these things. That's the tip of a chopstick. (That's how I feed them...I have them trained already!)



Where's the puff? Can you find it? I swear half the time I can't.

The puffers are finally happy. I bought live brine and the suckers eat it like nothing. You should see their little bellys right after they've eaten. Its hilarious. Even the one that always stays at the bottom and never eats is happy. yay!

I'm still undecided about the governor's race and who I'll vote for come election day. Four years ago I voted for Lingle because I felt Cayetano would screw us all (and lo and behold, he did..the teachers at least). Now I'm not sure if she's the right person for the job. There's been all this talk about change. Change this, change that. Well, I've never been a big fan for change so maybe that's why I'm wary. Lingle seems more like extreme change. But then again, Hirono doesn't seem strong and powerful enough to move things along. The thing that gets me though is how I have this nagging feeling that if Lingle gets elected she's going to end up screwing us in some way...for some reason I think in terms of budget deficit. Let's not mention her plan to split the Board of Ed into 7 different boards. too much.

But still...I'm not sure. I definitely won't make my decision they way I did the primary. (eenie meenie miney moe. hahaha) If anything I'll pick according to the Lt. Gov candidate...and er...is it just me or does Aiona always look tilted to one side in his ads? lol

R.I.P little puffer. =(

boohar.

In puffer news...

I think my fish are finally getting accustomed to their environment. They seem to be eating more and certain ones are now asserting their power. (damn agressive fish). The only thing is that one seems to be kinda lagging or sick or something. It never eats, its the smallest one so it gets picked on, and now its just lies still from time to time. boo! I hope it doesn't die. =( If it does, then I'll have 4 fish...and that's the whole reason why I got 5...4 is not a good number! >.< *crossing fingers*

I've been so bad the last 2 weeks or so. I find myself watching so much tv these days that I just totally ignore all the work I tell myself I'll do when I get home...this includes grading papers! aiyah. not good.

So what kind of tv have I been watching? well, here's how it goes:
M-F: 5-6:30p various news programs (kitv for local, nbc for national)

Monday:
7:50-9p Korean drama "Loving You"
9-10p CSI Miami (cbs)
(8-9p record Everwood (wb)for later viewing..when? i dunno)

Tuesday:
7-7:50p Music Bank (kpop)
7:50-9p "Loving You" (korean)
(8-9p record Smallville (wb) for later viewing)

Wednesday:
(flipping channels)

Thursday:
7-8p Survivor (only because the rents watch it though I always have to know who wins via evil wahine first keke) -cbs
8-9p CSI (cbs)
9-10p Without a Trace (cbs)

Friday/Saturday:
none (date nights. hehe)

Sunday:
7-8p Gilmore Girls: Beginnings
8-9p Charmed
(8-9p record Alias-cbs)
9-10p Law & Order: Criminal Intent (nbc)

see! Isn't that just a tad too much tv? sheesh.

And now for your feature presentation:

puffercam!

for a limited time only ;P

Oh yeah, and did i mention i got a haircut? My sister cut it too short! This is what you get when you tell her to cut it below the shoulders. Everyone has said they like it though but I dunno. I hate having short hair. I've had short hair all my life! Plus it makes me look fat. Gah!

A warning to anyone who is thinking about getting puffer fish: They are very picky eaters and mainly like brine shrimp. The pea puffers I got are so dang picky that they hardly even eat frozen brine shrimp. They also blend in so well with my rocks I can hardly tell they're there. But dang they're cute. yay!

I'm getting my fishies today! yay!! Its the little things that really make me happy. =)

Gosh I love non-instructional days. =)

yay for G and I both being teachers (one of the rare times its a good thing! haha)

Oh dammit. I just got myself into a big mess. I'm now addicted to the drama "Loving You" with Park Yong Ha from "Gyuh Ool Yungah" and Eugene from SES...after only the first episode. Now I'm stuck for the next 6 weeks! Oh well. It looks like a cute one, but how am I going to watch Smallville at the exact same time tomorrow? lol

ugh. This is the last week of the quarter and I have to get my grades ready so that I won't have to rush and panic at the end of the week. Yay for me not falling asleep yet. Every weekend I keep falling asleep, even when grant and I are with a friend. So bad. 10:30 is too early to fall asleep on weekends! But at least I finished my stuff tonight. But my dad was too drunk to record the right channel for me so now I missed Alias. BOO!!

Oh well, at least I watched my Charmed. woot. =)

Gosh I so hope this week goes by fast. Exam schedule the next 2 days (we get out later. gah!!!) then no school Wed. (yay for teacher's institute day!) then Monday schedule Friday (early release). I sooo hope things go smoothly this week. PLEASE! *crossing fingers*

And that basically sums up my week. Niters!

I have a fishtank now! YAY! Of course, I still have to prep the tank for the fish so the fish will have to wait till next weekend. But I'm so excited. I think I'll be getting puffer fish. =) YAY!!

I don't understand Bush. He's dead set against Iraq and has some sort of vendetta against Hussein because of his "weapons of mass destruction" yet when North Korea says they have these weapons as well his stance is merely going toward a diplomatic resolution. HELLO?! As much as I'd hate the US to go to war with N. Korea, this just points out how biased and crazed our president has become. If we go to war with Iraq I'm going to renounce my citizenship and become Canadian or something. Errr, why did you people vote him into office!??!?!!

I am missing many people right now. Maybe its pms, maybe its the gloomy, wet weather, or maybe its just the fact that I want to dwell on anything but work and grading papers right now. I just miss them, even the ones I don't particularly like. Dengit.

I couldn't bring myself to watch this week's episode of Smallville. Why? I dunno. I just don't like watching stuff where a person isn't acting themselves, or properly, or in an embarrassing way. I get this funny feeling inside that I don't like so I always cringe and choose not to watch. Maybe its my sense of always acting properly and in a way that's "approved" of in society? I dunno. All i know is that it sucks when I'm trying to watch a really funny Adam Sandler movie and i just can't help but turn away until a scene is over. bah.

Tonight I'm also bothered by some school related worries. I keep wondering if I'm doing the teaching thing right. I mean, now that i'm out of school I no longer have someone looking over me to tell me if I do anything wrong. Then I also think that maybe I'm dumbing down the material. Am i? I don't think so. But then again, sometimes I think my own mathematical abilities are quickly slipping and I'll lose all knowledge of sounding smart. lol.

It's not really the math part that's bothering me though. It's the student part. Like what do i do with students who only show up a fourth of the time? The students who show up a week before the end of the quarter and have tons to make up? Or what about the students that do all the work, pay attention, ask questions, but no matter how hard they try just can't get it and keep failing? And the ESL students! aish...it's one thing if you can't understand English, but to be slow on top of that? It's enough to drive one mad. Not that there's anything wrong with students who can't speak English, or those who are slow, its just very frustrating is all. All of it is frustrating! And I'm not even going to mention those students who just down right hate me at this point because I just don't care anymore. Not like I did anyway.

Why are some people just so damn difficult? I swear its almost like a personality conflict and if I weren't obligated to tolerate some of them and try to teach them, I would've kicked them out of my classroom long ago.

*sigh* Much stress and no one to help me. Yeah, my inclusion teacher does almost NOTHING!!! But that's another story for another time. It's time for me to get back to planning and grading. Teaching is exhausting...

...But i still don't regret becoming a teacher. There are always those students who remind you of the why. =)

hey peeps..

haha. anyway...

I apologize for not being around very much anymore. Teaching is very tiring. And actually, if my ancient Macintosh in my classroom could just access the internet, I probably would be posting more, but alas, it doesn't even have enough memory to run the email program that connects me to the whole school system. Plus netscape keeps crashing. gah!

but yeah...the parents are still out. My sister's an alcoholic who has no sense of responsibility. I gave her the easiest jobs while the parents are gone: taking the trash out when it gets full, and taking the trash can to the curb twice. She can't even do that! All the while I'm washing the dishes, cooking, AND bringing in the paper and mail everyday. Sheesh. Its really nasty though. The sis keeps leaving food in the sink and the ants are swarming! And now, the kitchen trashcan is starting to reek. My sister even stayed home today! WTF!? I swear, she's gonna live at home all her life, or she'll never get along with anyone she ever lives with in the future. I'm calling it now. Just watch.

This ends my ranting session for the day. I could probably go on and on about school related things, but my throat is killing me and i'd rather think about healing than lingering on very upseting and disturbing topics. *sigh* Friday is only 7 hours away. yay! And tomorrow is the Homecoming Parade and football game vs. Waipahu. Go Rams! ^_~

so the drama with my mom is over. she actually apologized for treating me badly. O.o So tomorrow I take my folks to the airport. boo. i'll actually miss them....a bit. =P

This week is also G's intersession. The lucky bastid has the week off for break! Not fair!

Anyway, today was bad, as saturdays are starting to become. There is nothing else to do but run errands and shop.

Today I got (for myself) a printer, 5 new USB ports (whee!!), 3 tops, a $4 Kenneth Cole mini bag (yay!), "the absorber", the club, a full tank of gas, and I bought lunch and dinner for both G and I. Oh! And I exchanged a dress I bought last week for the other color I wanted (which makes me very happy).

I can't spend anymore money this month dammit!!!! ...or at least I shouldn't anyway. ;P

Dude, what the hell bit her ass?

So my parents are leaving for Korea in a week for that Korean Patriot Ceremony or something for my great-grandfather. I look over their itinerary and see that they'll be stopping at Insadong and Dongdaemun one day. "Great! Maybe they can pick me up an item or two. Insadong has some nice ceramics!" I think. So I go out to the living room and ask my mom.

"I'm not going there. I'm going to Seoul." she harshly announces.
"Uhh, yeah mom, you're going. Its on your itinerary."
"I'm not going there! I'm going to Seoul!" she angrily shouts.
"Umm..ok, yes, you're going to Seoul. These places are IN Seoul. (If you had read the book i gave you in all the fucking free time you seem to have you would've known that you ignorat *****)"

Okay, so maybe that last part was just my innervoice screaming to be heard.

Anyway, back to my little melodrama...

"I'm not buying anything for you! I'm not buying anything!"

You should've seen the evil look she gave me. Oooh i wanted to pound her. But instead? I say..

"Dude, what the hell bit your ass?!" and left. HA.

She can find her own ride to the airport the ungrateful wench.

I did something bad yesterday.

I went shopping. Not just shopping to pick a thing or two up...but Super Shopping. The kind where you have no regard for how much money you're spending nor whether you even need the items being purchased to begin with. Very bad.

The damage? Oh...about $350 or so. Not including food and snacks munched on in between.

Yeah, its bad, especially considering I have a teacher's salary. But it makes me so happy! When else can i get 15% off at Cinnamon Girl? Or have 0% APR on my Discover Card? And have no huge rent to pay yet? It was just the ideal situation.

That's what I keep convincing myself of. So don't burst my bubble dangit. ;P

dammit. Don't you hate when you put clothes in the washer and then forget about them...only to remember at 1030pm when its too late to dry them in the dryer without pissing off the neighbors who live...oh about 20 feet from our laundry area.

grrr...Now my clothes are gonna get smelly by the morning. ARGH!!!

There are just some days when you think to yourself "Why the f*ck do I let myself take this kind of shit?"

The above mental questioning basically describes my day. The whole reason I enjoy teaching HS much more than Elementary is because you don't have to baby them and they are old enough to know how to act properly. Or at least that's what you would think!

Temper tantrums, laziness, and disrespectful young adults are what I'm starting to deal with. This does not make me happy. In fact, it's really starting to piss me off. I've tried to give them freedom, but now they're just taking advantage.

This means war!!!



[Thank goodness i don't need the backing of the UN. Of course, if I did, I wouldn't be so arrogant as to plan for war regardless of what their response is. But that's an entirely different rant altogether.]

Before I sleep I just had to blog this for me to remember.

Today i saw this woman wearing a tank top, courdaroys and clunky black shoes. I liked the look. Maybe it was the pants. I tend to like the flared look. But the shoes did it for me. I need to get clunky black shoes. That, and I need to get my boots repaired. The heels are f**ked after walking to and from the BART station all those many days. Everything else is in perfect condition except the heels. I miss wearing boots.

But yes, must get clunky black shoes, flared pants and more tops. Never enough tops!!

Pay day in 13 days! (and i just got paid too...go figger) hahahahaha

Turns out G's sis is coming back home. What do I think? I'm not allowed to voice my opinion on this one. Not because G said...but because I said. If i say something about it I know it will not be positive nor nice so I better not say it at all. I guess I won't be going over to his house much anymore. I just hope it doesn't create tension for G's sake. =/

We'll see...

Happy Chusok!!

I had a scary incident today at school. A student wouldnt' wake up and her eyes were rolling back. Thank God for my inclusion teacher. If I was alone I'd probably freak.

I swear the job of the teacher is not to teach. I do so little teaching in relation to everything else I do in school. But I'm not complaining. Taking care of these kids and making them feeling welcome in a positive environment is my #1 concern...right after keeping them safe.

Yes, you could say it's been quite a stressful day.

Gotta start over again in the morning.
Good night.

It's been over a week since i last wrote anything in here. Let's not even think about full journal entries. It's sad, I know. But it's not like I have bad excuses. I'm off working and trying to mold the minds of the next generation. Not an easy task mind you. hahaha.

But seriously...teaching is tiring. Especially when all five of my classes are now officially inclusion (i.e., with mainstreamed SPED students). eesh. And lately, a lot of them have been irking me to no end. When I'm at home I bitch and whine and call some of them stupid...but only in instances like when I'm grading papers and they do something blatantly wrong. Of course, stupid isn't the right word..and i'd never say it seriously..but what else fits? Some kids just make you wonder..."what were you thinking?!"

I have had a number of people tell me recently that I'm a good teacher and they like how I teach. I honestly have doubts everyday. I doubt whether I'm teaching the material in ways they understand. I doubt my ability to make the course challanging yet rewarding. I especially doubt my ability to properly manage a classroom. I've heard that there are worse classrooms, but I just keep thinking of mine and wonder how they could be worse? But I really don't want to find that out. definitely! So I can only go by what other people tell me...both teachers and students. And so far, so good. At least that's what they tell me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Won't you do the same for me? Thanks. =)

Damn this is depressing.

As evidence that I obviously make things more difficult than they should be (ie, quizzes and tests) look at the results of those who've taken my little test. Grant got the 92, but only after getting an 82, cheating, and retaking the test. Rose only managed a 74! aiyah.

Man, I feel bad for my students. Its no wonder most of my freshmen are close to failing after only 2 weeks of school. hahaha

So anyone else up to the challenge? There's got to be someone who can get a 100 besides me. Even if its just pure luck. Someone...please? ;P

I am almost fully planned for this week. I am extremely proud of myself. I still need to pick/modify/copy some review worksheets, a quiz, and a test but that's ok. I'll do it tomorrow. No more taking the teacher's edition books home this week. yay! My back will thank me later. And yay, nothing to worry about when the rents are gone. 3 nights with the house to myself (and the sis, but still...). I think this is going to be a good week. Of course, I'm still crossing my fingers. ^_~

I've been missing San Francisco and the Bay Area a lot lately. It's not just the environment and things to do there, but moreso the people...certain people. I miss them. Even people who I didn't even see very much, if at all, while I lived there. That isn't normal, is it? I almost feel guilty for it. I need to go back soon, but I don't forsee that happening within the next 2 years, at least. I still need to go to Korea and Japan first, or at the very least LA to visit Tams and get the full, unrushed tour. =/ But I miss them. I miss them all, even some that I shouldn't even miss, which worries me a bit, but I can't help it.

Grrr...having a jumbled mess of thoughts isn't good either. I just miss being there is all. =(

Finally bit the bullet and made myself one of those friendtests. haha

http://marbhurd.friendtest.com

Knock yourself out. hyuk hyuk

School is killing me. But its okay because to me its worthwhile and fulfilling...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. Now if only I could find a way to eliminate most of this damn paperwork.

I want to go to sleep. wah!!!