One of the worst things you can tell me is that you're disappointed because of something I've done. I am always trying to live my life to make other people happy, to appease them and gain their favorable opinions. I know that it shouldn't be this way, but that's how it is. And so I continue to live my life this way and I continue to get hurt. Don't be surprised if I cry because of you.

Ok...dammit...new url

http://www.digitalrice.com/members/bhurdie
this will be it until they get enough donations to give us back subdomains. grrrrr. i'm irked now. >.<

I think I'm getting a little too needy for my own good. I have this innate desire to just latch on and not let go, but I know I must force myself not to. I think I will have to take a small step backward, if only for my own sanity. =/

How shitty. So far I've been admitted as a NONresident for summer session. It doesn't matter much though since the difference is like 20 bucks. What sucks is that if I can't get my status changed for fall, I'll be paying 4-5K for one fucking semester! for UH? I dun think so buddy. How very shitty indeed. >.<

My appa is so cute. Today I got an email from him [via my mom] and here's what it said:

Please forward this to Maria as I do not have her Email address.

Maria, thank you very much for the $. It will help pay some bills.

I look forward to your return next month and our family will be reunited again.

Love,
Dad

isn't he cute?! =D

You know, Bush really is an idiot. I swear. He's only been in office about 100 days and ever since he started foreign relations have just gone to shit. He keeps pissing off all the communist countries [ie. North Korea & China] with his stupid and insensitive comments and I swear he's going to get us started in WW3.

I don't know if our country will be able to hold up much stability in the world if we have to go through this for the next 3.5 years. God help us all.

Japanese Engrish. Gotta love those Japanese and their sayings. heehee

Its kinda weird to be here while they're interviewing people for my job. eesh. Its as if they're moving on before the body is even dead...or cold! Err....something like that. I so bad with analogies. ;P

Thank God its over.

Erg. In a few days my regular site address will be http://members.digitalrice.com/bhurdie. All this constant changing is really starting to piss me off. I'm going to have to change ALL my links goddammitalltohell. If anyone knows of any good web hosting, free or relatively cheap, please let me know. I might as well pay for it now while I still have a little bit of money left. erk. f-ing digitalrice.

These days I'm tempted to rid myself of the blog, only because I've gotten lazy with my regular journal as a result of it. Sure its nice to be able to write a thought at a moment's notice, but it just doesn't leave anything in my head long enough to linger and form something cohesive. ya know? *pondering* Well, we'll have to at least wait till digi-rice gets its act together. eesh

fucking digitalrice. I so want to move again but I've moved around too much in the last 4 months. Boohar. I'm hoping I'll be rewarded if I just wait it out. *twiddling thumbs*

Finally! After two fuck ups in a 15 minute span, I finally burned a cd correctly. You'd think that it'd be just like riding a bike or some shit like that. heh. I guess this means I'll probably get hit by 2 cars before I ever ride a bike correctly again. ;P

I got accepted into UH! Woopie!! Now under most circumstances this wouldn't necessarily be cause for joy and jubilation, but for me...right now...in this moment of time...I'm VERY happy! YAY!! Ask me 5 months from now on the other hand...hee hee. jk. yay!

They really better settle the strike today...or else. That really would be a shame. =(

Cute BART Guy #1 was looking especially foine today. hehe. Sometimes I wonder what kind of work he does. I keep thinking tech but who knows. Then I keep wanting to know his name but there is no way in hell I'll be talking to him in the next lifetime. lol. Oh well, best to keep it a *mystery* because I mean what if it turns out his name is Mortimer or something? That would just kill it for me right there. haha. Chances of it actually being that though are about a gazillion to one.

Hmm...what are the most popular american names asian parents name their kids?

Didn't go last night. Was gonna go clubbing with Rose tonight instead. But now I'm going to Santa Cruz. heehee. I'm such a bum

Hey cool. The girl with the hecka long middle name, Natasha Oda, won the Miss Aloha Hula competition last night. I really wish I stayed up to watch the auana [modern hula] part but I had a phone call and then I had to sleep. Damn time difference.

Oooh! I just found out that they have it here. cool beans =)

I don't konw if I want to go out with rose tonight anymore. grrr. Being anti-social and lazy are such bad habits to possess. Since its raining, traffic is super shitty so it took her over an hour to not even reach the bridge. She turned back home and told me to BART it. That would require me to walk 15 minutes to the bart station [in the freezing rain!] then spend about an hour getting to colma [*shudder*]. She keeps implying that the times i tell her I'll leave are way too early since they're not going out until 10 so "what did you want to do before then?" *sigh* So now i'm pondering the latest time I could possibly leave without roaming around in the dark. Grrr...it all seems like more work than its worth. Should I go?

Damn.

Cal just called. I had written them a kind of upset email asking why I still haven't heard from them yet about my admission status when they clearly posted a date of April 1. So they told me that they wanted to retain 25 for their program and they've sent out 33 letters but there's bound to be people that decline and go some place else. So they've put my file on hold and will offer me a spot if they drop below 25. They could've told me that much. *sigh*

So what do I do? I tell them thank you for informing me but that I'm moving back home. Why the hell did I tell them that? It would've been nice to maybe get an acceptance letter only to decline. hah! But then now I'm worried. There's a SLIGHT chance that I may not get into UH. [very slight since I haven't exactly been accepted yet] Then where would I be? Sure it would be shitty to move home only to find out I don't get into UH but I get into Cal. How would that be for irony? *sigh* *crossing fingers* Lets just hope it all turns out alright. I hope I hope.

Yes, I am definitely a retard. Me and my big mouth. =X