I'm starting to obsess over the whole moving out deal. I'm seriously showing signs of claustrophobia because i have too much stuff crammed in my room. Even though my room is bigger than the one I had in Berkeley, and is definitely bigger than Grant's room, I find myself with little to no space to store anything else. Its slowing making me insane. I even keep mentioning something about how I need to move out at least 5 times a day to Grant. Hence, the need to move out...

Of course, the mom doesn't make it any easier living under this roof.

I've already started compiling my list of supplies I'll need in my new apartment, I'm planning to start my savings once I make one last payment to Grant's dad (yay!), and I think I have a good apartment complex in mind. All I need is the right timing. If my calculations are correct, hopefully I'll be out by April or May. I can only hope the next few months go by quickly. *crossing fingers*

wheee! Thank goodness for workouts.

I've started to feel overly fat, and the fact that my arms show it doesn't make me feel any better. Long sleeves aren't supposed to be so snug dammit!

So I tried to work that area and boy am I weak. 2 sets of 10 reps and i couldn't go any further...and i was only using 5 pounds! sheesh.

Anyway, gotta call my student's mom tomorrow again. I feel like i'm running around in circles trying to coordinate something. errrr.

Its sunday, my most hated day. That sounds bad, especially when Sunday is supposed to be the Sabbath day. But I can't help it. I do all the yucky work this day. Even though its break, I think i need to do a lot of work today too. I only have one more week of break (it sucks!!!!) and then school is back in session. I still have to call a parent to see if her daughter can come in sometime this week to make up stuff. I hate calling people. I need to call Toyota too, but last time they made me cry so I don't want to. Yeah, you heard right. I don't want to get into it.

Anyway, I've been spending too much money but i think i need to get something from CompUSA today. then maybe i'll stop by Starbucks on the way to school. yuck. At least i have like $24 left in GC for the coffee. hehehe. i love gift certificates. =)

Oh yeah. Merry Christmas and uhh Happy New Year and all that nice stuff.

I went shopping today, the day after Christmas, and spent way too much money (even got up early to do it). I've also been in a couple arguments the last couple days with a variety of people. At least my parents gave me a tangible gift this year. Now I have 1 week left and I still have my entire "to do" list (for school) remaining, and on top of all this I can't go work out the next couple days because i seriously hurt myself the last time I went. Serves me right for not stretching well enough before starting. I can't even straighten my legs while sitting on the floor without wincing. Makes for great times at the family potluck.

Shit. Wasn't this break supposed to be relaxing?!

Went to the Korean American Club Christmas dinner tonight (my great-grandfather was one of the founding members and the membership carried on through the family). I gave my grandmother a check for $35 since she said i'd get it back if i show up, if not, they keep it. Well, turns out that only applies to her children, not grandchildren. Bah. the dinner wasn't even worth $35. On top of that I only semi-enjoyed myself. Somethings were okay, but the fact that I always feel obligated to sacrifice things makes things shitty. It's almost exactly like what happened 3 years ago at the exact same party. We had the seating arrangements all set for my aunt and cousins who are always late, but they decided to mix things up a bit and a different person came in place of my uncle so then everything was screwed so me being the eldest cousin made the obligatory move even when i was there first before all of them. shit. I don't know why i put myself through this crap. I so didn't even want to sit at the same table as my parents.

Which brings me to the worst part of the evening, having to put up with them. On the subject of my check, i was wondering when i'd get it back after the dinner but forgot about it until we got home and my mom goes "we got ours back from grandma when we got there, didn't you?" hello! I was sitting at the other table because you told me to sit there first, and also, if you got yours back shouldn't you have just asked for mine too? fucking A. My mom pisses me off. The entire trip to and from the restaurant was basically nonstop arguing about stupid shit. I swear, my mom always tries to belittle me and criticizes things just to make it so that she "wins" like saying how i should just be quiet because my voice is too shrill and its giving her a headache. "why can't you try to be more like me" she said. I almost choked on my tongue after hearing that one.

The last hour while playing stupid computer games and listening to Lonestar's I'm Already There and 3Doors Down's Here Without You I've been thinking, crying, and trying to self-analyze why the hell I feel like shit and feel super depressed and moody (and its *not* PMS). At first I thought it was because of Grant, though I don't know why. But after thinking about it, I realized it all falls back on my mom. I hate to say this but I honestly wish I had someone else as a mom. In fact, I have always secretly wished this. When I think about this I feel horrible, i mean, who wouldn't want their mom right? Maybe I'm a bad daughter and person, but my mom has mental problems and even though she'll praise me a lot, she always finds ways to make me feel like I'm stupid, or that something's wrong with me. I mean, she always says "what's wrong with you?!" everytime I forget some stupid little thing like wiping the faucet or shit like that. I've expressed my feelings about her using this phrase but yet she persists. Its not fair. Seriously, my family is so fucked up I just want out most of the time. I soooo need to move out in the next few months at the latest. But yeah, this is why I feel like shit even though Christmas is supposed to a happy time. You try spending 30 minutes in an enclosed vehicle with my mom and see how you feel afterwards.

Hellooooooo Christmas break! It's finally here and now I can enjoy my life.

Thank God for half days.

I seem to have forgotten to blog about how I spent all day Saturday baking furikake chex mix at Grant's house for our coworkers. I'm tired of chex. Actually I'm just tired period. People at school seemed to be baffled about why I would give them a little packet of the stuff, or actually, anything in general. HELLO! It's Christmas!!

Anyway, I went to the gym for the first time in a loooong ass time last night. First time since getting my new membership actually. I went at the wrong time. Too many people...makes me claustrophobic and makes me leave a lot sooner than I should, especially when I want to try out some weight machines but there are too many people around for me to clearly see what machines are where. bah. Tonight I said I would go at 9...I got dressed, picked up grant to do some stuff before I went to the gym, dropped him off, and promptly decided I was too tired to work out. I hate when that happens, but its true this time. This morning I had a horrible time getting up, and now I'm just about ready to collapse, my eyelids are getting heavy. Only thing is, I have to make my PreAlg quiz first. errr. annoying.

Oh, and yesterday I got a present from Rosa...HI ROSE!! Anyway, here's a warning to all of you: Starbucks cards are NOT accepted outside of the continental US...that means...not in HAWAII. So yeah, just in case any of you have friends here that absolutely live on coffee and you were looking for the perfect gift. I'm still hoping they will soon tho.

And thus concludes my quick 3 day wrap up. Good night.

Okay, it is now 10:30 and I was supposed to be out by 10. eek. Its time to make my list for today, only because it worked so well last week. =)

Sunday Plan:
1. Plan for the week
2. Grade Core exams (i've had them since monday!)
3. Grade Pre quizzes
4. Change Pre exam scores in computer
5. Update all grades in computer
6. ATM
7. Mail Xmas cards dad will take it tomorrow
8. Get Brine & a gravel cleaner (my fish scared me last night since it wasn't eating! but that was my fault for waiting an extra 6 hours to do it. =()
9. Laundry I even folded it and put it all away! yay!
10. Buy a lock

and right now I'm sooo tempted to get an mp3 player. That's what I've been looking at for the last hour. Anyone have suggestions?
Okay, shower time!

Whew!

Alive, safe, and not busted.

Here's some advice: Never ever rely on me to lie and pretend something that's not, even if its just casual talk. I've found I make an extremely bad undercover agent.

Its soooo sad!
lol

hmmmmm.....

I wonder if this is legal. But then...cash and not telling anyone...no one could find out right? It's cheap(er)! I just soooo hope I don't get screwed again. I think this will work. And I will be happy. I just have this paranoid feeling like its going to be an undercover bust or something. lol!

Did I ever show you this? *brief moment of amnesia* This is the bag Grant made me for my birthday. (I use it every single day for school!) He always ends up making me something for gifts, but I doubt he'll manage it this Christmas since he's been so busy. Poor guy. But gosh, I love him. ^_^

boo. the scanner I haven't used in months doesn't want to work. Not like it worked properly back when I disconnected it anyway. So no picture of my feet over the beatuful blue ocean for you. lol i really like that picture. I took it as we were on the boat on our way to the snorkeling site on Maui. pish posh.

But instead...I decided to change my splash page. (its about time isn't it? seeing as how its not summer anymore) You may have to wait a teenie bit for it to load. And don't ask me what it says. I'm still waiting for Grant to call me.

First reaction (via rose): ohmigod that is just too cute!!!! i just want to crack my head open!

=)

Yay! Today has been a very productive day if I do say so myself. I accomplished everything I set out today except for the Christmas card stuff, which can wait until tomorrow. I also gotta get magnets but its not that important. Maybe this list thing is a good thing to keep me organized. Lord only knows how I need organization in my life...especially in my room! iyah...

So here's the plan for the rest of the week:
Write Christmas cards
Buy magnets
Pack gifts
Hit the post office to send the gifts and get 2 packs of stamps
Mail cards
Buy brine & a gravel cleaner

Oh yeah, and if anyone wants to know what I want for Christmas, a round trip ticket to anywhere in California would be really nice. Or first month's rent on an apartment would be keen too. I'd even love you for a good mp3 player. lol Grant keeps asking me what I want and I can't come up with anything reasonable because really, these are what I really want. I even almost said "diamond ring" after hitting so many jewlery stores for his mom's gift. >o.O< But I mainly really want the first item. What I wouldn't give to be with some friends right about now.

Okie...good night. And with that, i cross the last thing off my list. =)

oh frick...i totally forgot i had to make a test for my core alg tomorrow. errrr...and to think I was all set on accomplishing the last thing on my list. ;P

I have the craving for In and Out.

Dangit!

So here's the Sunday Plan.
(Hopefully I'll get most if not all of it done today.)

Feed the puffer
Shower
Starbucks: get a mocha and a travel mug
Go to school
Plan & grade papers & update grades
Grade PreAlg Exams
GBC for boxes and stuff
Wrap gifts
Comp USA to look at mp3 players website =P
Call Jhoel (before 5)
Wash car (i skipped last week remember? yikes)
Watch Alias (since Charmed is a repeat again dangit)
Talk to Grant
Sleep

So i'm browsing the br website for something i may be willing to buy so i can use the discount code and now I'm just wondering, how can something be a sweater if it's sleeveless?

Ponder that for a moment, would ya.

I think this is the first time ever since the inception of my online journiary in 1997 that a real life friend/person in my life has been affected by something i've written. I never worried about it before...not sure why, i just wrote what i felt and only covered up stuff if i knew certain people were lurking. I never wanted to make anyone feel bad. I felt what i wrote back then, but things are different now..lots different and for the better i think..right? I do apologize for any hurt i've inflicted.

Maybe i should reconsider the whole giving people fake names/abbreviations thing instead. But it almost feels unnatural at this point.

In any case, i'm sorry, and i hope you don't have any ill feelings either. i really do consider you a great friend. =)

why do gym staff always seem to be in such a hurry? its kinda annoying after a while.

trying to work something out with the guy at the gym. we'll see if i can avoid losing what little savings i have.

update: its so odd. the guy says all i have to do is pay the "past due" (not cancelled) of $383 then all i have to pay is $8/mo thereafter for the all club/sport membership - on my own plan. For one, i never had an all club membership, my dad has one but when i was under his plan like 4 years ago it wasn't. When i had my own plan in berkeley i only had a one club membership and paid $33/mo. I wouldn't mind $8/mo but i really would like to avoid getting screwed over this time around, ya know? I find out tomorrow as he goes to verify it all.

damnitalltofreakinghell!

Its one thing to feel extremely fat, chunky, and nasty, but its an entirely different matter when you look the part too.

I just looked at myself in the webcam. blech.

That's it! I'm definitely joining the gym within the next week or two. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! >.<
(bastids in berkeley! its their fault i'll be losing $300!)